| ALL'S WELL.... with Michael Jimmery |
| Jimmery: Hello! And welcome to 'All's Well', with me, Michael Jimmery. Now, our guest tonight is one of Hollywood's major players. An acclaimed writer and director, and also an accomplished actor, I'd like to introduce you all to..... QUENTIN TARANTINO!!!!!! (Applause from audience. Quentin Tarantino makes his way wearily from backstage, giving the audience a half hearted smile. He shakes Jimmery's hand and sits down) Jimmery: Good evening, scum. Tarantino: (Furrows brow) Good evening. (Long pause) Jimmery: So, um, tell me about your new film... Tarantino: I don't have a new film - the last film I released was 'Jackie Brown'... and that was years ago. Jimmery: Right... (Pause) So why don't you tell us about that, then? Tarantino: I told you about it when it was first released in 1998... Jimmery: Oh, alright, then. (Long pause - looks down at hands. Drums fingers on desk) So, um, your drink and drugs problems, then? Tarantino: Wha-? Jimmery: There's nothing wrong with it, Quentin. Don't worry. All of us like to smack up now and then... it's no problem... Tarantino: What ARE you talking about? Jimmery: Look, there's no ("trucking" - Ed) problem with it! I'm not offended that you deal and take heroin! Tarantino: I don't DO heroin! Jimmery: Oh, don't give me that you JUNKIE SCUM. It's all the same with you Hollywood types. You come over to England, try and promote your new film - Tarantino: I don't HAVE a new film... Jimmery: Silence, overrated director SCUM! I know what's what! You're a junkie washout and I'm Michael Jimmery! YOU HEAR ME TARANTINO? YOU SCUM? I'M MICHAEL JIMMERY!!!!! (Tarantino stands and looks Jimmery straight in the eye) Tarantino: I don't have to put up with this sort of rubbish... Jimmery: SCUM!!!!!!! I could say the same about your films, you junkie SCUM! (Tarantino punches Jimmery in the face and walks out, muttering to himself) Jimmery: COME BACK HERE YOU SCUM!!! YOU JUNKIE SCUM SCUM! I'M MICHAEL JIMMERY!!!!!!! COME BACK! (Lights dim, everyone sits in silence. Applause goes up and Jimmery stands) Jimmery: Thankyou, Quentin! More the same time, next update on PLANET MORON. |
 |
| This isn't potato... I'm going to find some proper fruit... |