| THINGS TO BE STROKED ON SIGHT |
| In the wake of The Strokes (the band, that is) on becoming a popular throwback (sorry, I mean, 'retro') band, The Society Of Things To Be Stroked On Sight rears its fluffy head to tell you of things that you CAN stroke, and things you CANNOT. Stroking things in public is a tricky social situation, and you MUST know whether or not you are committing a HORRENDOUS faux-pas (yes, we DO know it's french - see why we put it in italics? Shows we know what we're doing). Anyway, take a look, and flush at embarrassment at what a fool you've been just stroking random objects. |
| THINGS YOU CAN STROKE |
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| This is a cloud - it is fluffy and lovely. It likes to be STROKED, so why not STROKE it? |
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| Look how this cat loves being STROKED - look how much Tweety is loving the universal loving feeling of STROKING and BEING STROKED. Wonderous. Tweety was killed soon afterward. |
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| It isn't historical fact, but it's true: Abe Lincoln loved having his beard STROKED. And still does, allegedly. |
| AND IT'S ALL QUITE LOVELY, ISN'T IT???? THE THINGS YOU CAAANNN STROKE - LOVELY AND FLUFFY AREN'T THEY??? ENJOYING YOURSELF AREN'T YOU? BUT - WAIT! - THERE'S..... |
| THINGS YOU CAN'T STROKE |
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| Typewriters are old, cold and hard - they're evil and are not STROKEABLE. You hear me you old people??? You can't STROKE your typewriter anymore. |
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| Prostitutes will charge you to STROKE them. So don't. |
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| White middle class men will react violently if STROKED - they are under pressure from decaying marriages, disillusioned children, materialism and rubbish jobs. So just don't STROKE and leave them alone. |
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| Just try STROKING me. Come on, bitch... I won't bit. Or will he....? |