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Bitter Pill -- Act 1, Scene 1 by Vanessa Here it is (drumroll)... the sequel to Bleeding Hearts! Falcon and I have the first four bits written and are busy continuing it, so just to tease I'll post the first two parts -- one by each of us. Just as an aside, if anybody is wondering how I named the fics, "Bleeding Hearts" came from the lyric "Can you find me space inside your bleeding heart?" and Bitter Pill comes from "the afterlife to keep our eyes on / bitter pill to take today" which is possibly one of my favourite lyrics ever. that is all. rated r for lots of gratuitous swearing. Act 1, Scene 1 (by me, vanessa/blam) "Last call for flight 483 to Hawaii, last call..." "Dammit Brian, we're gonna miss our flight!" "But I haaaaaaaate flying!" Stef was about to patiently explain to Brian why he had to get on the plane /right now/, but Steve took matters into his own hands. Sighing in exasperation, he stomped over to where Brian was clinging to his seat in the departure lounge. He grabbed Brian's hands and hauled him to his feet, dragging him to the entrance to the boarding ramp. Stef smiled at the flight attendant as he handed over their tickets. The trio boarded the plane and settled into their seats. The plane soon took to the air. "Well, at least we're flying first class," Brian huffed. "Excuse me," he said, turning to the nearest flight attendant, "could I get a Bloody Mary?" "Sure," she smiled at him. Meanwhile, Stefan was busy playing with his seat's reclining capabilities. Up-down-up-down... "Damn guys, it feels nice to have real leg room for once!" They all laughed and Steve caught himself staring at Stef's legs. His tight jeans clung just so... 'No!' he scolded himself, 'stop that right now or this is gonna be a reeeeally long flight.' Brian's drink arrived and he immediately downed half of it. 'Okay scratch that, this IS going to be a really long flight.' "Steeeeeeeeeeve..." "Yes, Brian?" "I hate flying." "I know." "I reeeeeally hate it..." "I know--" "-- Would you two kindly shut the fuck up? I'm trying to take advantage of this fully recliny chair by SLEEPING through this flight, if you don't mind!" Stefan snapped. 'Shit, who pissed in his cornflakes?' Brian thought to himself. "Maybe you should try sleeping too, Brian," Steve suggested pointedly. "Yeah, maybe," Brian shrugged as he finished off his drink, calling for another. 'Or I could just keep ordering drinks and hope I die of liver failure...' Brian sighed to himself as he scratched the wounds on his arms. The stitches had only just come out and the cuts were still at that horribly itchy stage of healing. "Don't do that, Bri," Steve said automatically. "You dont want those to scar more than they have to." "Yes mummy," replied Brian tritely, scratching a couple more times out of sheer spite. Steve sighed. Brian could be so childish. Brian rolled his eyes at Steve's sigh. Steve had been so remote recently. Then again, it probably didn't help that Brian was often catty to him -- he didn't mean to, really, it was just remnants of his bitter resentment. Brian couldn't help himself; he still felt that it was all Steve's fault. He felt rejected in the worst way. He still loved Steve, even though he told himself a thousand times a day that he didn't. He just couldn't help himself. It just wasn't as easy as flipping a switch to turn your feelings off... although that /would/ have been nice to have on more than one occasion. He glanced over at Steve, who was semi-reclined and looked to be asleep. 'He looks so peaceful when he's asleep,' Brian thought. 'Like he's never been hurt, or broken anyone's heart... he could really be an angel. My angel. At least until he wakes up, then we'er back to mortal and oh-so-distant Steve... Why did things have to be so complicated? Why did Steve have to be so complicated? How could the guy go from being arrow-straight to fucking a very masculine Swede? If anything, it should have been ME he was fucking, at least I look a little like a woman... Oh damn, my drink's empty again.' He called for another, smiling wanly as it arrived. He looked over at Stefan. 'He's been my friend for so long, and he didn't even realize how he betrayed me. Oh, damn him. Damn him for being there. I should have been there, when Steve... discovered himself. At least... at least... they're not together anymore... right? Oh God, why did I just think that? They said they're not, and if I can't trust them then who can I trust? But... they didn't tell me before... Oh shit, Molko, you're getting all paranoid, that's no good... damn I need a smoke, fucking airplanes. Sigh. "There will be no fucking of bandmates," yeah fucking right. I still want to jump Steve's bones first chance I get... and somehow I think Stef feels the same way. Of course, I can't exactly go back on my rule... I mean, /everybody/ knows Brian's a hypocrite, but that's just going too far, even for me. I hoped that that little declaration would bring some peace of mind, but so far it hasn't done much good. Shit. Shit. Fuck me. Fuck us all. Actually, don't go there Brian... Oh God, when is this flight going to be over? Argh, I hate flying. I hate this whole god-forsaken situation. Life is just too fucked up. I wish I had died on that bathroom floor... don't I? I mean, I guess a couple of people would miss me -- I mean /really/ miss me, the fans can just latch onto some other pretty band -- but then I wouldn't have to deal with all this shit. Oh Steve, why don't you want me? Is it something I did, I said? Something I /didn't/ do or say? We could have been so good together Steve, we really could have. And now there's no chance of it. I mean, I tore you two apart and you went along with it for my sake, so if I went after Steve now... Christ, Stef would probably kill me. And I don't think I could do that to him, after all we've been through together... But then again, after what /he/ did to /me/... Maybe I should just quit, and move to Canada or somewhere so I never have to see either of them again. I could just go into hiding, change my name; goodbye Brian Molko, rockstar, alcoholic, sex symbol, hello plain old Brian, the unfuckable freak. Then again, I'm already unfuckable, if Steve doesn't want me... Christ, why do I torment myself like this? I can't pretend that its any other way. Oh, my drink's empty /again/? Are we there yet? Does it matter? Does anything matter? The plane could crash in the middle of the fucking ocean for all I care... Whereever I am may as well be nowhere if it's not in Steve's arms. Like that will EVER happen. He should have just left me on the fucking floor to bleed to fucking death, and kept on fucking Stef.. at least I wouldn't be around to hate him for it, or be hurt by it... Why do we have to fall in love so uncontrollably? Why does life suck so much? Oooh, we're getting eloquent now Brian, maybe I SHOULD just quit if thats the kind of shit I come up with. Or maybe I should try to get some sleep...' His bandmates were sleeping so peacefully, their faces relaxed and beautiful. Brian's drunken imagination suddenly conjured an image of the two of them lying in bed togehter, limbs entangled, with the same blissful expressions on their faces. 'FUCK! Why do I DO this to myself?' Brian shut his eyes and spent the rest of the flight trying to get that image out of his mind. Next Home |