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Bleeding Hearts -- Act 2 Scene 2 ok, here's the next part! thanks for all the feedback, it gives me major warm-fuzzies in what passes at times for my heart. love you all. for whoever was wondering, the first part of this fic is archived at http://www.geocities.com/placeboslash xxoo v BLEEDING HEARTS ACT 2 SCENE 2 'Come on, Brian. Come on, Brian...' Steve was repeating it in his head like a mantra, his eyes fixed on the pale, sickly creature hooked up to all sorts of creepy machines and apparati. Most of his body was hidden beneath the bed linens, but one arm -- wrapped from hand to above the elbow with slightly bloodied gauze -- rested on top, pierced with several needles attatched to IV's and stuck with sensors running to the softly humming machines. Steve was gripping Stef's hand tightly, unconsciously mimicking the tension in his chest. His heart hurt. 'Come on... come on!' The hand on top of the covers twitched. "Bri?..." Stef's voice was nearly inaudible. A lump formed in Steve's throat as his eyes grew wide. Brian's hand moved again, and Steve was torn between reaching out to hold it and not daring to touch it for fear of breaking him. "Come on, Bri..." Stef breathed, his eyes also fixated on the small man who held such a large place in his life. Translucent eyelids fluttered once, twice before opening, revealing clouded -- but oh-so-conscious -- eyes. "Brian!" Steve managed to choke out. Brian moved his eyes slowly, so painfully slowly, to look at his bandmates. They sat so closely together, hands tightly entwined, looking so concerned... He closed his eyes, willing things to change suddenly. When he opened them again, nothing had. Damn. He felt like they had punched him in the stomach. Did they not realize, after everything? As Brian opened his eyes a second time, Stef saw some indescribable emotion slide across their green-blue surface, a sort of angry melancholy. "Brian, love, you had us so scared..." Stefan spoke from the heart, uncaring of how clich�d it sounded. Brian opened his mouth to say something but found himself unable to speak for the breathing tube down his throat. He gestured to it angrily, and a nurse hurried up. She spoke softly to him, explaining how he was to exhale forcefully as she pulled the tube out. He nodded, and complied on the count of three. He coughed weakly for several moments, and gratefully sipped the cup of water the nurse brought for him. He set the cup down and opened his mouth again, pausing to try to find his voice. He turned again to his bandmates, sorrowfully noting they still held hands in a more-than- friendly way. "Don't you get it?" he croaked, staring at their hands as if it would cause them to separate. "Get what?" Stef started tentatively, following Brian's line of sight to their entwined hands. He guiltily snatched his hand away from Steve's, a hint of red spreading across his cheeks. "Oh..." "Brian, we're so sorry," Steve started softly. "Are you? Are you really? Do you think that saying you're sorry will fix all the pain I've suffered?" He extended his hand to the cup of water but couldn't reach, so Stef stood and got it for him. Steve looked at the floor. He couldn't even look at Brian, let alone his face, those eyes, so accusing... "I'm sorry," he whispered. A tear dripped from his eye to splash on the tiled floor. Stef paced restlessly, unsure if he should comfort Steve, comfort Brian or just keep to himself. The three of them remained in uncomfortable silence for several minutes; the tension growing exponentially but none daring to break it. Finally: "Why?" Brian's voice was tiny, cracking with the strain of what was normally such a simple question. Steve looked up, but at the ceiling, still not daring to look at Brian. "I didn't know." His voice was equally small. "I thought you were just joking with me. I thought it was a game..." He trailed off; the power of speech had suddenly deserted him. "But... why Stefan? He's the last person I /ever/ would have figured you for..." Brian's tired words were heavily laced with bitterness. Steve sighed. He'd only recently figured out the answer to that for himself. He struggled to find the right words, still uncertain as to whether he could actually speak them. "You two always teased me about being so straight. I was so sure of myself, but one day I took a step back..." He paused and licked his lips, which had suddenly become very dry. "I asked myself, do I really only like women, or do I just think that out of habit? I couldn't answer myself at the time, but I tossed it around in my head for quite a while." He looked up at Stef and Brian, who were gazing intently at him. "Go on..." Stefan prompted gently. "So, two nights ago, I had my answer. Granted, I found it at the bottom of a shot glass, but even when I woke and sobered the answer was the same. As for Stef..." He hesitated, glancing over to the willowy man before returning his gaze to the ceiling. "Who can ever say why they fall in love? It's everything. The way he moves on stage, off stage, the way he dances, the way he thinks and speaks and laughs... Maybe part of it was just his being in the right place at the right time, I don't know." Steve stopped, breathed out, finally daring to look back down at Brian. He immediately wished he hadn't. Brian was pale, trembling, sunken; he looked like a puppy who had been kicked -- repeatedly. His lower lip was quivering, and tears threatened to spill from his eyes at any second. "Oh Christ, Brian, I don't mean that you're nothing compared to him, you're a wonderful person and I love you... it's just that, I don't love you in the way you'd like. I'm sorry. There's plenty of great things about you, Brian..." His voice got softer. "...they're just not what I want." Steve blinked. 'Fuck, did I just say what I think I did?' He glanced at Brian. The stricken look on his face told him quite plainly that he had. Fuck. "Oh my God, Brian, I didn't mean it like that..." "I think you should leave now, Steve." Brian's voice was quiet, surprisingly steady. Steve stood. "I'm so sorry, Bri... I really didn't mean it like that..." Forcefully: "You bastard! Fuck you, get out! " Steve stepped back instinctively, then turned and fled the room. Stef looked at Brian, then to the door. 'What a mess. What an utterly horrible mess.' He turned back to Brian. "Want me to stay?" Brian was curled up in the fetal position, his face hidden behind his arms, which were wrapped tightly around his legs. A hollow voice was barely audible behind this muffling. "Go." "Okay, Bri... I'll be back later... God, I love you Bri, I really don't know what else to say." He left, shutting the door softly behind himself. Steve was leaning his back against the wall next to the door, squatting on his heels with his arms wrapped around his knees. He was in much the same position as Brian had assumed not moments before. His body was shaking with wracking sobs. "Oh Steve..." Stefan's voice was gentle, tender, trying to soothe his troubled love. "Stef, why did I say that? Why the hell did I say that? Look what it did to him!" Stefan dropped to his knees and enfolded the other man in a comforting hug. "Shh, Steve, its okay love. It'll be okay." He placed light kisses all across the weeping man's wavy hair, gently rubbing his back as he did. A voice cut through their quiet comforting. "Holy shit, did he die or something? Please tell me he's alive!" Steve looked up, glaring over Stefan's shoulder at their manager who had just arrived. "No, he's awake." "So what's your problem?" Stef turned and glared at him. "Why don't you just go in and see him, or something?" He turned back to Steve, gently kissing his forehead. "Bastard," he muttered softly so only Steve could hear him. Steve smiled weakly. Stefan stood, his knees cracking softly. "Why don't we go sit down on the chairs again... uncomfortable as they are, they've gotta be better than the floor." He held out his hands and helped Steve up. They wandered over and sat down. They sat in silence for quite some time, lost in their own melancholy thoughts. "Steve?" "Mmm?" "What you said to Brian... don't feel bad. It was brave, to be able to admit it." "Mmm." Steve couldn't trust himself to speak, his throat seemed to be constricting. "You know what else? I love you." If Steve's throat had been constricting before, Stef's simple statement made it close completely. His face must have been turning some shade of red to reflect this difficulty breathing, as Stef leaned in close, placing his hands on Steve's shoulders. "You okay?" Steve nodded as he gently wrapped his arms around Stef. "I'm okay." He looked up. "I love you too." Prev | Next Home |