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| A DAY IN THE LIFE... |
| Yes, welcome to the page on PLANET MORON where we follow celebrities round to see what they're doing, or something. Sounds quality, doesn't it? We like to call it... |
| TODAY... STUART BRAITHWAITE OF MOGWAI! 10:00 am - Stuart wakes up and has breakfast. He stares at a bowl of Kellogg's Frosties, before reluctantly eating them. "Y'see, the problem ah have wit' ma Frosties is that they're made by Kellogg's who are like, pish to me. Ah mean, whatever happened to Nestle cereals? Ah used to love Lucky Charms, but Kellogg's must have some kind o' monopoly on 'em. Ah say come back Nestle and show these chancers who are the best!" He takes another mouthful. "As ah said, Kellogg's, pish." 2:00 pm - Stuart enters the studio with his equally Scottish band mates, Mogwai. He starts pushing buttons on a synth, randomly. "Y'see, there are some bands who think it's okay to, like, just play it safe with pish pop tunes, so we like to experiment wit' different sounds and, er... lengths of songs and stuff." 3:00 pm - The band are ready to record their next single. It consists of someone humming randomly for ten minutes. During this time, the drums are struck six times, fairly randomly. The band congratulate themselves for an hour. "A lot o' people say this band's pretentious, but ah tell you, the only pretentious people are the ones who listen to our songs and don't get it. Aye." 7:00 pm - Stuart returns home and watches TV. "EastEnders, pish, Coronation Street, pish. What a load o' pish on ma telly. I think I'll play ma song ah recorded today." Stuart puts it on, but it isn't the song they recorded, it's the voices of two studio engineers. "Sorry, Mogwai, but we think you're so crap, we didn't even press the 'record' button while you were in the studio! HAHAHAHAHAHA! What do you think of that, then?" "CAPITAL F! EVERYONE IS PISH." |