Is there anything pleasurable about doing your laundry in residence? I dare say there isn't. Out of the complete despair I have personally endured with the residence laundry services, I feel compelled to tell you my horrific and oddly humorous misadventures and teach you a very valuable moral lesson: never leave your laundry until the very last possible day, and never do it ALL at once.

It was a cold day in mid-November when I sat in my room wasting my night on MSN and looking up random facts on the internet: avoiding at all cost the large heap of unlaundered clothing in my closet. Procrastination took over for the majority of the evening as I tried to rationalize why I could leave the chore of lugging my clothes to the basement until the next day, but then realized that it just couldn't be done. I was on my last pair of underwear.

So, as I looked at the clock on the bottom corner of my computer screen, I read the numbers 11:48pm. No time left to be wasted. I slowly made my way, defeated, to my closet and heaved the heaping pile of clothing onto my bed. I had a moment of inspiration, why not just do it ALL at once! I bundled my sheets, even the mattress diaper, my towel, my bathrobe, everything , and added it to the monstrosity. Midst another epiphany, I thought, “why not even wash what I am wearing!” So, I adorned a dress I made in grade 9 sewing class that was ill-fitting and positively ugly. I was convinced no one would see me in my rather unappealing garb, with it being so late at night.

So I made my way, waddled rather, to the basement and stuffed full, three washing machines. I grinned from ear to ear when I saw that I had just enough money on my card to wash all three loads. What luck! I conspired with myself to sneak over to the laundry money machine just as my loads were ready to be transferred to the dryers so as to not be seen by anyone.

A half hour passed and I did just as I had planned. As hurriedly as I could, I took my five dollar bill to the machine and let it grab at my bill in anticipation. It was spit back out. I impatiently tried again, to no avail. After numerous vexing attempts, I admitted defeat, and rang the bell at the front desk.

“I'm sorry, the machine is not in service.” she said with absolutely no remorse. My face fell, this couldn't be happening. “But there must be something you can do?” I asked. She looked at me and shook her head. “I'm sorry, someone will be coming tomorrow to fix it.” Tomorrow? Tomorrow won't due, I had clothes in the washer TODAY! “You don't understand,” I said, “positively EVERYTHING I own is in the washer right now.” She looked at me again, not really caring about my distress and said “Well, you could walk over to Vanier .” There was no way I was going to walk anywhere in the middle of the night, especially in what I was wearing.

I was just about ready to scream in frustration when a light bulb quite literally came on above my head. “I'll borrow one of my roommates' cards!” I raced up the stairs, with renewed hope and burst into my quad. Momentarily forgetting the time, I wondered why no one was in the kitchen and all the doors were closed. They were asleep.

Racking my brain for another option, I decided to check my MSN list to see who was still up and online. No one. I thought about it for quite some time until I realized I would just have to hang the clothing to dry overnight, otherwise I wouldn't be able to go to class in the morning.

So I took my rather sad-looking cardboard box (because my laundry basket had been stolen at the beginning of the year) and slowly trudged back down to the basement. I loaded my box, once, twice, three times with my sopping wet laundry. As I waddled over the elevator, I could feel the bottom of the box beginning to get soggy and I knew if the elevator didn't come soon, I would be standing in front of my rather heavy load on the floor. By some stroke of luck, if that's what you call it, I managed to get the heap to my room without mishap.

I hung on hangers, everything I could, along the curtain rod and shelves. I pulled out every drawer and lay out shirts and pajamas to dry. My windowsill housed the majority of my underwear. I hung as much as I could in my closet. Lastly, I draped my sheets and blankets on my closet door and the last of my shelves. After this lengthy task had been accomplished, I realized the humidity in the room was stifling. If I wanted to breath through the night, I would have to open a window. Well, opening it didn't do much, and after another brainchild, I thought, “Why not open my bedroom door too, so that a draft will float through and dry my clothes even faster!”

So after this had been done, I was quite exhausted and went to crawl into bed, but I soon realized I had nothing to keep me warm. No sheet, blanket, or even the mattress diaper. So, I managed to find a few clean towels and literally huddled with them on my bed. After a few minutes though, I was near shivering due to the cool draft that was flowing through the room.

By some miracle, I fell asleep that night. When I woke up and opened my eyes, I had temporarily forgotten why I was laying in the middle of a clothing jungle. Relieved though, that I would have clean clothes for class, I had my shower and came back to my room to dress. To my further distress, I realized not a single article of clothing had dried overnight. Convinced I could defeat this frustration once and for all, I got out my handy hairdryer and sat on my bed hoping to have something to wear, at least for my second class. After an hour and a half of deliberation and building desire to just get dressed and get out of my room, I finally had a pair of pants to wear. The shirt didn't take quite so long and I had enough time to make it to my third class.

But wait, the story isn't over yet. It seems that fate finally got the last laugh, because, by the time I had made it to Wood 2 in the pouring rain, my pants were soaking wet once again. Oh the bitter irony.

Many lessons were learned that day and I hope that you can benefit from my pain. Never, EVER, do your laundry all at once.

(this piece won first place in a writing competition at my university in the category of "Long Non-Fiction)