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| Dear Zilla, My boss is making my life miserable. I am an executive assistant, so this is supposed to be a professional atmosphere! My boss is a total moron! He makes farting sounds, wears dirty t-shirts and walks around the office scarfing down smelly, messy fast food To make matters worse, this guy treats me like a peon! He is not teaching me anything about the business, he gives me mundane meaningless jobs. He will call me in the from another room to have me stir his coffee! The biggest job of my day is going down to the deli to get his salami sandwiches. I can't afford to quit this job, because it pays very well and I am a single mom. But what should I do? I am dying here!! Signed, Disgusted in Detroit Dear Disgusted, First off, you must realize that he is a man. As our dear old Mae West once said, "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." This rings true for virtually all men. As a species, they are made up almost entirely of apes. While this may explain his behavior, it most certainly does not excuse it. You have a few different options here, in my opinion. For one, you can find a way to quit your job. Reduce your assets, clip coupons - save up until you've got at least 4 months salary in the bank. If this is not viable, you can find a way to exasperate your boss until he finds an excuse to "lay you off", allowing you to collect unemployment while you search for a new job. Some simple ways to achieve this include: -Crying at the drop of a hat. This tends to make men very uncomfortable. Men will do almost anything to avoid discomfort. -Dropping and/or breaking expensive or important objects. "Accidentally" spill coffee on his Palm Pilot. Mistake some vital documents for scrap paper and throw them in the trash. -Tell him you need a friend, and ask him if he will introduce you to his wife. Befriend said wife, then come over to their house at inappropriate times and stay too long. Drink a lot while you are there If all of this fails and you feel that you are stuck at this job for eternity, then you really have no choice but to fight back. You'll need to be cruel and disgusting in a sneaky way. This is purely for your satisfaction (or compensation if you will). Spit in his coffee, throw a pube or two into his sandwich on the way back from the deli, set a tack in his chair. I'm sure you can come up with plenty of devious tasks. Good luck my sister friend! Love, Zilla |
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