The Sound of Battle, or, DBZ the Musical!
By Jeisre Ice

 Scene 1

(Earth, remote valley, Vegeta enters on the top of a hill, twirling around and shooting random Ki-blasts at the rocks around himself)

 The Sound of Battle
(music from song "Sound of Music")

 Vegeta.
The fate fills my life with the sound of battle,
The songs of the swords and the cries of pain!
My life fills my heart with the love for battle,
My heart wants to play every part of this game!

 My heart wants to sing like a ki-blast that flies
Through the flesh of my foes!
My heart wants to soar like my power level,
Each time stronger than before!

 To laugh at those weak and obnoxious fools
Who do not understand!
To praise my own strength
And the power that lies at my hands!

 I go kill someone, when I feel unhappy,
The agony cries - music to my ears
My life has been blessed by the sound of battle,
And this way I'll stay for years!

 (Suddenly he remembers something and takes off, heading to the Kami Lookout)

Scene 2

(Kami Lookout, Z Warriors get-together, a big argument is taking place)

 Piccolo (spoken)
I say we ban Vegeta from the group! Every time we get together, he never shows up!

 Yamcha (spoken)
I agree! He's useless in everything except fighting! We have the 25^th World Singing Budokai coming up, and he refuses to sing in our choir! He doesn't have any team spirit!

 Goku (spoken)
Hey, guys, we can't just kick him out... There must be something good about him...

 Everyone (except Bulma)
NO!!!!

 Vegeta
(music from song "Maria")

 Krillin
He kicks my butt, and laughs out loud,
Then gives my head a shine!

 Tien
He calls me 'freak of nature' and then pokes me in the eye!

 Piccolo
He chases after Popo, shouting: "Genie, grant my wish!!!"

 Yamcha
I even saw him trying to kiss Bulma!

 Bulma (spoken)
(You did not!!!!)

 Chaotzu
He's always late for meetings!

 Bulma
But he does come every time!

 Goku
He never comes to visit us!

 Gohan
Except for when we dine!

 Piccolo
I hate to say this, Goku, but we think it would be best,

 Everyone (except for Goku and Bulma)
To kick Vegeta out now and forever!

 Bulma
I'll say a word that surely should put an end to this dispute...

 Goku(spoken)
(Then say it, Bulma!)

 Bulma
Vegeta's awfully CUTE!!!

 Everyone(spoken)
(OH PHA-LEE-SE!!!)

 Everyone
How do you solve a problem like Vegeta?

 Piccolo
How do you catch that jerk and pin him down?!

 Everyone
How do you find a word that means Vegeta?

 Bulma
A cute little guy!

 Yamcha
One heck of a swine!

 Piccolo
A clown!

 Everyone
Many bad things you know you want to tell him!
Curse and swear, you know you can't resist!

 Bulma
But you know that you won't say it,
Yes, you will just not dare!

 Yamcha
Because you never want to get him pissed!

 Everyone
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Vegeta???
How do you calm a soul of the beast?

 Bulma
When I'm around him I feel fine,
He has really blown my mind,
You just have to learn to like him as he is!

 Krillin
He is ruthless, he's insane!

 Chaotzu
For this planet he is bane!

 Bulma
He's a darling!

 Piccolo
He's a demon!

 Yamcha
He's a ape!

 Krillin
He can drive you off your mind!
He can make you loose your spine!

 Tien
He can bug you to the point of nauseousness!

 Bulma
He's a good soul, he's the best!

 Yamcha
He's a huge pain in the ass!

 Piccolo
He's a killer!

 Bulma
He's a fighter!

 Goku
He's a Saiyan!!!

 Everyone
How do you solve a problem like Vegeta?

 Piccolo
How do you catch that jerk and pin him down?!

 Everyone
How do you find a word that means Vegeta?

 Bulma
A cute little guy!

 Yamcha
One heck of a swine!

Piccolo
A clown!

 Everyone
Many bad things you know you want to tell him!
Curse and swear, you know you can't resist!

 Bulma
But you know that you won't say it,
Yes, you will just not dare!

 Yamcha
Because you never want to get him pissed!

 Everyone
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Vegeta???.....

 (Suddenly Vegeta lands at the Lookout. Everyone instantly become silent)

 Vegeta (spoken)
Just like I thought! I only wasted my time by coming here! You're not even eating, you're just blabbering again! Well, in that case: buh-bloody-bye! If you feel like fighting, Kakarot, you know where to find me!

 (Vegeta flies off. Everyone look after him)

 Everyone (quietly)
How do you calm a soul of the beast?

Scene 3

(A remote valley, Vegeta's favorite training ground. Vegeta amuses himself by blasting squirrels from the trees. Suddenly Goku lands. Vegeta gets up to greet him.)

 Vegeta(spoken)
So, Kakarot, changed your mind about fighting?

 Goku(spoken)
Actually I'm here to... ummm...

 Vegeta(spoken)
To what??? Speak up, you fool!

 Goku(spoken)
Well, you're still the part of the Z Warriors and... we kinda have stuff that we do together... and you never there when we do it... others aren't really happy about it...

 Vegeta(spoken) snarls
I don't give a damn about their opinion!

 Goku(spoken)
Hey, Vegeta... There's a 25^th World Singing Budokai coming up, we gonna sing there, and we really want you to do a solo!!!

 Vegeta(spoken) snarls
I can't sing!

 Goku(spoken) exited
I'm sure you can, you just don't know it yet! I can teach you to sing right! I bet, it can become one of your favorite things...

 Vegeta(spoken) evilly
What do you know about my favorite things, Kakarot?!

 Vegeta's Favorite Things
(music from song "My Favorite Things")

 Vegeta

Blood stains on armor and wounds on the body,
Firing Ki-blasts and killing somebody,
Being born as a Prince, then becoming a King:
These are a few of my favorite things!

 Having no mercy and being a bad boy,
Finding a fool who is fun to annoy,
When somebody flies and you cut their wings:
These are a few of my favorite things!

 Mocking the baby and taking his candy,
Charring the threads on some young cocky dandy,
Being myself, which means being a fiend:
These are a few of my favorite things!

 When stuff happens, all you sissies
Just give up and die,
But I simply do all my favorite things
And then I feel so alive!!!

 Vegeta(spoken)
See, Kakarot, how could singing possibly become one of my favorite things?

 Goku(spoken)
Well, you can learn to like it... in time?

 Vegeta(spoken)
I doubt that!

 Goku(spoken)
Well, you can at least try it... Think of it as learning a new fighting technique.

 Vegeta(spoken)
Sounds amusing, Kakarot! Alright, I'll give it a try, but it better be worth it!

 Goku(spoken)
I'm sure you'll like it, let's see now....

   Do-Re-Me-Me-ME!!!
(music from song "Do-Re-Me")

 Goku
Let me try to teach you,
I'm sure it's not so hard...
When we train we begin with...

 Vegeta
Punch and kick!

 Goku
When we sing we begin with Do-Re-Me...

 Vegeta
Do- hell what?

 Goku
Do-Re-Me
The first three 'moves' of singing as you see
Are Do-Re-Me...

 Vegeta
Hmmm... Do-Re-Me?

 Goku
Do-Re-Me-Fa-So-La-Ti-Do...
Ummm... let's see if I can give some examples...

 Doh - it's what you say when you miss,
Ray - a very long Ki-blast,
Me - is who you love the best,
Far -  you fly there very fast!
Sew, when your suit gets a rip!
La, you sing when you are bored!
Tea - it's what you never drink!
Did you get all that?

 Vegeta
No!

 Goku
DOH-DOH-DOH-DOH!!!!
(spoken)
Ok, just repeat after me!

 Together
Doh - it's what you/I say when you/I miss,
Ray - a very long Ki-blast,
Me - is who you/I love the best,
Far -  you/I fly there very fast!
Sew, when your/my suit gets a rip!
La, you/I sing when you are/I am bored!
Tea - it's what you/I never drink!

 Goku
Did you get it now?

 Vegeta
I think so-oh-oh!

 Goku(spoken)
(Now all you need to learn is how to put the notes together, like this...)
So Do La Fa Me Do Re
So Do La Ti Do Re Do

 Vegeta(spoken)
(What the heck does that mumbo-jumbo mean?!?)

 Goku(spoken)
(For it to make sense you put in words, one word for every note.)

 Vegeta(spoken)
(Like this?)
I can kick them hard and fast,
And I kill them with Ki-blasts!

 Goku(spoken)
(Yeah... something like that...)

 Vegeta(spoken)
(Hmmm... I kinda like it! Hey, Kakarot, how about we do it two-voice!)

 Together
OOOOH-OH!!!

 Vegeta(spoken)
You know, Kakarot, this whole singing stuff isn't so bad...

 Goku(spoken)
So, you'll do a solo?

 Vegeta(spoken)
Well, since you're begging me... Alright, I'll be at that Budokai! But don't expect me to turn up for your group rehearsals!

 (Vegeta flies off)

Scene 4

(One month later. The ring of the 25^th World Singing Budokai. Z Warriors arrive. Vegeta and Bulma are missing)

 Yamcha(spoken)
See I told you he won't show up!!!

 Goku(spoken)
No, he's here. Bulma's helping him to dress for the 'show'.

 Piccolo(spoken)
Well, at least he came, but I bet he won't have the guts to come on the stage! What are we singing, Goku?

 Goku(spoken)
We sing the "Sound of Battle", and Vegeta is supposed to sing his solo right after we finish.

 Piccolo(spoken)
Expect to have no solo, Goku! He's gonna chicken out!

 Goku(spoken) shrugs
Well, anyway... take your positions, we're on in 10 minutes!

 (Backstage. Vegeta's makeup room. Voices come from behind the locked door.)

 Vegeta(spoken)
Shut up, woman! I'm perfectly fine!

 Bulma(spoken)
No, you're not! You're nervous, Vegeta!

 Vegeta(spoken)
Well, don't just stand there, find a way to calm me down!

 Bulma(spoken)
How about this?

 (Pause)

 Vegeta(spoken)
What right NOW???

 Bulma(spoken)
Relax I'll guide you through...

 Touch Everywhere
(music from song "Climb Every Mountain")

 Bulma
Touch everywhere,
Feel every curve,
Savor each sensation
Till you feel that nerve!

 A nerve that will light
Every sense in you mind,
You are confident now,
Cos you know what to find!

 Touch everywhere,
Feel every curve,
Savor each sensation
Till you feel that nerve!

 (Soon. On the stage of the 25^th World Singing Budokai. Z Warriors are lined up to perform. Vegeta is still missing)

 Piccolo(spoken) whispering
See, Goku, I told you he's gonna flee!

 Goku(spoken) whispering
Well, we can't back off now... We gotta at least sing our choir song...

 The Ring Master(spoken)
Next up the Z Family Singers!

 Piccolo(spoken) whispering
What the...?!?!?!  Who signed us up as a family?!?!

 Gohan(spoken) whispering
I did, mister Piccolo...

 (Pause)

 Piccolo(spoken) whispering
Oh, never mind than... Good boy, Gohan!

 Goku(spoken) whispering
Shhh!!! We're on!

 The Sound of Battle
(music from song "Sound of Music")

 Everyone
The fate fills my life with the sound of battle,
(Goku, Gohan & Chaotzu: O-o-oh!)
The songs of the swords and the swifts of blasts!
(Goku, Gohan & Chaotzu: O-oh!)

 (Suddenly Vegeta enters and comes up on stage)

 Vegeta
My life fills my heart
(Everyone: A-ah!)
 with the love for battle,
Forever more
(Everyone: O-oh!)
 it lasts!
(Everyone: A-a-a-ah!)

 (The audience applauds. The Z Warriors smile at each other. The Ring Master calls for silence.)

 The Ring Master(spoken)
And now the soloist of the Z Family Singers will perform his solo!

 (Vegeta steps forward in complete silence)

 Saiya-jin
(music from song "Edelweiss")

 Vegeta
Saiya-jin! Saiya-jin!
How much pride in that word!
Brave and strong,
Bad to the bone,
Power is in your blood!
Greatest warrior race in space,
Born to fight, rise to power!
Saiya-jin! Saiya-jin!
Blessed my origin be!

 (The crowd drowns in ovations. Everyone stands. All the lights fade, except for the spot light around Vegeta. He feels a single tear rolling down his cheek, but brushes it off instantly. The audience continues to ovate.)

 (A voice comes from behind Vegeta)

 Goku(spoken)
Vegeta! You have found a way to defeat me!

 (Vegeta's face lightens with a triumphant smile. He bows to the audience.)

 (Curtain)

 End

 Disclaimer: All DBZ characters are copyright to Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation and Funimation, and are used without permission but with great affection. The story is copyright to Jeisre Ice. Permission is given by the author to copy this story for personal use, provided no changes are done to the story or this note.