| THE NIGHT THEY RAIDED CORBIS |
| Part three |
| (SUDDENLY AND INEXPLICABLY, 'TIM' SNATCHES THE PICTURES OFF THE FLOOR. HE STRUGGLES TO HOLD THE 600+ PICTURES IN HIS ARMS.) AGENT 34: 'Tim'? What are you doing? (ANOTHER SUDDENLY LATER, 'TIM' DREW A GUN. BEING OF NO USE TO HIM, HE QUICKLY SCRIBBLED IT OUT AND PULLED OUT A REAL GUN, AIMING IT AT AGENTS 34 AND 45.) AGENT 45: 'Tim'? 'TIM': AHAHAHA! I am not 'Tim' at all! I'm actually a spy, sent to steal the paintings from under your noses! Why do you think my name's been typed in inverted commas all this time? (AGENT 34 KICKS A CONVENIENT NEARBY STONE.) AGENT 34: Aw, heck, we should have noticed. Now we're done for! ACTUALLY A SPY: That's right, you're done for! (ACTUALLY A SPY THROWS SOME ROPE TOWARDS THE AGENTS.) ACTUALLY A SPY: Here, tie yourselves up, good and tight. AGENT 45: Tie ourselves to what? ACTUALLY A SPY: Oh, right. (ACTUALLY A SPY THROWS A CHAIR TOWARDS THE AGENTS.) ACTUALLY A SPY: There! To that! Do it! Do it, I say! (THE AGENTS TIE THEMSELVES UP, GOOD AND TIGHT.) ACTUALLY A SPY: Now I can make good my escape! So long suckers! (ACTUALLY A SPY JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW DESPITE THE DOOR BEING STILL OPEN AND TEARS DOWN THE CANALPATH. CAMERA CUTS BACK TO INSIDE CORBIS BUILDING.) AGENT 34: Now we're done for. Unless... (THREE HOURS PASS.) AGENT 34: ...Unless we break free! (UNNECESSARY SLOW-MOTION SHOT SHOWS THE AGENTS BREAKING FREE. DURING THE SEQUENCE A FLOCK OF JAPANESE TOURISTS COME IN AND TAKE SOME PHOTOS. BUT BY THE END OF THE SEQUENCE THEY'RE GONE.) AGENT 34: Come on! We might have a time limit to stop Actually A Spy! (THEY RUSH TOWARDS A SPEEDBOAT, JUMP IN AND ZOOM OFF TOWARDS THE HORIZON BEFORE TURNING ROUND AND COMING BACK AGAIN. THEY JUMP OUT.) AGENT 34: Actually, he probably went by car. Let's go! (AGENTS 34 AND 45 RUN DOWN A MOTORWAY CAUSING CONFUSION AND BEWILDERMENT TO MOTORISTS. SUDDENLY THEY SPOT ACTUALLY A SPY AHEAD.) AGENT 45: There! (THEY CATCH ACTUALLY A SPY AFTER AN EXCITING CHASE. UNFORTUNATELY, DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, WE CANNOT BRING YOU THIS CHASE. THEY CATCH HIM, ANYWAY, AND CUFF HIM WITH A PAIR OF IMAGINARY HANDCUFFS. THEN THEY COVER HIM IN FOIL.) ACTUALLY A SPY: Curses! Foiled again! AGENT 45: Now what shall we do, Agent 34? With the pictures, I mean. AGENT 34: These pictures? These pictures have caused quite enough trouble already... (WITHOUT THINKING, SHE HEAVES THEM VIOLENTLY INTO A STORM DRAIN. THERE FOLLOWS A SICKLY EPILOGUE WHERE ACTUALLY A SPY IS THROWN IN JAIL AND AGENTS 34 AND 45 RENEW THEIR WEDDING VOWS BUT WE THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE THAT. THERE AREN'T EVEN ANY HIDDEN JOKES IN THE CREDITS EITHER.) And that's why we only have a finite supply of pictures. Bye! |