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| April 26, 2004 Man...I dunno. I need to get my ass kicked, one way or the other. It's been almost a month since I've had sex and that could very well have something to do with it all. It could also be the habit I've developed of drinking 5 bottles of wine a week. I just rememered something about this priest named Father Fred that I used to have some pretty dirty talk with back in my school days. Wool sweaters and vagina dialouges. Also, Sister Mary Lawrence swears that she would catch me sneaking out of class all the time. She said she always would find me in the office having dialed 911 and I would just be sitting there mute, at least once a week. Why don't I have any memory of that? That's creepy isn't it? I don't have the energy for anything. I am hungry, but I don't eat. I drink 10 bottles of Perrier and a bottle of wine a day, that is how I exist. So it's no wonder I am a bloody wreck. Those 7 lbs I gained, I got a lot of compliments along the lines of "oh when did you grow boobies". So I lost 16 lbs to make sure nobody talks about my tits again. I am looking pretty sickly, even I will admit to it right now. I'd like to say, also, that 3/4 of the artists in the world are frauds and plus, their line quality sucks. You accomplish nothing by drawing the same line over and over 18 times. I will be sure to let everyone know in Life Drawing tomorrow, but they will kick my ass for saying it again. God, that's a great idea! I need a kick in the ass...should have thought of it months ago PS I bought a Gazelle Elite. It sucks as much as everything else. March 8, 2004 Well, well. I think I'm depressed. My life feels like it is at a standstill. Nothing is moving, nothing is happening, everything feels strange and a bit dreamlike. I've been listening to Top 40 pop music for almost a week now. I've gained 7 lbs. I've been watching Trading Spaces and Biography religiously. I've been sketching from anatomy books late at night and never finishing an entire body. What I've not been doing is painting, I have a show in less than two weeks. I have to finish at least two more pieces by a week from today. I am thinking of presenting this sketch along with an oil painting translation of it. I need to sell everything in this show. I want one of those Gazelle Elite exercise machines. Sorry for the crappy photo, I am certainly not a photographer. |
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| So anyway. I need to get to work I guess. I just feel unmotivated, confused, sad, tired...a little sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do with myself. I am thinking of selling that creepy self portrait from a few months ago. |
| I really kind of don't want to let that one go, but John said self portraits always sell well in these shows, and I need some extra cash right now. I should sell it, it will just prod me into creating more if I don't leave these things hanging around the studio for months and months. Well anyway. I think I'll go play the Sims for awhile and take maybe take a valium. God...I need a vacation so desperately. |