Due to increasing product liability litigation, the following warning
labels will be placed immediately on all beer containers listing the well-
known dangers of alcohol consumption: 
 
WARNING: This product may cause you to lose your bra if you are
female, or your underpants if you are a male.

WARNING: This product may let you think you are whispering when you are
not. 

WARNING: This product may be a major factor in dancing like an idiot. 

WARNING: This product may cause you to tell your friends over and over
again that you love them. 

WARNING: This product may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: This product may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really
dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 

WARNING: This product may make you think you can logically converse
with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. 

WARNING: This product may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu
powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked. 

WARNING: This product may cause you to roll over in the morning and see
something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING: This product may be the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead. 

WARNING: This product may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people. 

WARNING: This product may lead you to believe you are invisible. 

WARNING: This product may lead you to think people are laughing WITH
you.

WARNING: This product may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem
to literally disappear.

WARNING: This product may actually CAUSE pregnancy.