"Hello, I'm a 21st Century stand-up comedian, called, er... it doesn't matter what I'm called.  John, perhaps.  Or Roy.  No, definitely John, 'cos that was what my mum's husband was... I mean that's what my dad was called.  So, jokes, then.  Aren't jokes funny?  Erm... almost by definition 'cos... no exactly by definition.  Oh, I'm making up jokes all over the place... almost by definition!  That could become my catchphrase, it'd be great!  Kids would be saying it all over classrooms!  Almost by definition!  I remember my time at school, we used to hate the teachers.  I thought up loads of witty observations, like, um... isn't it funny when, er, when a bully steals your lunch money!  Or when you forget your PE kit!  That's really funny, isn't it?  No, it is!  Gigantically funny!  And gigantic is the biggest word I can think of, it's just huge!  Haha!  Huge!  And I guess..." (and so on until BBC1 offer him a prime-time series.)

THINGZ IS HAPPENING

"Hello, I'm an average American sitcom.  My name is Vern, Vern Wilson.  I work in an office and have a strange ability of getting out of work by talking about sex with my colleagues.  Then, at five, I go home to my wife and my two mischevious kids.  And when the kids have gone to bed, I invite some friends round and we talk with my wife about sex, before she gets bored and we watch the Superbowl and chug beer.  I pride myself on the fact that I can make people laugh heartily by just saying "Hello!", or by dressing up in a chicken suit.  I also enjoy my big spacious house, whose front walls don't seem to exist.  Luckily, I have become popular and now command upwards of $30,000 a show.  Life is great, or as I would say... "Hello!" (and so on, for several series.)

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws