| Secret Crushes on Jerry Springer. by Mistress Platinum Synthetic. |
| Crowd: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! Jerry: Today we have a special celebrity version of the Jerry Springer Show. Our guest celebrity is the singer from LA quintet Orgy. So lets welcome to the stage Jay Gordon. Crowd clap and cheer. Jerry: Welcome to the show. Jay: Thank you. Jerry: Today the show will be about people who have a secret crush on you. Jay we have three people who say that they feel a special way towards you. Do you find that a bit strange. Jay: Of course I don't. Jerry: Well if I could get you to go backstage. We will bring out your three secret admirers. Jay walks off stage. Jerry: Bring them out. Three people are guided out on stage, each have a blanket over their heads and bodies. Jerry: Now on stage we have our three secret guests who have a crush on musician Jay Gordon. So lets bring Jay back on. Jay walks back on stage this time with Ryan by his side. They sit down on two chairs on the other side of the stage to the secret guests. Jerry: Secret guest number one. Reveal your identity. The blanket falls to the floor. Natasha: My name's Natasha and I live in Las Vegas, November 27 last year I had the most wild night I've ever had with Jay and Paige. I fell pregnant with twins, who are not identical. Natasha walks up to Jay and tries to hold his hand. Ryan taps her hand away. Steve comes racing on stage and stands behind Natasha. Jerry: So are you saying that you have a child each to Jay and Paige. Natasha: Yes I am. Secret Guest number 2 starts laughing. Jerry: Is that possible? Well I guess it is. Secret guest two think it's funny. Lets see who you are. The blanket falls off secret guest number two. Paige: Jay I know this may be a shock to you but I love you. Jay: But you're my friend. Paige: I told you Jerry that he wouldn't believe it from me. Jerry: So is this Paige who is also in the band Orgy? Crowd seem all surprised. Paige: I'm really a women. Jay: No, you're not! You are 100% male, well maybe not 100% but you're definitly not a women. Paige: I knew it wouldn't work. I told you that JERRY! (He sulks in his chair.) A phone starts to ring. Ryan stands up. Ryan: Hello, you have reached the Jay Gordon dating service. Ryan speaking. (There's a long pause with Ryan nodding his head.) Jerry: Let's go for a break. Ryan: Yes, I understand. All right.Yes. Jerry: We have Natasha and Paige who are here to try and win the affection of Jay. Paige: I am not. Ryan: Can I interupt? Jerry: It looks like you already have. Ryan to Jay: There's a man on the other end of the phone saying he is pregnant with your love child. Jay: Tell him I'm busy. Ryan: He's busy! (He turns the cell phone off.) Jerry: Why don't we make this situation more uncomfortable for Jay by revealing the last secret guest. The blanket falls off guest number three. Ryan, Jay and Paige: Amir!!! The crowd act all surprised. Amir: I'm here to tell you that I love you. (He passes Jay a red rose.) And you're leaving with me. Paige isn't the woman, I am. (He twirls his hair.) The crowd all gasp. Natasha: You are so paying me for the twins. (She tries to hit Jay but gets stopped by Steve.) Jay: I can't handle any more of this sh-beep. (He passes the rose to Ryan.) Paige I know why you're here, but Amir, we're on tour of course I'm leaving with you. I'm also leaving with Paige and Ryan. And didn't your mothers tell you the difference between males and females. I have no idea about this pregnant man. (Jay rubs his temples.) As for you! (He points to Natasha.) I have never seen you before, let alone procreated with you.. The crowd go hysterical. Natasha runs towards Amir and tries to hit him. Amir: What was that for? (He tries to hit her back but instead hits Paige.) A brawl including every one on the stage starts. All the security are up there trying to calm everyone down. Crowd: JER-RY, JER-RY, JER-RY!!! Jerry: Lets go for a break. All the guests eventually calm down. Jerry: We're back and does anyone have a question? Jerry passes the microphone to a young man. Young Man: To the man who has the blond and black hair. How'd you get involved with those weirdos? Amir: I don't know. Jerry passes the microphone to a college girl. College Girl: To Natasha, get a paternity test and make who ever is responsible pay. Natasha: I will. They're not getting away with it. Jerry passes the microphone to a large middle aged man. LMAN: Hi Jerry. To the man that had the phone. You look like a homosexual alien. Ryan: Well you look like.. (He got interupted by Jay, he pats Ryan on the head and flips off the fat man.) Crowd get hysterical. Jerry passes the microphone to a thin woman. Thin Woman: To the men who said they were women. Would you like to come back to my house so I could give you a examination? Eveyone laughs. Jerry passes the microphone to a man who just happened to have been Jonathan Davis. Jonathan: This is just too f-beep-ing funny. I'd like to ask Jay if he is going to persue the woman? (Jay shakes his head.) |
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