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| I AM THE DOCTOR. YOU ARE THE PATIENT. |
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| "I am the doctor. You are the patient. First!" |
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| "Oh, doctor, I'm in ever such a muddle. I think I've broken a toe." |
| "One of your own, I hope!" |
| "Oh. You've pre-empted my obvious joke. Garn!" |
| "Can't fool me! Next!" |
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| "Oh, doctor, I keep seeing flowers before my eyes." |
| "My, that's unusual. Have you tried weedkiller?" |
| "Yes, but I found it to be completely innocent." |
| "Don't turn my clinic into a bad-joke house! Next!" |
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| "Alright, doc? Hic." |
| "And, how can I help you, you feculent drunk?" |
| "I'm having trouble with my arse. Hic." |
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| "You filthy drunk! Don't embarrass me like that!" |
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| "Yeah, I can't say words like 'rabbit' or 'rare'. Hic." |
| "Oh, I see! You're having trouble with your 'r's!" |
| "Yeah! Hic." |
| "Hmm. Can't help feeling that would have worked better verbally. Next!" |
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| "Ooh, hello, doc." |
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| "Ahem. How can I help you?" |
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| "Did you get any last night?" |
| "Any what?" |
| "Y'know... any sex..." |
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| "You dirty tart! I'd expect that kind of muck from BBC's 'Dinnerladies', not in my clinic!" |
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| "Sorry, doc..." |
| "J-just get out! Next!" |
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| "Hi, doctor. Have you got any..." |
| "Ye-es..?" |
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| "Any drugs I can 'ave? I like drugs, me." |
| "Oh bother, I've run out. You'll have to make do with some penicillin." |
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| "Righty-ho. You're a real diamond, me old mucka." |
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| "Yes, and before you ask, I do have a lenient stance on prescribed medication. Next!" |
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| "It's me, dear, your wife. Dinner's on the table." |
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| "Sloo! Cor, yummy! I'm on my way!" |
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| "Good. Get a bloody move on, too." |
| "Sure! Bye, everyone, and remember: I am the doctor. You are the patient." |
| THE DOCTOR IS OUT |