It was a dark and stormy night. Outside the rain fell like a cheap pair of socks, water rushing
through the deserted streets like a freshman late for lunch. But inside the supposedly empty hall of St.
Pius X High School, a silhouette could be seen lurking its way toward the library. It reeked like a
football player after a hard practice. And it breathed hard, as if it had just run two or three St. Pius miles.
The silhouette's person laughed a very cold sinister laugh. The person sighed remembering the good
times and the bad times. The stranger was wearing a hood which was taken off. When he entered the
library, the stranger saw a lighted candle on a small table with a simple hardbound book. The book
had no title. The stranger saw that the flame of the candle was turning blue. A hole in the space-time
continuum formed immediately. The stranger was pulled into the spatial anomaly. The stranger felt a
falling sensation. The stranger was either blind or everything was very dark. Then, the stranger
blacked out.
Back in the hallway the silhouette stirred, the figure anxiously peering out of the shadows,
lurking like a monk in a cloister awaiting his next meal. Then echoing through the empty halls came
the sudden sound of footsteps followed by a girlish giggle. The silhouette pressed back into the dark,
fading into the shadows just as Jannie came skipping around the corner.
She stopped at the front door of the library and looked behind her. From her back pocket she
pulled a small leather pouch, unzipped it, and removed a diamond tipped glass cutter. Carefully,
quietly, she slid the tip in a small circle, around the glass. Then tapped it. The tiny perfect circle of glass
dropped back onto the library floor. She tried to stick her hand through, the pane shook loose and
shattered on the floor. "Geepers," she muttered and then opened the door, shards of glass crunching
beneath her feet.
The silhouette darted out of the dark, silently pausing beside the pope, pretending to offer the
pontiff a light.
Inside the library Jannie was anxiously pulling books from the shelves, desperately searching
for something.
One of the books that Jannie took was the book with no name. She was filled with curiosity.
She opened the book. All of the pages were blank. She heard an explosion. A puff of ash and
brimstone. Who should appear but Hades, King of the Underworld. "Ha, Ha! I got you now R. Jannie.
You took those books without checking them out. Thus you deserve the same fate as the other stranger
who was trespassing." The vortex opened and R. Jannie was pulled inside it.
When the mysterious silhouette heard the noise, he darted inside the library. He stood amid
the broken shards of glass and books littered the floor. On the floor he saw an open book. As he
approached nearer, he saw that it had no writing in its pages. Meanwhile, R. Jannie was battling
Hades. He said "Ha, Ha. Your time is up. You lose." With that he took his scythe and lobbed her head
off. He laughed an evil cackle that reverberated throughout the underworld. R. Jannie crumpled to the
floor. The evil Hades laughed again and removed the mask he was wearing. Underneath he was
really Duran Duran! "Now I shall make my escape to the Parallel Universe where everything exists in
256 shades of Green. Wwwwaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Meanwhile in the OTHER parallel that's kind of like our universe, an important meeting was
taking place. "We must stop Duran Duran," said the OTHER Mr. Sutter, "before he kills the OTHER
R. Jannie, but what can we do!?!?!?!?!?" "Well, we must have Duran Duran come to this universe
where we can take care of him permanently," said the OTHER Jason.
Meanwhile, in the Dremarians' universe, King Jason V was on the bridge talking to his crew
aboard the U.S.S. Matthias. "We must stop Duran Duran. Remember Poder. Remember Dremaria!"
With that he got into his throne. "Helm, set a course for the parallel universe where everything exists
in 256 Shades of Green. Maximum warp. Engage." The warp nacelles hummed for a few seconds
then leaped into warp. Then, the ship spontaneously combusted!
Back in the OTHER universe, the OTHER Billy, the OTHER Mr. Sutter, the OTHER R.
Jannie, and the OTHER others were devising a plan to destroy Duran Duran. "How will we kill all the
Duran Durans in all the parallel universes?!", exclaimed Mr. Sutter. "I know we'll get one of them to
kill all the others!", offered Jason, "that way we'll cut our losses." "Yeah, maybe that'll work.", agreed
Billy. "How 'bout if we offer him some poisoned dark and moody?", proposed Gina. "What if we get
him on X-File's Most Wanted?", submitted Elizabeth. "No, Liz," moaned the others. Bernadette said,
"Jason's right. His plan works."
On the Matthias, the night before the ship's warp core breached, Julie, the king's sister had a nightmare. "I was in space, facing the ship when it exploded." "Say no more." Said King Jason V. "I will create a time loop so that this ship and this crew will stay alive. Still, I cannot believe my home is gone. Fortunately, we were on a scientific exploration." His sister left his quarters with the king in high hopes. Unfortunately for El King del Stupido, that is exactly what Duran Duran wanted. "In the process of creating his little time loop, he will also create a paradox, and I shall harness the energy to bring all the Duran Durans from all the parallel universes and merge them into me, making me a god!!!! Then I'll destroy Jason's ship once and for all, wwwaaaaahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!".
In the OTHER parallel universe, the OTHER Jason had been attacked by Duran Duran. Now
he was in a coma. The OTHER Sutter said, "Jason was working on a story. I wish we had the main
character, the king's help." "And you have it, Herman Sutter." It was King Jason V! "I have a vendetta
against Duran Duran. Our forces shall unite to destroy him. However, I personally shall battle him to
the death."
They all thought that Duran Duran was conquering with no help at all. He had help from
master villainess Carmen Sandiego!
While this was happening, the other Billy Hoya was locked in a closet by an unknown and
unidentifiable person. They reasoned that it must have been Duran Duran or some such other strange,
and confusing character.
However, since Billy was unhurt, they left it as a mystery, and continued their conversation
with Jason V, who they wondered how he got there in the first place. This all would have been
avoided if they had been watching the viewing window for the attack, but since they forgot their guide
books, they didn't, so they also didn't know that the evil people were attacking, or at least finding out
their vulnerable point.
So, to conclude matters, it was a mess! Fortunately they had some reasonable people on board,
such as R. Janie Garcia, who was willing to point out their mistakes. She told them what they forgot,
and asked Billy to discribe the characters.
"What was that?" Asked Billy.
"I said," Answered Janie, a bit annoyed, "Describe the person, or whoever who locked you
in the closet!"
"Oh, them," Said Billy, who by this point had forgotten the incident, "Kind of dark and
sinister, you know what I mean, and I guess you could say that they were strange."
Janie looked thoughtful, then said "Obviously. Okay, facts: 1. Duran Duran and Carmen S. are
partners 2. Billy's fine 3. This is really weird."
The others could not have agreed more. Billy took a look at his watch. Five hours after it had
been when he was locked in the closet. Someone very strange must have thought this up, and he
thought he had an idea whom.
Mr. Sutter, resourceful as always, had inserted all the happenings into a computer, and had
checked with other very smart members about other happens. Then he gave them what they really
wanted. Lunch.
But Jannie was starting to feel quezzy. She couldn't explane it. She deside to skip lunch and go
take a nap.
By the time she got to her room. She was feeling there ill indeed. For some reason, it looked
like her bed was fading. She thought it was just her eyes playing tricks on her. She went to sit down
on the bed, and she fell through the bed!!! Soon, the hole room started fading. She ran out to the
hallway, which was fading to. "I'm I dying again??"
She thought. She ran into Liz, Gina, and Billy. "Why's everything fading??" She exclaimed.
"Oh my," exclaimed Liz, "we're fading!!!" "How spielburgean!!" Billy though. "We and
everything else must be in a state of transdimensional flux." "But why isn't Jannie fading???" Soon
everything had faded to blackness. Jannie felt as if she was being pulled apart. She tried to hold on, but
she couldn't and soon floated away.
Jannie awoke. "Wow," she thought aloud, "I must have been asleep for a whole 8½ pages.
"She proceeded to a mirror. Her face was pale as Michael Jackson. Suddenly, her head rolled off. She
knew why. Her dream was real and it probably was not over yet.
(Jannie's head had not really rolled off, but being the fact that this whole thing is not quite clear,
we shall leave everything as it appears and continue with the story. Thank you.)
The interesting part of this story-dream-reality-parallel universes, ex cetera, ex cetera, ex
cetera, is that everything seems to be out of control. And to sustain matters until further notice we shall
bring the ever caring, ever thoughtful, Mr. Sutter back into the story.
So....
Herman Sutter wasn't just a really cool librarian, he was a friend, so he did his best to figure
out this entire mystery (which indeed is a mystery). "Jannie thinks she's dreaming, she thinks it's real,
Billy gets locked in closets, all these Jasons appear, what is the story behind the matter? I think it's
always best to check my handy catalog."
"Oh, wait, I left it at St. Pius, oh, well. I think the best thing to do is to solve this mystery, and
solve it SOON!"
Suggestions were made, actions proposed, discarded, debates, arguments, panic, and
computers. They searched the computers for informational e-mail. But, because of all the happenings
were unable to bring any information up. So, being the courageous people they were (and will be),
decided to take this into their own hands, (Especially Jason, whichever one it was). Arming
themselves with an assortment of educational and rearranging weapons (such as computers,
calculators, books, paper, and pens) they decided to quiz Duran Duran and Carmen S. It would be like
an academic challenge! (Wow, what smart people there are in the world!) So, our brave characters go
forth to question those in power (and stop for souvenirs on the way). Duran Duran and Carmen
Sandiego failed the quiz because it was a good quiz. However what to do with them was debatable.
Jason -whichever one it may be- said, "Let's hit them with the crazy person ray. that way no one will
believe what they say." So Carmen and Duran where thrown into the portal never to be seen again.