Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel�invisible? Every time I made a phone call today I got an answering machine. I didn�t really talk to anyone. I felt frumpy and dark and sleepy. That probably has something to do with it, the sleepy thing.
I make myself invisible though. When I refuse to speak up, when I don�t share my day, when I sit in another room drinking coffee and pouting while my family eats dinner. I feel bad about this and I am aware that I am responsible for it. Sometimes I just want quiet. I don�t want anyone to talk to me or ask me questions or even look at me. I want to be alone for hours and hours on end and sometimes even that�s not enough.
This has really sprouted from my �marriage� when I think about it. That�s really where it began. This intense desire to become transparent and fluid, to just slither around unnoticed and undisturbed. In some respects the whole experience only scratched my surface. I feel like I got myself unstuck while the glue was still tacky. At the same time though, there is some sort of residual damage. Some scratches that went a little deeper than I realized�and I am just now becoming aware of.
Well anyway, enough psychobabble for tonight. I have an interview for an internship in the morning, a burgundy cotton dress hanging on the back of the door and an 8:30 appointment. Time for sleep.
