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| THE FUNKING GOSS |
| FUNKING BINGO! Win a funk-load of cash! |
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| "I have a lot to funking say!" says top funking TV man |
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| FUNKING PHOTOS HAVE FUNKED ME UP |
| by David "FUNK" Funker |
| Top funking model Jeannie Clap has revealed this funking day, how some stupid funking photos of her, taken while she was still a little funker have ruined her funking life. "When I first saw the funking photos, I screamed "FUNK ME!" and ran into my funking bedroom to have a good funking cry. It hurt me so funking much." |
| The pictures in question show Miss Clap involved with a funking chap, whose name we can't funking well reveal. However, it has come to light that the funking chap in the funking photos is not going to sue. "Thank funk for that," said Jeannie, "I was worried I might have to lose all my funking wealth. That would have funked me right up." Jeannie's new modelling contract will be signed by her tomorrow. "I'm so funking glad." |
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| FUNKING SHOWBIZ COUPLE IN FIGHT Couple Fred and Ada have been seen by our funking photogra-pher in a funking brawl. Full funking story on page 7. |
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| NEW FUNKING COINS IN OUR FUNKING CIRCULATION Some new funking coins will be here soon, and then we'll all be well and truly funked. Full story page 9. |
| FUNKING ROVERS WIN THE FUNKING GAME! FULL STORY ON BACK PAGE, YOU FUNK! |