Foreword: This is the fourth story of the Icion Saga, it happens sometime after "The Essence of True Power". Please be warned that this story contains language that may offend some people (rated PG-13).

 Zarbon, I 'shrunk' the Ginyu Force!!!
By Jeisre Ice

 "Now, you sure, you gonna be ok?" Deirdre gave the seven men an unsure look.

 Her one foot was already inside the space pod, the other was still outside.  She was holding the edge of the opened hatch.  Her gaze expressed uncertainty.  It seemed as if the next moment she was going to change her mind.

 Frieza didn't give her time to consider that option.

 "Of course, we'll be fine. It's not like we're infants or something..." he snapped rather intolerantly, pushing her inside the space pod, "Besides you're only going away for a week� jeez!"

 Deirdre gave them another uncertain gaze, but then sighed,

 "Oh, alright� just make sure you� behave yourselves�   Burter, no bets on who can run faster and no races around the corridors!  Ginyu, take it easy with chocolate-nut bars: no more than 10 a day!  Recoome, only FOUR hours of TV per day, please!  Guldo, no chilly-burgers, remember you're on a diet!  Jeice, try not to sit in front of the computer all day, and for god's sake, eat, no more "I can survive on milk-shakes" schemes!  Zarbon, keep it to showering morning and evening only, not every three hours!  And, Jeice, Zarbon�" Deirdre paused giving the two men a long look.

 "Yes???" they gave her an innocent smile, flashing their eyelashes.

 "NO FIGHTING YOU TWO!!!"

 "Aawww�" the quiet pout sounded, as the two elite warriors shot a murderous gaze at each other.

 Deirdre's attention shifted to the last person who she hadn't given   instructions to.

 "Umm� Frieza�" she made a definite gesture with her hand, hinting him to come closer and then whispered something in his ear.

 Frieza's eyes widened and his face turned red.

 "Remember to� change my 'you-know-what'� every day�" he mumbled, startled from the embarrassment, "Who'd'fk you take me for?!"

 She gave him the gaze that was code-named "Icia-stare".  The look that his mother used to give him when he was still a child, a naughty child.

 Frieza's angry grimace instantly turned into a sheep-like submission.

 "Okay�" he said with his "child's" voice.  It seemed as if the next moment he was going to stick his thumb into his mouth.

 "Now, you make sure that you do that," Deirdre said, softening her gaze.

 That was enough for Frieza to "come to his senses",

 "Yeah, yeah�  And you make sure that you...  have a good time!" he grumbled, shutting the hatch of the space pod before Deirdre could say anything else, "Have a good trip, see you soon, buh-bye!"

 Frieza smashed his fist into the start button on the main control panel by the space pod field.  Deirdre's pod shook and took off.

 For a moment all seven men stared into the dark sky, as if making sure that Deirdre's space pod isn't coming back. Then a joyful, simultaneous cheer shook the air,

 "YAY!!!!!!!"

 Some satisfied by doing the standard "Yes!" gesture with a clenched-fisted hand, Burter and Jeice gave each other a "five", followed by their personal handshake, while Captain Ginyu commenced into performing his famous Dance of Joy.  Even Frieza couldn't help expressing his "emotion that resembles joy", in his own way, of course.  He clawed his fingers, drawing his hands on the level of his face, and tapped the fingers together.

 "Excellent!" he hissed with a predatory grin.

 "How great is this!!!" Captain Ginyu spoke, finishing the last twirl of the Dance of Joy, "Now we can do whatever we want, without feeling guilty about it! Just like in good old days!!!"

 "Yes," Zarbon nodded with a mixture of a regret in his grin, "I must admit... with Deirdre around it is so hard be nasty... Now I even think twice before hitting someone."

 A few discordant "yeah's" followed from the Ginyu Force: it was obvious that they too acquired that "complex". Suddenly Frieza's angry voice made everyone shudder,

 "Do you realize what you're blabbering, you idiots?! You've allowed yourselves to become spineless marionettes of a... MONKEY!!!! What a disgrace! This only proves yet again that you have an inferior intellect, liable to brainwashing. You're like newborn babies: she's got you eating out of the palm of her hand! But try as she might, she will never be able to trick me. On the contrary, I always make a fool out of her..." Frieza thought for a moment and decided to give an example to support his statement, "Just a few days ago, a Brakhian from the third squadron spilled a bucket of soapy water on the floor in my headquarters, I was about to blast his hind, when Deirdre came in. Of course, she tried to talk me out of killing that clumsy midget... And you know what I did?! I told her that I won't kill him only if she personally cleans the mess that he's made! So she had no other choice than to humiliate herself by scrubbing the floor in my quarters!"

 Frieza gave a self-proud grin and waited for the response.  But the only thing he got in reply were empty gazes: his men obviously didn't get the point of the story or were waiting for him to continue.  Frieza decided not to disappoint them and humiliate Deirdre even more.

 "Then she attempted another trick," Frieza started speaking rather quickly, anxious to keep the audiences attention and get to the end of the story faster, "She started babbling some nonsense, to confuse me, and then casually asked me to give her a hand!  HA!!!  How stupid does she think I am?! This trick would definitely work on you, numb-skulls, but never on me! So I told her that! She was so mad that her trick didn't work, that she actually forgot how you're supposed to mop the floor! That stupid monkey was awkwardly pushing the mop around for a damn five minutes! I was so fed up with watching her idiocy that I snatched the mop away and said: 'Look how it's supposed to be done, you foolish woman!' And I cleaned that room in two minutes flat!!! Now what do you say to tha......"

 Nice going, dope! Frieza's mind commented ironically.

 Frieza stopped in the middle of the word, his eyes widened as he met the gazes of his men. Although they tried to conceal it, it was plain that they hardly retained from bursting out with laughter.  Frieza shut his jaw and swallowed nervously.

 That's right, just shut up! his mind told him again, You've already said too much... DOPE!

 "D'oh!" Frieza cursed to himself, furiously thinking how to get out of his predicament. But the next moment he acquired his usual cold composure back.

 "Well?!  What are you staring at, you imbeciles?!" he hissed in his usual threatening manner, "Didn't you have plans for the evening?!"

 That had a definite effect, Frieza's elite warriors broke the silence.

 "Yeah, I think, I'll be off, mates," Jeice said, carelessly gesturing his hand, "My PC needs some urgent attention!"

 Recoome made a dumb grimace,

 "Well, that's sure a polite way of saying that you need to take a whiz..."

 Jeice froze in his tracks, the expression on his face was as if someone stuck a pin in his butt.

 "You idiot!!!" he yelled at Recoome, while the rest of the team were laughing out loud, "I was talking about my computer, not my......!!!!!!!!!"

 "Why do spend so much time at that dumb machine anyway?" Guldo asked, having stopped laughing, "I don't find it one bit worth my time!"

 "You'd change your mind if you take a look at Jeice's collection of porn links!" Burter chuckled.

 Now Jeice went purple (that's how he blushed).

 "I... I..." he mumbled, giving Burter THE EYE, "I just stumbled across those! I don't even have them anymore! And the reason why I spend so much time at the computer is because I'm making my website!"

 Burter grinned again,

 "Yeah... 'Jeice's House' - the best adult site on the Universe Wide Web, one day free trial, plus free pics of Jeice posing nude via email..."

 Burter's eager speech was cut short by Jeice's fist slamming into his gut. Burter groaned and clenched his teeth to retain from spitting out blood. While Jeice, having vividly expressed that he won't tolerate any more of such jokes, silently headed off.

 When he disappeared beyond the corner of the corridor, Zarbon whispered to Burter,

  "Listen, when he gets that site up, GIVE ME THE URL!!!"

 Burter ignored that, just like he always did.

 "Oh, I gotta go too, guys," Recoome spoke suddenly, "They're running two hours of 'Lizard Ball X' and 'Gum-Gum Wing' on 'Coo-coo Network' channel today, and I don't wanna miss it. Those soaps are my favorite!"

 Recoome was about to take off, when he was stopped by Guldo.

 "Hmm... I think I'll watch it too," the chubby alien croaked, "Let's just make a quick stop by the food storage, I'll grab a few chili-burgers, cos I'm starving!"

 "I'll have some of those too," Recoome nodded eagerly, "And some popcorn as well!"

 The two mercenaries headed off.

 "Speaking of food," Captain Ginyu said, watching them leave, "I feel like something sweet. I'm going down to the lunch room to get a few chocolate-nut bars..."

 "Race you there, Captain!" Burter recovered from Jeice's blow, and was ready to test his speed.

 "You race me?! With your power level at half of mine! Ha! Don't make me laugh!" Ginyu smirked.

 "Bet ya two choc's I'll beat you to the lunch room!"

 "You're on!"

 The Captain and his subordinate assumed the runner's poses.

 "Ready... Set... GOOO!!!" and they dashed down the corridor like two lightning strikes.

 Now only Zarbon and Frieza remained. For a moment they both kept silent; Frieza thinking, Zarbon pretending to think.

 "Umm... well..." Zarbon finally dared to speak, "Since... you don't need me, I think I'll go... wash my hair... It's been almost ten hours since I last washed it, it's getting all oily."

 Frieza didn't react in any way. Zarbon shrugged and thought to himself,

 Well, just cos you embarrassed yourself doesn't mean you should ignore me! Ha! I bet he's going to suck his thumb when I leave!

 He turned around and headed off. The next moment Frieza's voice made him stop,

 "And where do you think you're going?!" the tyrant growled (not threatening, just out of habit), "It was the Ginyu Force I gave an evening off, and you, as far as I know, are not yet a member of that team!"

 Zarbon barely retained from giving his master a poisonous glare.

 Sometimes I truly regret I'm not one of those posing freaks! he thought with irritation, At least they GET time off!

 Meanwhile Frieza continued,

 "I want you to assist me with a little experiment.  Come, Zarbon, to the lab, we must prepare."

 Frieza turned around and started walking. Zarbon shrugged and followed his master.

 "Prepare for what, sir?" he asked as he caught up with Frieza, "What are we going to do?"

 An evil grin stretched Frieza's lips, almost maniacal excitement burned in his eyes.

 "The same thing I've been doing every day for the past 50 years, Zarbon: TRY TO GAIN IMMORTALITY AND TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE!"

 The only thing that this triumphant phrase was missing is a lighting strike in the background. Zarbon rolled his eyes.

 Oh, God! Here we go again! Another crazy scheme to become immortal... *Sigh* But who am I to argue...

 They silently walked down the corridor to the lab. Frieza had personally re-equipped the lab for his never-ending experiments in search of a recipe for eternal life. Deirdre even mockingly noticed to Zarbon that Frieza was morally disintegrating: his obsession with immortality was turning him from the ruthless tyrant into a mad scientist, or rather an explosive combination of both.

 Zarbon sighed and ran his gaze over the endless rows of glass tubes and bulbs.  God knows what kind of liquids they contained: Frieza experimented with everything, from harmless water to liquid trinitrotoluene (TNT that is)... Again only God knew how he managed to survive numerous accidental explosions caused by his carelessness.  After about six of such "accidents" Deirdre forbid Frieza (using the Icia Stare and other similar methods of persuasion) to carry on with his "chemistry obsession". So now Frieza could only sneak into the lab when Deirdre was absent from the ship.

 Silently Frieza "fired up" the equipment necessary for the work. Then he began moving the tubes around, getting all the required components in order.

 Zarbon yawned and leaned on the table (of course, first making sure that there was nothing on the edge he leaned on). He watched his master pouring liquids from one bulb into another.

 What's he gonna make me do today? Frieza's right hand henchman wondered, This lab assisting stuff is SO boring! All I get to do is hold tubes over fire and hand him stuff... Speaking of holding tubes over the fire: I bet anything those chemical fumes are TOXIC! If I don't get out of this "lab assistant" job, I'm sure to contract some kind of fatal lung disease...  not to mention the resent thinning of my hair...

 "Zarbon, for crying out loud!!! Are you deaf?!?!" Frieza's angry voice brought Zarbon back to reality.

 "Oh, sorry, sir," he said, making a step towards Frieza.

 Frieza extended him a glass tube filled with purple liquid.

 "Hold it over the fire until the liquid turns light pink.  According to my calculations that should take precisely two minutes and 14 seconds, if you keep it over the fire for too long, it's going to become unstable. It took me a week to bring this solution to the right condition, so if you make a mistake I'll have to re-do the whole thing over again... In plain English: screw up and I'll have your internal organs preserved in these tubes!"

 Zarbon gulped, but forced himself to nod.

 "Good," Frieza grinned and turned to a big machine of some sort.

 Zarbon silently began to carry out Frieza's order. Soon the liquid in the tube began to boil. The purple solution was thick and reminded of molten lava, yet it had one annoying feature - it smelled atrociously sickening. Zarbon barely held back the protests of his stomach - vomit was crawling up his throat.

 "Umm... Master Frieza... You're... umm... not going to drink this stuff, are you? It smells terrible!"

 "Just make sure you keep your eyes on it, Zarbon," Frieza answered without turning, "And, no, I'm not going to drink it! I'm finished with all this 'magic potion' business! I'm not taking another drop of any of these...   Not after what happened with that accursed 'immortality elixir'! Shit, that stuff actually turned me into a..."

 Zarbon choked and barely managed to drown the laughter in his throat. But although he didn't make a sound, his body was shaking as if in convulses. Frieza shot a murderous glare over his shoulder.

 "Yes," he filtered through clenched teeth, "It turned me into a herbivorous mammal, classified as Bos grunniens, commonly known as a Yak..."

 This was the last straw, Zarbon couldn't hold himself back any longer: he literally exploaded with laughter. He remembered too clear that comical situation, when in a puff of blue smoke Frieza transformed into a yak (to add to the insult, just a baby yak), and stood in the middle of the lab, emitting drear "moo's" and dabbing his wet snout into Zarbon's hand. If it weren't for Deirdre reversing the process, the Terror of the Galaxy would have had to graze for living for the rest of his life. But the situation was even funnier because when Zarbon went to get Deirdre, the baby yak (which had none of Frieza's superior intellect) followed Zarbon around the ship and accidentally ran into the Ginyu Force. Zarbon, of course, had to explain "how in the hell" 'a cow' got on board of their space ship. While the four of the Ginyu Forces laughed their heads off, Captain Ginyu asked with the most serious expression on his face if he can "keep 'im as a pet"...

 All these memories made Zarbon laugh until he got chest pains. Suddenly he stopped, having met Frieza's icy-cold stare.

 "So you find it amusing, my young friend?!" the tyrant hissed like a cobra ready to bite, "Let's see if you'll be laughing, when I extract your brain through your nostrils! If you've spilled a drop of that solution, I'll personally mummify you!"

 Zarbon jerked his head towards the tube.  The liquid was now boiling at the edge threatening to overflow and it's color was starting to turn white. Zarbon seized the tube and jerked it away from the fire, ignoring the fiery heat that immediately burned his hand. Spooked to the extreme, Zarbon hastily (and quietly) began to blow at the liquid, trying to cool it. The boiling stopped, and the liquid slowly began to change its color to light pink. Zarbon gave a sigh of relief.

 "From the way you're breathing I take it the solution is fine," Frieza's voice sounded over Zarbon's ear. He turned to see his master demandingly extending his hand. Zarbon handed him the tube.

 "OUCH!!!" Frieza yelped as soon as the tube entered his hand. He started juggling it around.

 "You idiot! Why didn't you say it was hot?!?!"

 Zarbon stared at his hand. It was badly burnt, but the pain didn't bother him for some reason.

 "I didn't find it hot, sir," he mumbled, continuing to stare at his hand.

 "That's cos you're thick-skinned! And thick-headed too! Can't you do anything right, for a change?!"

 Still mad at his henchman, Frieza turned and headed to the machine he was working on before. The next moment he poured the contents of the tube into one of the numerous valves. He then continued to manipulate different buttons and switches, setting the machine to the required status.  Soon Frieza turned back to Zarbon.

 "Well, don't just stand there like a dying palm tree in a desert, give me a hand!" the Terror of the Galaxy snarled.

 "Of course, sir," Zarbon snapped out of his trance and approached his master.

 "Alright, well here is what's going to happen," Frieza went straight to business, "I'm going to stand inside that glass dome over there. Precisely on my signal you press this button. That's all that's required from you, clear and simple. Now, did you get all that, or should I repeat once more and slowly?"

 "I got it, sir," Zarbon growled quietly and clenched his teeth. Frieza was going too far: this sort of attitude was tolerable for the Ginyu Force, but not for him! He wasn't a block-headed idiot, for crying out loud!

 "Good. Now, before we start, I just have to do something," Frieza took a little spray can in his hand, then he turned to Zarbon and pressed the cap of the can. Immediately a gooey liquid with a fowl stench covered Zarbon from head to toes.

 "EEEWWWW!!!" he green-haired fighter squealed, "Gross! Gross! Get it off me!!!"

 "Shut your yap, Zarbon. It's for your own safety: this solution will protect you from... umm... injury in case an accident occurs..."

 "WHAT?!?!" Zarbon's eyes widened in horror, "Hold on just one Kami-damned second! Recently my job started to involve much more risk then it ever did before! I understand getting killed in battle, but this is ridiculous!!! I don't wanna die in a lab accident! If I'm willing to risk my life, I want to know, at least, what I'm risking it for! Please, sir, if I get blown up, I want to know what I died doing! You haven't told me a thing about this experiment of yours..."

 Frieza glared at him for a moment, which made Zarbon somewhat sorry that he dared to speak with Frieza in such disrespectful manner.

 "Curiosity killed a cat, you know," Frieza then spoke rather impassively, "But very well, I'll tell you what I'm doing, although I doubt it will reach that grey mesh in your head...  I have recently come to a conclusion that immortality cannot be gained by the way of science: it can only be granted by supernatural powers, which, alas, are beyond my grasp. But it doesn't mean I can't live forever: all I have to do is keep my body relatively young. And I found a way to do this. I'll spare the details about my research, you won't be able to understand anyway, I'll get straight to business. I've programmed this machine to produce a balanced combination of an electric field and low-density radiation waves, mixed together with that pink solution on the molecular level, it will produce a force field, the environment of which stimulates any living cells to regenerate.  In other words, any living organism exposed to this force field will completely re-new its cells and, literally, grow younger."

 Zarbon dropped his jaw. He was astounded, to the say the least. Frieza has carried out all sorts of weird experiments, but this didn't fit into any frames anymore.

 "And the best thing," Frieza continued with a self-proud grin, "This process can be repeated whenever I want and as many times as I want!   So I can be young FOREVER!!! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"

 Zarbon critically glanced at his master, but didn't dare to express his opinion about this latest loony scheme. He knew that NOTHING (except, maybe, Deirdre) could stop Frieza from carrying out his plan. However, Zarbon had no wish whatsoever to be a part of this madness, and the only thing he could think of was trying to talk his way out of this. Zarbon sighed to himself and put on his "kiss up face",

 "Sir, that's the most amazing idea!" his voice was sugary-sweet, "Only you, the most intelligent, the most knowledgeable, the most outstanding mind in the Universe, could have devised such a brilliant..."

 Frieza abruptly interrupted him,

 "Shut it, Zarbon! You won't get your ass out of this by trying to kiss up to me! Now press the button, and if I hear one more word from you, I'll practice my surgery skills by amputating any of your limbs at random!"

 Zarbon bit his tongue. Frieza meanwhile proceeded straight into the glass dome, that somewhat looked like an igloo. As soon as Frieza stepped onto the platform the glass walls sealed him inside. Frieza directed his gaze at Zarbon and nodded.

 I guess, that's the signal, Zarbon thought, Great Kamis, if you're there somewhere, PLEASE let me live through this! I promise I'll be good, I'll never spit in Ginyu's ice-cream again, I won't ever again put a pin on Jeice's chair, and I swear I'll close that peek hole in the showers...

 Zarbon closed his eyes, took a deep breath and... pressed the button.

 Immediately the floor began to vibrate, a humming noise filled the lab. Besides that sound, constant steam hisses and energy crackling danced in the air. Then a blinding flash and a rumbling explosion followed. Then everything went silent again.

 Zarbon came around a few minutes later. Apparently he was buried under the remains of various lab equipment: pieces of paper, reduced to ashes, broken glass, all sorts of liquids and solids, and some kind of machinery parts.

 Moaning, rather from self-pity than pain, Zarbon pulled himself out of debris. To add to his grief his cape was partly dissolved by the acids from the broken tubes, and at the moment looked like a piece of Swiss cheese. His armor as well as the rest of his outfit had acquired all possible colors of the color spectrum due to the numerous stains. Holes and rips were another addition to his attire.

 Zarbon touched his face to make sure that it wasn't missing his nose or an eyeball. His  skin was relatively undamaged, yet he found out that he was missing an earring, while his circlet had become a necklace - it fell from his forehead down to his neck. But the utter most horror struck Zarbon when he brushed his hand over his hair. No less than two thirds of his braid were missing. Zarbon gave an abandoned cry of terror as he discovered his pride laying a few steps away from him as a giant, tangled, green hairball. Zarbon gave another cry and shuddered in hysterics.

 Meantime on the other side of the lab, Frieza has emerged from under a pile of similar waste. Apart from a few cuts and bruises he didn't change at all (age-wise, that is), and he realized it very well. However, he soon discovered a very annoying fact: although his body was undamaged, the explosion vaporized his outfit: blowing up the armor and shredding the uniform. Thus Frieza found himself in a very 'un-clothed' situation: not a thread to cover his shame and the nearest wardrobe half a ship away. There was only one way out for Frieza and he took it without hesitation: he warp-transformed into his fourth form. Now the clothing problem was no longer one of his worries.

 Thanks, Mom, Frieza said in his mind, knowing very well that his forth form was the legacy of his deceased mother. Perhaps, that was the main reason that he loved his true form more than any other. And it was also the reason why King Cold favored Koola, who inherited more traits from his father, while Frieza was more of a "mommy's son". And now that she was gone, he was the object of his family's collective hatred. Maybe this was the major reason why he desired immortality and power, then he could pay them back for his humiliation, for their denial of him, for his mothers death...

 Frieza furiously shook his head to chase away the depressing thoughts of his family dilemma. At the moment he had other much more pressing matters on his hands. His gaze found the cause of the explosion, which, as if teasing him, lay out in the open. The metal wire which was connected to the control machine and was supposed to transfer the mixed energy force into the glass dome, has entangled with another stray wire. Frieza lowered to see at wire it was. As soon as his fingers touched it, the realization shocked him.

 "Sweet Mother of Mercy!!!" he moaned and sank to his knees.

 Meanwhile Zarbon stopped weeping for his lost braid and was now boiling with uncontrollable rage: the next step in the ladder of his emotional splash outs. It was rear that he lost control like this, but when he did, Zarbon transformed into the unstoppable beast, only figuratively speaking of course, because lately Zarbon haven't used his second form at all. Lately as in "since Deirdre joined their team".

 But even in his first form Zarbon was terrifying in his wrath. Zarbon belonged to one of those few races, whose power level could be dramatically increased by the emotional status. Thus, sometimes, when cornered or emotionally devastated such people were capable of defeating the opponents much stronger than themselves. And Frieza was about to find out  what his right hand henchman was really made of. Blinded by rage Zarbon roared at his master,

 "Now look what you've done!!!" it seemed that he was about to plunge at Frieza and tear him apart with his bare hands, "You've almost killed both of us!!! More than that you almost destroyed the entire ship! You never think about anything but your own wishes and needs! You have no concern for others, yet you want everyone's undivided attention! Deirdre was right: you're nothing but a selfish egoist, heartless and ignorant. And if you want to know, there isn't a man in the army who doesn't share my opinion!!!"

 Then Zarbon stopped, suddenly, his rage vaporized when he realized WHAT he was doing! He was yelling at FRIEZA!!! The thought along was enough to have an instant heart attack. The next thing that Zarbon saw in his mind was his own death: terrible, agonizing, disgustingly messy, looong and painful! The terror made his hair (well, what was left of it) stand on its ends. Now Zarbon could pass for a pedigree Saiyan... or a porcupine.

 Frieza slowly turned his head.

 Well, it was a good life, while it lasted... I think... Zarbon has begun saying his final prayers. But the gaze he met wasn't filled with rage and thirst for blood, it was filled with utter most horror.

 Frieza spoke as if he was in trance,

 "Zarbon..." his words sounded more like moans, "I think I screwed up... big time..."

 Zarbon dropped his jaw at that. Not only has Frieza ignored his brave tirade, he actually was admitting that HE WAS WRONG!!! What could Zarbon say to that?

 THANK YOU DEIRDRE!!! Zarbon justly alluded to the reason of Frieza's drastic character change.

 Frieza continued, still in half-trance,

 "It's my fault, it's all my fault! I didn't check thoroughly enough... She was right, she was right about everything... I shouldn't do this, I should settle for what I have... I should think about the consequences... I shouldn't be such an egoist!!!"

 Oh, damn it, where's a voice recorder when you need one!!! Zarbon bashed himself for not being able to record this: it would have been worth a million Imperial Credits at the Galaxy Star Times or Universal Press!!!

 Then Frieza looked at Zarbon. The Icejin was starting to recover from the initial shock (partly at least),

 "Oh my gosh, Zarbon, look at you! You're a mess... God, I could have killed you!!! I could have destroyed the entire ship!!! I'm... I'm....  I'm   S... O... R... R... Y...."

 Zarbon's eyes became the size of the bicycle wheels.

 "It's... alright... sir..." he could only mumble in reply.

 This was the first time in... ever, probably... that Frieza was saying "sorry"...

 "I'll give you a bonus, so you can buy yourself a new outfit," Frieza added, "And I promise, no more experiments! I won't even come close to the lab door from now on!"

 "But... what actually happened, sir?" Zarbon recovered enough to wonder what caused the explosion.

 "I... accidentally tangled the wire of the force field conductor with the... ship's main electric wire!"

 Zarbon gulped. Now that could be serious!

 "I'm afraid there's been a chain reaction around this deck of the ship..."

 "This deck... or the whole ship?"

 "No, only this deck. Thank goodness, there's an insulation seal between the decks. It constricts any short circuits that happen in the electric system to the single level, where the circuit occurred.  But... I have no idea what impact the explosion made... Was there anyone on duty at this time?"

 Zarbon thought for a moment.

 "No," he then answered confidently, "All the soldiers have been given a night off, so they're all on deck 3 in their rooms... This deck only has the lab, your room, my room, Deirdre's room, the lounge, the lunch room and the...!!!"

 The thought hit both of them at the same time. Frieza and Zarbon gripped their heads,

 "THE GINYU FORCE ROOMS!!!!!" they yelled in unison.

 "Ok, Zarbon, just don't panic yet! We'll split: I'll check their rooms and you check the lounge and the lunch room. Let's go!"

 They sprinted out in the corridor and dashed in the opposite directions.

 With a pounding heart Frieza pressed the open switches on the doors of the Ginyu Force's rooms. It seemed that there weren't any other explosions around the corridor, but the air around was filled with some kind of static electricity. Probably the electric wires around this level burst under the high voltage of the circuit and the remains of the electricity burst created a force field of light condensation.

 Frieza thought on that hypothesis while he was checking the rooms of his elite fighters for any signs of life. All the rooms were empty, but with no signs of damage, except for the usual mess made by the occupant of the room. Having checked the last room, Frieza shut the door and headed back, puzzled at the whereabouts of the team.

 Soon he noticed Zarbon heading towards him. At first Freiza thought his eyes were playing tricks on him, but as he approached he realized that Zarbon was PALE! A rear occurrence for someone with blue (oh, sorry, aqua) skin color, but nevertheless it was so. White as chalk, Zarbon gave his master an insane gaze.

 "Sir..." his voice was trembling as if he'd seen a ghost, "I found them..."

 "Well, are they alright?" Frieza snapped intolerantly (he had enough time to become his evil old self again)

 "You... better... see... this... for... yourself..." Zarbon filtered the words and walked back up the corridor.

 Frieza followed, quite puzzled at Zarbon's answer. But he decided not to ask anymore questions.

 He must have hit his head or something! The Terror of the Galaxy thought of a reason for the strange behavior of his henchman.

 They proceeded to the lounge. In the doorway, Zarbon stopped, letting Frieza in first.

 "Well, where are the...." the question froze on Frieza's lips as he glanced inside the lounge. His face went white (quite visible, even though he was in this 4^th form).

 On the carpet right in the middle of the room, crawling around, were FOUR BABIES!!! A little purple kid with black horns, a chubby green squirt with four eyes, another one with blue skin and pink eyes, and a beefy one with a few orange hairs on his head and lots of freckles on his face.

 "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Frieza shouted.

 Never in his life he had been spooked to such extent. And the yell he emitted was reaching the highest note in his soprano range, and stepping to the level of the ultra sound. The sound wave made Zarbon jerk away and cover his ears. While the four infants in the room echoed with all the might of their young throats. It was truly an infernal concert!

 Soon Frieza ran out of air for the scream, made a gulping sound and... then burst out with curses. The babies continued to back him up by crying as loud as they could. Zarbon could only cover his ears: trying to outvoice that hellish cacophony was virtually impossible. So Zarbon patiently waited for Frieza to run out of curses. And he soon did.

 "I may have asked this question about a thousand times today," Zarbon said, catching a momentarily silence, "But I will ask it again: WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED???"

 Frieza gave a devastated groan.

 "Merciful Master of Hades!!! Zarbon, I SHRUNK THE GINYU FORCE!!!!!"

 Zarbon stared, astounded and speechless.

 "Well, not shrunk literally, but made them younger... turned them into... babies!!!" Frieza gripped his head, "I thought there was something strange about that static electricity in the air! It wasn't static, for crap's sake, it was that force field I created! But instead of being transmitted to the containment tank, the tangle in the wires ran it through the main electric system! The system wasn't meant to take that kind of voltage so it burst, spreading the force field around this deck, turning it into one giant containment tank and reacting with any living organism in it's way!!!"

 Zarbon shook his head to settle the information he's received. As he got the logical explanation, the situation didn't seem so horrible anymore. At least no supernatural powers were involved, and any "hand-made" mistakes could be fixed. Zarbon looked at the situation in sang-froid.

 "At least we're sure of the reason for their transformation," he said coolly, "Still one thing I don't understand... If the force field was all around this deck, why weren't we affected by it?"

 Frieza took a deep breath. Zarbon's composure called on his own equanimity.

 "Well, I was inside that containment tank so it sealed me during the explosion and you had that spray on..."

 A sudden burst of cry drew their attention to the Ginyu Force, if the name could still be applied to these helpless infants.

 "So... what do we do now?" Zarbon nodded towards the babies.

 Frieza shrugged.

 "Trying to change them back seems logical... But I have no idea how long it will take me to fix the blasted machine. Plus I'll have to prepare a new solution, which takes a week."

 "A week?!?!" Zarbon gripped his head, "But... Deirdre will be back by then!!!"

 "That's why I'm gonna work as fast as I could," a sly note sounded in Frieza's voice, "I will be cooped up in the lab for the whole week probably. I won't have time for ANYTHING else..."

 "OH, NO!!!" Zarbon's eyes widened, as he realized why Frieza was so eager to stay cooped in the lab, "NO FREAKING WAY!!! You're gonna relax in that lab of yours, and I'm gonna be running around the ship taking care of the side effects of your experiment?!"

 "You have any better ideas?!" Frieza snarled.

 Zarbon bit his tongue.

 Jeez, what the heck came over me today?! I'm actually arguing with him!!!

 "Sir... Can we at least work together in this?" he pouted, "I don't know how to take care of babies!"

 "Well, do you think I KNOW!!!" Frieza blew up, "This is the first time I'm actually seeing a live baby! How the heck should I know what you're supposed to do with them?! They seem completely stupid and incompetent!"

 "I don't think that's much different from what they were like when they were bigger is size," Zarbon smirked.

 A new burst of crying, even louder than the previous, shuddered the walls of the room.

 "AGH! Zarbon, how do you shut them up?!" Frieza covered his ears.

 "I think you're supposed to pick them up and... what's it called?... 'rock them to sleep'."

 Frieza made a puzzled grimace.

 "'Rock to sleep'???  You mean, throw rocks at them? How preposterously absurd..."

 "No, sir, that's not what I meant. Rocking is... swinging the baby in your arms," Zarbon thought for a moment and added, "gently swinging!"

 The puzzled grimace became a disgusted grimace.

 "Eww! I'm not picking any smelly lower life forms and I'm definitely NOT swinging them!"

 Frieza let out a huff of contempt. Suddenly he felt a tag on his tail. He turned to see baby Ginyu awkwardly trying to lift the tail of his master. When Ginyu felt Frieza's gaze, he flashed his eyelashes, gave Frieza a sugary innocent smile and mumbled an adorable "A-goo-goo-goo". He then stood on his tip toes and reached his chubby hands to Frieza.

 The Terror of the Galaxy melted with a smile.

 "Awww, how cute!" he lisped, and lifted Ginyu up, "Who's a good boy? Are you a good boy? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!"

 Ginyu gave Frieza a happy smile and started sucking on his thumb. That sugary innocence on Ginyu's face made Frieza feel... like he only felt twice in his life: when his mother cuddled him and when Deirdre kissed him goodnight. At first Frieza's nature rebelled against it, labeling this new feeling as a weakness. But then once again Deirdre's face appeared before his eyes (Mental note to self: pass medical examination on the account of hallucinations! Frieza distracted for a moment). What that woman was doing to him, he did not know, how she was doing it, he did not care. But the fragile Saiyan was actually making him feel GOOD about being WEAK... And she always won... Why? He did not care either... It made him feel good, and if it felt good, it was probably right. Frieza surrendered to the feeling.

 "Zarbon, they're actually quite... what's that word?..." Frieza lightly rocked baby Ginyu, "Who would have thought that living beings in their initial stage are so... so..."

 "Adorable?" Zarbon made an uncertain grimace.

 "Yes, that's the one," Frieza lifted Ginyu over his head, "Who's an adorable little baby? You are! I think I  just might even keep them like this! Oh, look, Zarbon, look at this serious little fa.........."

 The end of Frieza's phrase drowned, literally. With the most serious expression on his face, baby Ginyu was potty training. And the potty happened to be Frieza's mouth! With a violent push, the Terror of the Galaxy flung Ginyu away. The baby landed on the couch. He found his trip to be pleasant and announced that with a cheerful "Ha-ha-ha!". That pissed Frieza beyond the limits.

 "WHY YOU FUCKING LITTLE BASTARD!!!" he growled and was about to shoot a ki-blast at Ginyu, when Zarbon seized the hand of his master.

 "Master Frieza, NO!!! He's just a BABY! He doesn't realize what he's doing! This is like shooting a frog for hopping!"

 Frieza glared at Zarbon.

 "Well, I USED to shoot frogs for hopping when I was little!!! Now gimme one good reason why I shouldn't blast a baby for a change?!?!"

 Zarbon made a solemn grimace and said just one word,

 "Deirdre."

 That made Frieza's hand lower.

 "How will we explain Ginyu's demise to her, without telling about the experiment and the accident?" Zarbon reinforced his point.

 Frieza licked his lips.

 "Well..." he said, "I could always say that Ginyu was planing a riot..."

 Zarbon's lips curved into an sarcastic smirk.

 "GINYU RIOTING?!"

 Frieza had to admit that of all the impossible events this one was the most impossible. If someone was unconditionally loyal to him, it was Captain Ginyu.

 Frieza growled, as something in the back of his mind has yet again triumphed over his cruel intentions.

 "Oh, hell with it!" he sniffed, and then addressed Zarbon, "I'm going to the lab to try to fix that blasted machine, and you WILL look after these five."

 Frieza's voice did not allow any arguing. Zarbon gave up and turned to the babies, and then...

 "OH MY GOD, SIR!!! There're only FOUR of them!!!"

 Frieza sharply turned. He too only now has noticed the absence of one 'Ginyu'.

 "What?!?! Who... who's missing???"

 Zarbon looked over the babies.

 "Ooooh..." he groaned, "It's Jeice!"

 "Kami damn it!" Frieza swore, "Where can he be?"

 "He was going to his quarters to work on his computer, so I presume he might be still there. I'll go check..."

 "Oh, no!" Frieza abruptly interrupted Zarbon, "YOU are going to stay here with these four! I'll find him myself."

 Zarbon growled watching Frieza leave.

 "He always has me doing the dirty work!!!"

 Zarbon turned to the Ginyu Force "kindergarten".

 **********************************************************

 Frieza hurried down the corridor. Kami knows what can happen to an unattended infant. And if he's hurt... Frieza shuddered. Jeice was one of Deirdre's best friends. Not that Frieza was afraid of Deirdre, it was just the "explaining part" of it... and then the guilt...

 Jeice's room was empty. Frieza double-checked under the bed, in the closet and even in the drawers. Jeice wasn't in his room.

 Puzzled Frieza headed back to the lounge, hoping that, perhaps, they just missed him. He could have crawled under the table... or behind the bar stand... or in the lab... or behind the curtain...   WAIT A SECOND!!!

 Frieza jerked his gaze to the right. Now he realized how that "in the lab" got in his trail of thoughts. He was passing the lab right now and he DID see a crawling shadow near the bust wires...

 BUST WIRES?!?!

 Frieza zoomed into the lab.

 Baby Jeice (however he got into the lab will remain a mystery forever) was carelessly crawling towards the swinging high voltage wire, giggling at the pretty sparks. A moment later he would be electrified to extra-crispy.

 Frieza emitted a yelp and darted towards Jeice. At the last moment he caught the wire, which was the only thing to do to save Jeice.

 "Y-Y-Y-A-YA-YA-YA-YA-YA-YA!!!" Frieza shouted with a repetition of a Morse-code machine, as 500 volts surged through his body.

 Jeice sat down and watched the fireworks with the most serious expression on his face.

 Finally, Frieza collapsed, charred to crisp. He lay on the floor cursing everything in the Universe, and especially the idiot who created high voltage wires. Suddenly a serious little face appeared before his eyes. Frieza instantly silenced and peered at the red-skinned baby. Jeice looked at Frieza with a surprising understanding and even compassion.

 Frieza coughed a puff of smoke and groaned,

 "See what your Master has to go through for you?!"

 Jeice made a concentrated grimace, obviously trying to understand what Frieza said.

 "Mmmm-ma..." he attempted with an angelic voice, "Mmmma-a..."

 Frieza couldn't help smiling. Oh, Jeice's first word was going to be "Master"! Frieza felt flattered.

 "Master," he encouraged, "Mas-ter."

 "Ma..." a few drops of sweat appeared on Jeice's forehead, "Ma... ma... MAMA!!!!!!!"

 With a self-proud smile baby Jeice clung to his "newly-found mommy".

 "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Frieza shouted in absolute shock.

 He pushed Jeice off himself and leaped to the opposite corner of the room.

 "STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU LITTLE MONSTER!!!" Frieza howled.

 Jeice started crawling towards him.

 "Mama!" he announced with absolute adoration in his eyes. (Especially funny was the fact that even as an infant Jeice had his heavy accent)

 "AIIIEEE!!!!" Frieza made a grimace of total desperation as he felt a wall behind his back, the baby has cornered him. Jeice stopped a foot away from Frieza and reached his small hands towards him.

 "Mama?" his voice was a bit sad now.

 "NO!!!" Frieza snarled, "I'm NOT your 'MAMA'!!! Now get your stinking diapered butt away from my feet! BAD BABY!!!"

 Jeice's face became sulky. His lips trembled and a moment later he bust out crying.

 "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-maaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!"

 Frieza covered his ears. Little Jeice obviously had great opera singing potential.

 "WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP?!?!?!" the Terror of the Galaxy barked as loud as he could.

 Surprisingly that had a miraculous effect. Jeice instantly became silent, but it didn't stop those streaming tears. Jeice's face expressed utter most shock. Frieza could swear that if he could re-play the moment in slow motion he could actually pinpoint the precise moment when Jeice's heart ripped in half (figuratively speaking, of course). The baby didn't make any other sound than the most miserable sounding sobbing.

 That face... that expression... Memories clouded Frieza's mind.

 Now he saw a different baby making his way over the crimson carpet of the throne room of the Icejin palace. The baby's destination was the throne... or rather, the person sitting on the throne. King Cold's nose was stuck into a long list of conquered planets. The baby reached the steps and managed to climb on the first one.

 "Wa... Gu... Aa..." the baby goo-gooed, "Pa... PAPA!!!"

 King Cold didn't respond in any way.

 "PAPA!!!" the baby repeated even more cheerfully.

 Next moment an Icejin woman entered the throne room.

 "Cold! Did you hear that? You were little Frieza's first word!"

 King Cold lifted his gaze off the papers.

 "Huh? What?" the emperor gave his wife a puzzled look and then glanced at the baby at his feet, "Oh... that... Yeah, lovely, adorable..."

 His gaze fell back onto the scroll.

 But the baby didn't abandon the attempts to get his father's attention. He made a tremendous effort and climbed up the stairs.

 "Papa?" baby Frieza pouted, affectionately entangling his tail over his father's foot.

 Cold's reaction was unexpected.

 "UGH!!" the emperor exclaimed with deep disgust, "Icia! Get him off my foot before he wets me!!!"

 The baby understood that. Actually, it's surprising how much an infant can understand: he can't talk, but he knows what the others are talking about. And it's mostly the tone of the voice that gives the emotions away.

 Baby Frieza bust in tears. Such coldness from his own father!

 "ICIA!!!" Cold snarled again, lashing his tail.

 The Icejin woman picked the crying baby up.

 "You're worse than an animal, Cold! Even the most vicious beast loves its child!"

 "Can't you see I'm busy, woman?! I have urgent matters of state to attend to! And I definitely can't afford wasting my time on lisping with a rug-rat! ...."

 The Queen did not listen on, she exited, carrying HER son away. And little Frieza stared at his Father, who has rejected him... It felt so crushing, so devastating... He was dying emotionally...

 And now he was repeating that same thing his father has done those many years ago... Well, it wasn't HIS child crying at his feet, but that child was there BECAUSE of him... Frieza had a stroke of guilt in the back of his head.

 "Oh, alright, alright... Just stop your crying!" the tyrant took Jeice in his hands, "You can think of me any way you want, but only until I get you back to normal!"

 "Mama!" baby Jeice broke into a victorious smile and clung to Frieza's chest.

 "Oh, Kami!" Frieza rolled his eyes and started towards the door.

 "Let's get you to the others. I can't work with you crawling around the lab, now can I?"

 Jeice gave Frieza another serious look and decided that it was time to take a nap. Frieza glanced at the baby again. Even in this state Jeice still looked very much like his older self. Perhaps his face was a bit more innocent and his nose was less pointy. But his hair remained absolutely the same (proportional to the size of the body, of course).

 Was he born with it or something? Frieza wondered as he slowly entered the lounge.

 He was greeted by Zarbon's explicit cussing.

 "Sir, I have a problem!" the right-hand henchmen announced, dodging the attempts of the four babies to seize him by the foot.

 "Oh?" Frieza smirked, wondering if his guess was right. A moment later he got the affirmation.

 "MAMA!!!" the four Ginyu Forces announced simultaneously, looking at Zarbon with their eyes full of adoration.

 "SEE???" Zarbon made a petrified grimace, "NOW WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSE TO DO NOW?!?!"

 Frieza barely managed to hold back a burst of laughter.

 "And I thought I had problems!" he chuckled to himself.

 "Well, anyway," Frieza then continued, "There's no harm in pretending that you are... what they think you are... just to keep them happy, or else they'll scream their heads off... and we don't want the whole ship to know about this little accident, now do we, Zarbon?"

 Frieza's tone did not allow any arguments.

 "No, sir..." Zarbon groaned. The babies immediately took advantage of Zarbon's uncertainty and besieged his feet. Zarbon desperately attempted to keep his balance but with another pull he was cast down.

 As soon as their victim was in the horizontal position the babies crawled onto his chest. Now Zarbon looked like a mother duck-bill, especially with that spooked expression on his face.

 Frieza chuckled again. This accident was turning out to be fun.

 "I see you're getting along quite nicely, so why don't you take this little rascal too, while I go start fixing that machine."

 As Zarbon's gaze stopped on sleeping Jeice his expression changed. Unceremoniously he brushed off the four Ginyu Forces off himself and got up, extending his hands to take the "little rascal" from Frieza.

 "Now HE is definitely what I call a cute baby!" Zarbon's lips curved in a grin, as lightly touched baby Jeice on the face. The little one opened his eyes and stared.

 "Come to Zarbon, my little cutie-pie!" the aqua-skinned man reached for him.

 Jeice's eyes widened in horror.

 "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!" he cried as if he saw a boogie-man. Convulsively he clung to Frieza's chest considering him his only refuge.

 That desperate cry stirred something inside Frieza, who jerked away from Zarbon, shielding Jeice with himself. It was a completely instinctive reaction, one that lies deep inside every creature's subconsciousness: the instinct to protect its cub. Frieza realized that only when he met Zarbon's puzzled gaze.

 "That kind of talking can scare the hell out of any normal adult, let alone a child!" Frieza growled, lightly petting Jeice to soothe him, "I'm telling this to you for the last time, Zarbon: either learn to control your raging hormones or I'll put you on a pill that will control them for you! In any case I think I won't be leaving the kid with you, or his crying will alert the whole ship. You look after these four, and I'll take Jeice with me."

 Zarbon puckered his lips, but didn't dare to argue.

 Why is it that OTHERS always get the best things in life?!?! the right-hand henchman thought irritably, Frieza has all power, Captain Ginyu gets all the military titles, Jeice always gets the best girls... Zarbon paused for a moment, horrified at the thought that appeared in the back of his head,  And what do I get? Nothing... and it stay that way if I don't start working for it, and the sooner the better!

 Zarbon sighed, watching his master leave with baby Jeice in his arms. He then directed his attention to the remaining Ginyu Force, who were tagging him on the cape (Zarbon did have time to quickly change his clothes right after he and Frieza separated for the search). The babies were demanding something.

 ******************************************************************

 "And now what am I supposed to do with you?" Frieza looked at Jeice, who was listening to his "mommy" with that childishly-serious expression on his face.

 Frieza was heading back to the lab. Right when he was passing the control room a beeping noise sounded. Frieza attempted to establish the source of the sound.

 Baby Jeice giggled and reached his hand towards the door of the control room.

 "Ah, of course. Good boy, Jeice," Frieza nodded and proceeded inside the control room.

 The beeping came from the transmitter.

 "What the devil?" Frieza muttered as he pressed the 'receive' button, "Who can be trying to get through at this time? What kind of idiot..."

 "Hi, Frieza!" Deirdre's smiling face appeared on the screen of the transmitter.

 "DEIRDRE!!!" Frieza gulped, swinging Jeice behind his back.

 "What was that?" she asked, slight surprise on her face.

 "What?" Frieza made an innocent grimace.

 "That red flash before the screen..."

 "What red flash? I didn't see anything."

 "Hmm... must have been a transmission disturbance," she muttered, "So how are things going?"

 "Great, great... couldn't be better..."

 Frieza's voice sounded a bit unsure, especially because Jeice, who decided that "mommy" was playing a new exciting game with him, clapped his hands and giggled. Deirdre obviously heard the sound too.

 "Did I just hear a CHILD laughing???" Deirdre's eyes widened in surprise.

 "A child? He-he-he... No... He-he-he..." Frieza did his best to imitate Jeice's giggle.

 "Alright, Frieza, what did you do this time?"

 "I... I..." Frieza desperately searched for an excuse, "I hid Zarbon's shampoos! He-he-he..."

 She bought it, which made Frieza breathe in relief..

 "You just CAN'T be nice, can you, Frieza?" Deirdre smirked.

 "You know that better than anyone-e-e-e-e...." the end of Frieza's phrase was kinda swallowed. The reason was Jeice catching Frieza's tail and, as any baby at his age would do, sticking it in his mouth. It would be alright if Jeice just sucked on it like on a pacifier, but baby mercenary obviously had his "first tooth" aches, so he chewed the end of Frieza's tail.

 Frieza's eyes crossed. A few drops of sweat sparkled on his shiny carapace.

 "Are you ok, Frieza?" Deirdre's voice was concerned, "You look a bit odd... You didn't catch another cold, did you?"

 "No, no, I'm perfectly fine..." Frieza squeezed out of himself, clenching his teeth each time Jeice made an especially violent chew, "I just... had some... spicy food for dinner..."

 "How spicy?!"

 "Just a tiny bit..."  Another violent assault on the tail.

 Deirdre frowned.

 "You know you're not allowed to have too much spices in your food. You get such awful heartburns, they can dissolve your stomach from inside! Oh, Frieza, it seems that you're purposely trying to kill yourself!"

 Frieza shrugged irritably. He knew that if he was to start arguing or ordering her to "mind her own business", she will employ her "Icia persuasion skills". He knew that she'd win anyway. The only thing Frieza wished for at the moment is either for Deirdre to finally shut up, or Jeice to finish chewing on his tail. One torture he could handle, but two at once was more than his poor nerves could bear.

 "I think I better be off to bed then..." Frieza mumbled.

 Deirdre nodded mercifully.

 "Yes, get a good night sleep. I should be arriving at about 11 am your time."

 Frieza dropped his jaw at this.

 "WHAT?!" he gaped, "But... your mission... Planet Riz... You can't be telling me that you wiped out a whole civilization in FIVE HOURS?!?!"

 Deirdre threw her head back and laughed.

 "I didn't. Whoever gave you the information about Riz was either an idiot or a joker. It's a real dump. I haven't seen any life forms above the bacteria stage, let alone any signs of intelligent life. The planet is a swamp, low levels of atmosphere, low gravity, high levels of poisonous reeks... You'll be lucky if you even find an idiot who'd agree to buy this Kami forsaken place. Anyway, there's nothing else for me to do there, so I'm on my way back."

 Deirdre paused, looking at Frieza's lost expression, and then added,

 "I think I better let you go. You look tired. I'll see you tomorrow, Frieza, goodnight."

 The screen blinked and wet dark. The same moment the Terror of the Galaxy emitted a blood-freezing scream. Firstly, on the account of Deirdre's unexpected return and secondly, for the reason of Jeice discovering where he had his first tooth.

Still yelling, and cussing like it was the end of the world, Frieza began to tear Jeice off his tail. As he did, Frieza surveyed the damage: the tip of his tail looked like a badly sharpened pencil. Baby Jeice giggled and demonstrated Frieza his "pencil sharpener": a small sharp tooth on the upper jaw. Frieza didn't find that to be a joyful occasion, he just shoved Jeice under his arm and headed out.

 "Ah-goo-goo?" Jeice demanded to know why was he so roughly handled.

 "Not now, Jeice!" Frieza snarled at him, increasing his pace, "Can't you see mommy's in deep shit..."

 Frieza suddenly stopped realizing WHAT he has just said.

 "OOOOHHH!!!" the tyrant slapped himself on the forehead, "See what I mean! With all your 'goo-goo' I'm going coo-coo!!! That's it, I'm leaving you with Zarbon, and I don't care WHAT objections you have..."

 Suddenly a loud bust of cry sounded ahead. Frieza established the location, it was the lounge.

 "Now what???" he rolled his eyes.

 Zarbon was standing in the middle of the room. The four babies were sitting on the floor around him and crying as if they were having the worst diaper-rash ever.

 "What's going on, Zarbon? Why are they crying now?!" Frieza demanded.

 Zarbon gave him an idiotic look.

 "I think they're hungry, sir..."

 "Well, feed them!"

 "But... but..." Zarbon turned red, "These are infants... They can't eat normally yet... They... ummm... eat from... errr... a boobie..."

 "WELL GIVE 'EM A BOOBIE!!!" Frieza snarled, loosing patience.

 Now Zarbon turned as about red as Jeice.

 "But... I don't have... a boobie..." he mumbled.

 "Improvise!!!"

 Frieza shoved Jeice in Zarbon's hands and sharply walked back to the door. However, he stopped in the doorway, breathed and turned his head.

 "We're up to our necks in hot water, Zarbon," Frieza's voice has lost the anger, and gave way to desperation, "Deirdre is coming back tomorrow... And I can't have all the necessary equipment fixed till the end of the week..."

 Zarbon gaped at first, but then pulled himself together.

 "Well, since nothing can be done, I guess our only option is to wait for Deirdre. She may be able to come up with a faster way of fixing things. Even if she can't, at least I'm sure SHE knows how to handle babies!"

 That didn't cheer Frieza one bit. Zarbon made another attempt.

 "I know she'll give us a minimum of a two-hour lecture on 'do's and don't's when using electricity', but we've been through that stuff before. How bad can it be?"

 Frieza shuddered.

 "Worse than you think, Zarbon," he sighed, "She doesn't give lectures anymore... She doesn't say anything at all. And if she did, I wouldn't care. It's something else that I've seen her do, when no one is around, when she thinks she's alone... She cries, Zarbon..."

 The right-hand henchman gasped, unable to believe that. Frieza nodded and turned away, heading out.

 "It's her tears that I'm afraid of..." the Icejin confessed in a soundless whisper.

 *****************************************************************

Six hours passed in fruitless attempts to find a way to reverse the side effects of the experiment faster. Frieza felt so frustrated, he was about to bust in tears himself. The machine was miraculously assembled in the record short time. Frieza has even found a left-over tube of the pink solution. But whatever he did the blasted contraption refused to work. Frieza followed the steps he'd taken before with detailed accuracy, yet nothing helped.

Anger gave way to desperation, desperation turned into fear, fear turned into apathy. Frieza sank on the floor, and leaned against the wall. His arms wrapped around his knees, and his tail - around his ankles. His eyes expressed thoughtless stupor.

It was stuck in his mind now, that image of Deirdre he'd seen once. He yelled at her that night, he called her "nothing but a monkey". She did not say anything, just bowed and left, as any of his soldiers would do. Later he felt something, which (now he realized) was a feeling of guilt. He wandered to her quarters, not sure why he was going there, he felt like he needed to say something to silence the guilt (now he knew that it was called "apologizing"). The door to her room was open, so Frieza didn't bother to knock or anyhow inform her of his presence. He silently entered... and froze, shocked. Deirdre was laying on her bed, face buried in the pillows. Her body winced as if in convulses. Sobbing noises filled the room. Deirdre was crying. The fact hit Frieza's like a ten tons of bricks, as he backed up to the door. It shocked him, scared him, drove him off his mind. His first impulse was to rush to her and do anything, give anything just to make her stop crying.

But he didn't. He didn't remember how he got to his room either. But the image of the woman, who he considered to be as cold as himself, the image of that woman in tears, so fragile and weak, in so much emotional pain, made him swear that he would rather die than cause her to cry again...

The Terror of the Galaxy has discovered another fear within his soul: the fear of his sister's tears... The fear that HE was causing those tears...

Frieza sobbed and curled up even more.

******************************************************************** 

"... and then the big bad wolf got very angry. He transformed to his ultimate form and directed another blast at the third little pig's house... But now that the three little pigs were together(yawn), they fused into one BIG pig... went outside and (yawn!) kicked the... big... bad... wolf's... ...butt... (snore!!!)"

 Zarbon's head fell on his chest as his voice drowned in snoring. Indeed being a babysitter wears one out. Zarbon has never been so tired in his life: he'd rather do three planet raids in a row than EVER have to deal with any more babies.

 The two babies sitting on Zarbon's chest looked at each other.

 "Goo-goo ah-ga!"("That was the dumbest story I ever heard!") Jeice made a contemptful grimace and pushed Zarbon's hand away from himself. The hand lifelessly swung in the air.

 "Ga-ga, goo-e! A-goo da-da gee. Mama hee!"("Shut up, you nincompoop! That was a great story! Mommy rocks!") Ginyu snarled.

 Although they had no memory of their ranks hierarchy, it was instantly established that Ginyu was the leader of the group. His militant character was probably the only pure gene he had in his pull, all the rest were crooked and undeveloped, especially the one responsible for the brain section.

 "Ooh ga-ga mama!"("That's not MY mommy!") Jeice sniffed and climbed down, using Zarbon's overleg as a lift. Immediately Recoome occupied the newly freed spot on Zarbon's chest and commenced into practicing his art skills by smearing the leftovers of the milk from his bottle all over Zarbon's armor and face. Meanwhile Burter and Guldo un-jeweled their "mommy" and had now discovered that earrings make wonderful pacifiers.

 Baby Jeice gave them all a criticizing look and crawled towards the door.

 "Goo-gee ga?!?!"("Where the heck do you think you're going?!?!") Ginyu barked after him.

 "Goo ehh mama!"("To find MY mommy!") Jeice replied without stopping.

 "Ah-goa-ah?!?!"("Oh, yeah?!?! And did *I* give you my permission to leave???")

Jeice stopped for a second, thinking something over and then addressed Ginyu with a spiteful expression on his angelic face,

"Eeh-ah goo-goo uh-aha mee!"("Instead of giving dumb orders why don't you do some potty training: your diaper stinks like dinosaur poo!!!")

Having satisfied with the sharpness of his remark, Jeice crawled out of the room.

For a moment Ginyu just sat there, jaw dropped, eyes popped out of the orbits. Then he reacted like any baby his age: bust out in hysteric crying!

"Huh??? Wha'...?" Zarbon stirred and opened his right eye.

Calling for vengeance, Ginyu wailed louder.

Zarbon groaned.

"Oh, shit, not again!!! Why do you have to GO every fifteen minutes?!?!"

With disgust on his face, Zarbon carried Ginyu to the bar stand, which was now used as a changing table.

***********************************************************************************

 Frieza felt as if he was floating in nowhere. His thoughts flashed, unclear, untied, thoughts that did not make sense. His mind was transfixed in nothingness, oblivious trance.

 What if the process can't be reversed at all? What if they have to stay this way? What if..."

 Then thoughts became real...

 He was standing in  the middle of his quarters, his gaze peered into a long list of conquered planets. Suddenly the door sled open.

 "Why is it every time I come I find you at paper work?" a cheerful voice sounded.

 Frieza shoved the scroll aside.

 "Deirdre! Chi'fae sa, little sister!!!" he embraced the Saiyan woman.

 She seemed older, still beautiful, but older, even more so emotionally, than physically. She was now wearing a long dress over her body suit. For some reason Frieza felt that he was older too.

 "I haven't seen you for years... How are you? How's your husband?" Frieza finally said, still nursing her in his arms.

 She forced a laugh.

"Him... Oh, perfect! He still can't get enough of me."

 "So I see..." Frieza smirked, gently touching Deirdre's small protruding stomach. She blushed somewhat.

 "Well, at least, now we'll have one of our own..."

 "And how are the other kids?" Frieza asked.

 "Good. Recoome is a troublemaker as usual. Burter had to get braces. And Guldo is the best in Math in his class... How are yours?"

 Frieza sighed.

 "Fine, I suppose... I've finally made a decision: I will appoint Jeice as my heir. Although Ginyu possesses much better leadership qualities, he is lacking... smarts. Jeice is much more practical and rational..."

 Frieza didn't finish his sentence.

 With a joyful cry, a five-year old kid dressed in Icejin royal armor, came running in. His red face shone with an angelic smile, short-cut white hair reminded of a virgin snow.

 "Auntie Deirdre!!!" Jeice ran to the Saiyan woman, "Ye finally came to visit!!!"

 Deirdre picked the boy up and settled him in her arms.

 "I'm glad to see you too, Jeice."

 He affectionately clung to her.

 "I missed ye, auntie 'Dee'! Why don't ye visit us more often?"

 "I'm sorry, dear... I was so... busy..."

 Jeice gave her a sad look.

 "I thought ye didn't love me anymore..."

 Deep pain flashed in Deirdre's eyes, she closed them to hide her emotions.

 "Of course, I love you, Jeice. You're my favorite little nephew..." her voice trembled.

 Frieza looked at her.

 "You still can't forgive me for what happened!!!" his voice was unstable as well, "It was an accident... I told you a million times! How much more am I supposed to say that I'm sorry?!"

 "Frieza, STOP!!! I don't want to hear another word about it!!!" it seemed as Deirdre was going to bust in tears any second.

 "WHY?! Why do you avoid that topic? Why do you avoid ME???"

 A cold gaze of an emotionally dead person was her reply.

 "Frieza... Everything in my life reminds me of how you've ruined it!"

 Dead silence followed. They just stared at each other: one gaze sad, the other shocked.

 Then the door opened again and Zarbon entered. He looked older too. His hair was now only up to his shoulders. The circlet was gone, and he was wearing only one earring. Overall, he seemed much more mature and serious.

 "Greetings, Lord Frieza," the aqua-skinned man slightly bowed his head, "It is nice to see you in good health, sir... Ah, Deirdre, my darling, I knew you were here..."

 Zarbon approached her and greeted his wife with a passionate kiss. Frieza noticed that Deirdre did not kiss back. The next moment a small hand sharply pushed Zarbon away from his wife.

 "Oh, Jeice..." Zarbon spoke and then gave a scornful smirk, "Nice to see you, *little* boy."

 Jeice frowned.

 "*Nice* to see ya too, Zarbon. I see ye're still blue!"

 Zarbon ignored the biting remark. Instead he addressed his wife,

 "Deirdre, honey, you shouldn't be lifting *anything* heavy. It may harm OUR baby."

 Deirdre sighed and put Jeice down, affectionately stroking his pale locks. She then turned to Frieza,

 "Forgive me, m'lord, but I would like to rest from the journey. We shall discuss anything you please later. Permission to leave?"

 Frieza could only nod to this cool address. Deirdre sharply turned and headed to the door, closely followed by her husband. Frieza just stared. He was still shocked by what she had said.

 Jeice persistently pulled him on the hand.

 "Papa, why was auntie Deirdre mad at you? Why does she always cry after she sees you? Why do you hurt her? Why?..."

 Why? Why? Why?...

 Frieza started and jerked his gaze across the room. The lab was a chaos... THE LAB?!?! Frieza blinked to make sure it wasn't an allusion. The mess remained after he opened his eyes again. Then... what he saw was just a dream? But why did it feel so real?

 Frieza started. Like his late mother he sometimes had the ability to glance into the future: in dreams mostly. His telepathic power has never developed fully, probably because his father discouraged it. But Frieza did inherit the ability from Icia, who was a powerful telepath. Undeveloped, cooped inside, Frieza's psychic power lessened, he could not control it and only some times it stirred within him and granted accurate premonitions or prophetic dreams. Frieza realized that the dream he's just seen is the possible future... That is, if he doesn't do something about it.

 The pull on his hand became more persistent. Wondering if he was still dreaming, Frieza looked down. Sparkling angelic baby-smile greeted him. With a happy 'goo-goo' Jeice extended a piece of wire to his 'mommy'. Frieza took it, gaping as he brought the wire closer to his eyes.

 It was the same wire, that Frieza used for the force field conduction. It consisted out of four separate pieces of wire connected in precise order: negative to positive, blue to yellow, red to green. Jeice's little fingers has connected the cords in a different order: the red wire was taken out, while blue, yellow and green were connected together negative ends to negative, and positive to positive. Frieza looked at the work of the child's hands... and realized that...

 "Of course!!!" Frieza slapped himself on the forehead, "This is IT!!! If only I had connected the wires this way, I wouldn't need the accursed solution at all!!! Yes... negatrons to negatrons and positrons to positrons... sixteen amperes multiplied by the intensity of the force field, plus the voltage, plus the concentration of the radiation waves... JEICE, YOU'RE A GENIOUS!!!"

 Frieza took the baby in his hands and twirled him around. Baby Jeice giggled, happy with both the commendation and the unexpected fun. Suddenly Frieza's eye caught the face of the clock. He stopped twirling immediately.

 "Two hours before Deirdre arrives!" the Icejin frowned, "If I get working now, I can get you back to normal in an hour, plus the recovery time... We can just make it..."

 The lab filled with noises that are usually heard in a metal workshop.

 *****************************************************************************

 "Ok, they're all set," Zarbon announced putting the last baby, who happened to be Ginyu, on to the platform, "Where's Jeice, sir?"

 Frieza looked down by his feet. Yep, he was there, sitting quietly by his 'mother's side'. Frieza sighed and picked him up.

 "You know, you are kinda cute as a baby," Frieza quietly whispered to Jeice, "I wish I could keep you this way... you're a great kid..."

Jeice wasn't too happy of the perspective of being squeezed between the other babies on a small platform, but since his beloved 'mommy' insisted...

 The glass dome slowly closed, concealing the five members of the Elite Fighting Force. Frieza proceeded to the control panel. Soon he inserted the code.

 "Fingers crossed, Zarbon!" he nodded to his henchman, who was secretly praying to all known Kamis to save him from being blown up again.

 Frieza pushed the 'execute' button.

 "I'm gonna miss you, little guy..." he said in his mind, watching the purplish glow of the force field filling the glass dome and hiding baby Jeice's angelic face.

 The next moment the glow became so bright, Frieza and Zarbon had to shield their eyes. A humming noise that followed almost assured them that another explosion was going to follow. But in a minute it was all over. The glow disappeared and the machine slowly shut itself down.

 Frieza and Zarbon fearfully approached the platform, as if expecting another unpleasant surprise. But it worked. The processes was completely reversed and the Ginyu Force was now back to normal. Except for the fact that they all were unconscious.

 "It'll wear off in about half an hour," Frieza replied Zarbon's silent question, "We better get them to their quarters before Deirdre arrives."

 Zarbon nodded and was about to pick up the first person, who (surprise, surprise!) happened to be Jeice, when Frieza yanked his hand away.

 "I'll take care of this one," Frieza said picking Jeice up and heading to the door.

 There he turned and added,

 "And Zarbon... Make sure you... err... put some clothes on them..."

 "Will they remember what happened to them?" Zarbon asked.

 Frieza shook his head.

 "Do you remember much of yourself as a baby?... No, they won't. All they might have left in their heads is a blurred memory as one of a dream. Hurry up now, Deirdre should be arriving any minute!"

 Frieza disappeared behind the door. Zarbon only growled as he glanced at the four bodies of the Ginyu Force.

 "Merciful Kamis! And I thought changing babies was gross!!!"

 *******************************************************************

The space pod hummed as the engines shut off. Then the hatch opened and Deirdre's cheerful smile lightened Frieza's ship once again.

 "Missed me?" the Saiyan waved to her adopted brother. After a moment of hesitation from both sides they embraced each other. By this time Frieza decided that hugging his adopted sister was not debasing his status... well, at least when only the 'familiars' were around (which included Zarbon and the Ginyu Force).

But still Frieza couldn't help his haughty nature.

"Alright, alright, enough with these sloppy endearments!" he frowned.

Deirdre smirked, and ran her gaze over Frieza's fourth form.

"Hm... You'd do ANYTHING just to avoid following my advice about changing your you-know-what!"

Frieza only smirked in reply.

"Hey, don't I get a hug too???" Zarbon made a whining face.

Deirdre playfully rolled her eyes.

"And you, Zarbon, you will NEVER give up!" she said, stepping into his open arms.

"You know it too well!" he grinned, enjoying the brief moment of her favor.

The moment was indeed brief. Deirdre soon stepped away from Zarbon, looking around for someone.

"Oh, where's J..., I mean, where are the Ginyu Force?" she asked.

"Sleeping!" Frieza bolted before Zarbon could say anything.

Deirdre smirked.

"How typical, they could sleep through the end of the Universe... So, have you two eaten yet? I can fix us a breakfast..."

"Sounds splendid," Frieza nodded, changing to his usual 'commanding' tone, "Have it served to my quarters, and I expect a full report of your mission to Riz once you're finished. Is that clear, Commander?"

"Yes, Lord Frieza!" Deirdre saluted, joining his 'formal' game.

As soon as Frieza left, Deirdre turned to Zarbon.

"Come on, give me a hand in the kitchen if you don't mind... GOOD GOSH!!!" Deirdre's eyes widened suddenly, "ZARBON! What happened to your hair?!?!"

Zarbon sheepishly attempted to hide the half-length braid, but since Deirdre already noticed, his only option was to come up with a GOOD excuse. One came to his mind almost immediately.

"Well..." he gave Deirdre an intimidating smile, "I thought you said you like guys with short hair..."

That made Deirdre burst out with almost hysterical laughter.

"Oh... oh... this is great!" she breathed between the laughs, "You'd really go TO ANY LENGTH, would you Zarbon? What if I say I like guys with grey skin, what will you do: have a plastic surgery???"

Zarbon started laughing too. What a great way to start a day!

***************************************************************************

 Frieza blankly stared out the window. For some reason he was doing that a bit too often lately. Whether staring into the blackness of the cosmos or just moving his finger across the steamed glass, drawing a heart shape or a letter 'R'. So many things on his mind, so many burdens on his heart...

 The squeaking sound announced of the door opening.

 Hmm... gotta have the pullers oiled... Frieza thought and turned to find out who the visitor was.

 He immediately found himself face to face with the angry Saiyan woman.

 "What the heck is going on on this ship of yours?!" Deirdre growled like a mother scolding her naughty son, "Why are all the electrical appliances out of order? Why is there baby powder all over the floor? And what is that atrocious smell coming from the waste disposal?!"

 Frieza barely retained from chuckling. He did order Zarbon to get rid of all the evidence, but it appears that his henchman has missed a few things...

 "Anything else?" was the only thing that the Terror of the Galaxy could say.

 Deirdre became silent for a moment, surprised by his question-answer.

 "Yes!" she then bolted, glaring him in the eyes, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE GINYU FORCE?!?!"

 Frieza felt cold sweat running down his back.

 "Err... why? Is there... something wrong with them?"

 "YES! THEY DON'T WANT ANY CHOCOLATE!!!"

 Frieza swallowed a burst of laughter, although it made his face turn purple from strain.

 "Really?" he managed to make a surprised expression, "What do they want then?"

 Deirdre opened her mouth, swallowing nervously before she said,

 "WARM MILK..."

 Whatever else she had to say drowned in a tsunami of uncontrollable laughter. Frieza rolled on the floor, wincing as in agony. Talking to him now was in vain.

 "I'm living in an absolute nut-house!" Deirdre held her head as she headed to the kitchen to warm the milk.

A-GOO-GOO!

(THE END)

Disclaimer:   All the characters are copyright of Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, and Funimation. Deirdre and Icia are copyright of Jeisre Ice.  This story is copyright of Jeisre Ice.  Permission is given by the author to copy this story for personal use only, providing no changes is done to the story or this notice.

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