On Jesus:

"Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent."

"I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because, well, he's a dirty old bum. But then I thought, theres something special about him..." "Because it was Jesus, right?" "Yeah."

" I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life."

"I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party."

"I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagles wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk! "

On Ricky Bobby:

"So when you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?"