THE OATH OF ALLEGIANCE
In the English Language
|
THE OATH OF ALLEGIANCE |
| I............do solemnly, sincerely and truly declare and affirm, that I myself - that's me, that is - will be faithful and bear true allegiance to His Majesty King Mangle Bangle Bongle Dangle Dingle Dongelhousen the Third of the Planet Sluggh his heirs and successors according to the laws on Planet Sluggh and the Sluggard People and will always respect the Sluggard Flag. |
Translates to:
In the Sluggh Language
Don der Sluggh Garble
| Der Bumph Fak Spectalen |
| Em............diddle grovlen, franken al nadfals vowlen al asslen, dem em moneleve - dem ip ma, dem ip - bus dib slappen al hump naffle spectalen sum Ahim Gandlin Ganmutt Mangle Bangle Bongle Dangle Dingle Dongelhousen der Trind fak der Ganket Sluggh ahim seedsaken al tregark dinklem sum der roolen slug Ganket Sluggh al der Sluggard Kindlen al bus nand histeem der Sluggard Fluggel. |
Please note a certain dress code exists throughout this ancient ceremony and certain paraphernalia must be brought with you. This dress code must be adhered to in order to receive:
"Full Sluggh Citizenship"
on planet Sluggh.
The dress consists of a Hessian sack-cloth outer garment with a gold braid cord fastened around the waist and a gold Aardvark broach fastener. Olive green knee-length-socks with three small turnips inserted in the top of each sock held in place by white garters. The shoes must be of the ancient Sluggard type a curled up type slipper preferably in gold. A pair of tartan slippers is allowed as a substitute. The head covering can be a white handkerchief knotted in each corner.
The extra items required are:
1. A toasting fork
2. A small handful of straw
3. A box 12" square and 6" deep
4. A box of matches
5. A blowlamp
6. Apron
7. A large pair of gauntlets
8. I small bottle of Blotoyl
9. A scooped out King-Whelk-Shell
10. Step ladders will be provided 6 feet high
Procedure- the candidate must enter the ceremonial building attired in the ancient Sluggard garb carrying his ceremonial items in a shoulder bag of his own choosing. He/She must challenge the Sluggard Protector General who is guarding the ceremonial chamber door to his words:
"WAM SEKAN ARVAN HERRING WIB DER TITLEM SLUGGARD GROOPLEX FAK LONGANTOYLHOUS"
TRANSLATES TO:
"WHO SEEKS AN AUDIENCE WITH THE HONORARY SLUGGARD COUNCIL OF CITIZENSHIP"
You must then reply exactly these words as you slap his left cheek with the gauntlets:
"OOT FAK MA SPAN VU ANSHEN SLUGGARD BEEST"
TRANSLATES TO:
"OUT OF MY WAY YOU ANCIENT SLUGGARD TWIT"
The guard is offered a piece of straw and you must scratch his back with the toasting fork. He will then bow low and the candidate will then be afforded an audience with the three Senior Sluggard Immigration Officials, but first the candidate must knock on the outer chamber door with the handle of the toasting fork reciting the following.
"STAK MA DON, STAK MA DON, STAK MA DON, MA SEKAN BUX SLUGGARD LONGANTOYLHOUS"
"LET ME IN, LET ME IN, LET ME IN, I SEEK FULL SLUGGARD CITIZENSHIP"
You await their response. Take care here they may try to trick you. They must all answer together simultaneously.
"BER DON VU EARTHLING BEEST"
translates to:
"COME IN YOU EARTHLING TWIT"
You then slowly and solemnly enter the room and bow low to the panel of illustrious Sluggards. You take the items from your shoulder bag and show the panel each item before carefully placing them in an orderly row at their feet.
They will give you a friendly wave of their majestic hands and will all speak together in unison.
"AB VU ARV MIK CHOSEMIBOB AKL UM"
translates to:
"HAVE YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR US"
To which you reply:
"DAK VUM SLUGGARD GANDLINEN"
translates to:
"YES YOUR SLUGGARD MAJESTIES"
You carefully remove the three small turnips from your left sock and give one each to the three Sluggard Officials. You must then say:
"MA SUPPAGARK EM STIK VU MA TRIK CHIPSEN HAGE ARV MEDABON FAK MA HISTEEM SUM DER SLUGGARD KINDLEN"
translates to:
"MY LORDS I GIVE YOU MY THREE AARDVARK DROPPINGS AS A TOKEN OF MY RESPECT FOR YOU"
They will nod their heads and bow down low and then each nibble the turnip whilst you prepare your blowlamp for the "Ceremonial Sluggard Dance" As was stipulated in the Sluggard Citizenship handbook a relatively old fashioned brass-lamp must be used with the paraffin and plungers type arrangement. You place the lighted lamp on the floor step back and pirouette taking in at least three turns, then bow or curtsey and then stand fearlessly over the lighted blow lamp and proceed to do the splits until the flame is within lighting distance of your Hessian gown but be careful not to burst in flames in front of the three Sluggard Officials or your application will be refused. You only have to do this once before proceeding to the final challenge. The climbing of the "Ceremonial Steps of Slugghdom" The three Sluggard Officials will shout simultaneously:
"SCRAPEN MA CHOSE SEEDHOUSEN"
translates to:
"TOAST ME SOME NUTS"
You then toast the three Sluggard Officials heartily by drinking some Blotoyl in a scooped out King-Whelk-Shell saying.
"BONG DONGHOUSEN AL GANTUAN GANSPLASHEN VUM SLUGGARD GANDLINEN"
translates to:
"GOOD HEALTH AND IMMENSE WEALTH YOUR SLUGGARD MAJESTIES"
They will then tell you to:
"GORTAN SUM DER HERDAL FAK SLUGGHENGANTOYLHOUS"
translates to:
"PROCEED TO THE CLIMB OF SLUGGHDOMSHIP"
You must now proceed very carefully donned in your apron and gauntlets carrying your straw, toasting-fork and blowlamp up the Steps of Slugghdomship each step climbed you must stop and through your open legs scratch your left buttock with the toasting fork then shake the box containing the straw. Upon reaching the top step you retrieve the remaining three turnips from your right sock and place them in the box of straw and toast them lightly until crisp.
Extinguish the lamp and hold the box of turnips forth reciting the above Oath of Allegiance.
"Congratulations Earthling you have now achieved "Full Sluggard Citizenship" and have all rights appertaining to that title."