FACTS
Researched by Dr Chris Mason PhD
*
It was first discovered in 567AD by Viking traveller Raymond Van de
Van Tittymansson. He died 23 years later of a cheese overdose that is not
thought to be Squirrel related.
*
They are not native to Britain, but native to Iceland. They came
over here in 1957AD when the barbarian hoards made a foolhardy attempt at
raiding the Welsh coast.
* Its Latin name is 'tuus consobrinus esta sciures caesius seta quoniam tuus olfacere similis palumbes puppis', which roughly translates as 'Tree Rat'
*
Some have been known to grow up to the size of a small house,
perhaps a childrens playhouse, but bigger, only slightly smaller.
*
They can contain up to 34.555678324% pure evil, but this is rare,
the figures usually hovers around 24.534975678%.
*
They can eat 6 times their own body weight, devouring anything from
game to small unsuspecting uncles and greater aunts.
*
The French call them 'La petite fromage'. This has remained a
mystery however.
*
They are very strong anti-semites, believing in policies of ethnic
cleansing and 'Lebensraum'.
* They will one day rise to become our unquestioned lords and masters.
*
Our only hope is the Prawn alliance, who are democratic socialists
and are planning a land invasion with other shellfish any day now.
* They will enslave the human race by the year 2008AD. You can be sure of it!