december 13, 2000
you know, i used to think only losers went to the movies by themselves. i used to look around the movie theater and pick out the poor guy sitting by himself, with no one to talk to, waiting silently for the movie to start. "man, that guy must be down in the dumps. he couldn't find ANYONE to come out to the theater with him? sad..." well, surprise, surprise! these days, i AM that loser. i AM that poor guy, sitting by himself, saying, "yes, you can sit there. no i'm not saving a seat for anybody." ha ha.
i'm not trying to throw a pity party for myself. but i do think it reflects a struggle that lots of young adult, recent college grads go through. i've seen almost all the friends i had in college move away to new jobs and new schools ever since i graduated two and a half years ago, to the point where i can count on one hand the number of college friends (those that i went to school with and spent a significant amount of my social free time with) left in the bay area. and i'm not gonna lie - it can be a really lonely, isolating experience. sometimes it seems like you have no one to talk to or hang out with (the "i think my cell phone is just an expensive watch" syndrome). to make things worse, you don't even want to make new friends. either you feel like they'll never live up to your "real" friends, or it's just not worth the emotional investment to put yourself out there like that.
what to do about this? well for me, i'm always reminded of a question i feel god's been asking me since i was in college: "do you find your greatest joy in me?" i haven't always been able to answer in the affirmative, but when i have, i can't say that he's ever let me down. god has promised his unconditional, everlasting love to me, and it is fuller and more profoundly satisfying than the company of my closest friends (and much more, for that matter). as long as i've got god in my life, all those feelings and circumstances that might bring me down? to tell you the truth, they really ain't that bad! and god continues to provide for me - yes, my college buddies may be gone, but i've been blessed to have had opportunities to make new friends (thanks to those of you i've befriended since june 1998 - in your own unique ways, you've given my life more flavor. at least, that's how i look at it!).
i think this is a topic i'll revisit sometime in the future. right now, i don't plan on writing on "christian" themes every time. nevertheless, over the long run, i hope that these journal entries will show little by little how i've come to see how amazing and awesome god is! for those of you who believe in god, i hope i can be a source of encouragement to you. for those who don't believe, or don't understand, i hope that, at the very least, you can accept these personal insights into my faith simply as me being me. however, if you ever have any questions about anything i write here or say elsewhere, please don't hesitate to ask.
again, thanks for reading.