november 2, 2001
wow, has it really been over five months since i last wrote a journal? my goodness...
a lot has happened in my life in that time. A LOT. not only in my life, but in the world we live in. things are totally different. but some things, for better or worse, are still the same (more on that a little later). it looks like the last time i wrote was back in may. just to orient you, here are some of the things that have happened in that time:
in june, i quit my job and moved out of the bay area for good, getting ready to leave for missions in mexico for the month of july, and starting medical school in august. i left for mexico with my team from kcpc on the fourth of july and spent 25 awesome, god-filled days down in oaxaca, mexico. PLEASE ask me about mexico and all the things that god did (and i pray is still doing) down in the town of la cumbre whenever you get a chance. and two days before i left for mexico, i received a phone call from northwestern med school telling me they would offer me a place in the incoming class if i would commit to them, right on the spot. i was at target, buying shampoo and toothpaste and bug spray and stuff for my trip, so obviously i wasn't quite prepared to take the call and make a pretty important decision about my LIFE right there in the parking lot, but "what the heck?" i said and told them i'd accept. and here i am today - in chicago. at northwestern. i'm a wildcat. grraaaow. ha ha...
jessica - she's someone i met about nine months ago in berkeley. she started going out to kcpc last year, and got to be friends with some of my friends. and as you can imagine, i ended up meeting her too; one night in january, i had just gone to watch a warriors game in oakland with some buddies, and wanted some cheap, unhealthy thai food before going home that night. and jessica was there with some friends, hanging out after ficb (the berkeley college ministry of my church, kcpc). fast forward a month or so, and jessica and i are starting to become friends ourselves. like i said, we were friends with the same people, so we kicked it, talked, learned about each other a lot. we even ended up being potential teammates on the same missions team. so whether we were at church for training on saturdays, watching/playing softball during the week, hittin' up tahoe to go snowboarding, barbecuing burgers and hot dogs, or even just talkin' to each other on aol, our friendship grew and pretty soon we weren't just acquaintances, but really good friends. some of my buddies (one in particular, you know who you are) began to ask me whether or not i could see myself dating jessica. and i'd say, "not really." for a lot of reasons. i'm too old. i'll be in med school in a few months. things like that...
i'm gonna disappoint you all and cut to the chase! i eventually realized that i saw jessica as more than just a friend. and i realized how much i would regret it if i were to leave for medical school and not tell her how i felt about her. and i wanted to tell her that even though we'd be hecka miles apart, that i would want nothing better than to pursue a relationship with her. so i prayed about it a lot. and given the circumstances (i was leaving soon), i nervously told jessica everything that had been on my mind (ask her how nervous i was!)...
and that was that. and this is now: god has blessed me with such an awesome friend in jessica. he's shown me a lot of how good he is through her and the relationship that we have. even though it's hard to be so far apart sometimes, i've seen how he's brought us to where we are now, even in the short time we've been together. and i'm excited to see how god gonna continue to teach and guide and bless the two of us in the months and years to come...
i mentioned earlier that things have changed. sometimes for the worse - living in the crazy, sick world we live in, it's hard sometimes to take any comfort in anything at all. and in some ways, i think that's the way things should be. one thing i've learned over the last several years - and especially since september 11 - is that the world has a funny way of squirming out of your hands right when you think you've got a good hold on it. it's frustrating. it's discouraging. it leaves you feeling helpless. and at these times, i'm reminded of what a powerful thing it is to know that my god is unchanging. he's the same today as he was yesterday and all the days before that. and he'll be the same tomorrow and the next day and all the days after that. he loves us. he cares for us. even when things seem cruel and twisted, i know that he's always had a plan, and i can't help but to believe he's gonna bring us through any mess we're stuck in right now, no matter how bad it may seem right now in our eyes...
and sometimes things change for the better. yesterday, i talked to a couple in the hospital who had been blessed with the birth of their first child the night before, and they were so happy (and a little bewildered) to be starting a new life as parents. in my life, god's given me such a sweet gift in the special friendship i have with jessica. and i'm reminded that our god is a god who loves to give. and, yeah, he gives abundantly. this is nothing new. god's been this way forever. and he's gonna continue being this way forever. and this gives me a lot of hope: for the world; for my family and friends; for jessica; and especially for myself. it gives me hope to know that god loves even a sinner like me. and loves me so much that someday he's gonna call me back to him to spend the rest of 'forever' with him in heaven...i can't wait...