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THE 3-WAY INTERVIEW

THE OFFICIAL INTERVIEW with THE PROBLEMS (indie), GOT JUICE (rap) and SOFTBOYZ (pop boyband)!

Welcome to PLANET MORON, guys!
THE PROBLEMS: Pleased to be here.
GOT JUICE: Dang, dog!
SOFTBOYZ: Not a problem, we always do any interview.

How is your debut album coming along?
THE PROBLEMS: Oh, it has been a struggle, yes. But really we are here for the music, we feel strongly that our lyrics will touch and electrify.
GOT JUICE: Dem bitches shut down our crib base, this joint was forged wit damn hoes.
SOFTBOYZ: We haven't heard it yet, but we're sure it's good.

The first track on your album is particularly striking. How did you come up with the music?
THE PROBLEMS: Glad you like it, in fact it took us many days to get the sound quality just right. Phil played an augmented ninth and when we put it through a harmoniser it sounded amazingly ethereal.
Onto that we tacked 4 layers of guitars, each harmony line starting two beats in succession. It just turned out really well, and I think it shows.
GOT JUICE: We busted on dat badass drum machine. K-Low threw down some raw beats. Fly!
SOFTBOYZ: We came into the studio and it was already there.

Your lyrics often seem ambiguous. What's your latest single actually about?
THE PROBLEMS: Many people, everyday people, seem to have forgotten about how to live their lives; the sense that larger dilemmas are being ignored whilst smaller, insignificancies neutralise reality.
GOT JUICE: Dem tokes! Hoes wit da damn booty in Queens!
SOFTBOYZ: Ambig-what? We write about girls, we think they're really great.

Are you surprised about the amount of press coverage you've already got?
THE PROBLEMS: It's typical, and telling, really, of the old tabloid adage of 'build them up, tear them down'. We don't expect anything in return, even if our album doesn't sell, we're glad to see it released. It's a labour of love.
GOT JUICE: S'cool, we ain't no yaya-blunts, we is da bomb, sucka!
SOFTBOYZ: Our record company bought all that.

We were very impressed with your MTV awards appearance...
THE PROBLEMS: The opportunity was there, so we took it. We felt it would be hypocritical to pour a year of our life into crafting our art, then backing out of an international show. Otherwise we have no time for awards ceremonies.
GOT JUICE: When Big D-OS came out we damn near shook our assembled ass! Gangsta!
SOFTBOYZ: We learnt to dance from girls.

Have you finally decided on an album title?
THE PROBLEMS: 'Try And Resist'
GOT JUICE: 'Wild Ass'
SOFTBOYZ: 'The Softboyz'

Where can our readers see you perform next?
THE PROBLEMS: Glasgow Barrowlands, Nottingham Rock City, Dublin Mean Fiddler, Manchester Apollo. The reaction, we hope, will be different each time, we're most interested in seeing how our material plays north of the border.
GOT JUICE: Brixton, Academy and the streets. Ain't no life, sucka.
SOFTBOYZ: Our arena tour is already sold out, sorry girls!!! We have nothing against gays, though.

What about those drugs rumours?
THE PROBLEMS: We're clean, David has actually been clean for six months now, I don't forsee any more tabloid scandals.
GOT JUICE: Heh he he, he he. Blunt!
SOFTBOYZ: Our manager made it very clear, NO drugs under any circumstances. The strongest substance we're allowed is lip balm.

What if worst comes to worst, and you don't make it to the top?
THE PROBLEMS: We've never worried about making it to the elusive 'top'. As I said, our hearts are in the music not our paypacket.
GOT JUICE: S'long as dere's enough o' dem bones to get dope and gats, bitchin'!
SOFTBOYZ: We're sure our record company would keep us on.

So, what would you say if your album was a complete flop and you became derided by the entire record industry?
THE PROBLEMS: I can't imagine things would get that bad, there have been many artists, we feel, who are much worse than us, both competently and morally. But no, as I said, we're very pragmatic and strong, we have other career paths to fall back on.
GOT JUICE: I'd say: "Throw us dem H's, bitch!"
SOFTBOYZ: What did you say? Our album's a what? Um... we've all had Jordan.