My chest feels like a brick has been anchored to it.

Her bags are ready, standing by the door to be picked up when the cab arrives. She's only bringing two; one big piece of luggage and a backpack.

I take a sip of the coffee I’m holding in my hand, just to have something to do besides stand here and stare at the things she's taking with her. The hot liquid is tasteless in my mouth but runs a path down my throat and helps steady me a little.

I glance at her closed bedroom door and mentally tell her to take her time. Maybe if I slow down tonight, take in every moment that passes, I can somehow extend what's left of the time that I have with her, hold on just a little more.

She comes out of her room and I don’t turn to face her right away, needing time to reconstruct the expression on my face into something resembling cheerfulness. She had ended up crying the night that we discussed this internship because she was torn between wanting to go and feeling that she had to stay, but of course there really couldn’t have been any other choice. I wouldn’t have let her pass up an opportunity like this, and I know that she would’ve ended up resenting me if I had tried.

“So…” she murmurs, stopping a step behind me, to my left.

“You’re ready?” I turn and give her a big smile. Please don’t let her see that I’m actually hoping we get to the airport late…

Joey smiles uncertainly, rubbing her hands on her pants awkwardly. “I think so.” Her eyes are brimming, and I have to force myself to keep from taking her in my arms and asking her not to leave me.

I nod and put my mug on the table. “Let’s go. The cab’s probably downstairs.”

She puts on her coat and scarf while I take her bags and open the door. The ride down in the elevator is a quiet one. I keep my eyes glued to the blinking numbers above us, she fiddles with her gloves.

What is there to say?

God, I can’t even tell her how hellish this is going to be for me, because I’m afraid that if I do, she’d take it to mean that I’m asking her to stay.

The cab is idling in front of our building. The driver comes out as soon as he sees us and helps me load the bags into the trunk just as Jen and Jack come rushing out the door.

“Joey!” Jen exclaims. “We went up to your apartment. We thought we missed you.” They hug tightly, Joey blinking several times to keep the tears from falling.

“E-mail me, okay?” Jen demands, smiling. “Tell me about any cute Spanish boys you meet.” She grins and winks at me.

Joey laughs. “Right.”

Jack hugs her too, while I stand beside the cab and wait. I feel hollow inside, except for the leaden weight in my chest.

“Take care, Joey. Tell me about any cute Spanish boys you meet, too.” Jack teases, and we all laugh. We stay there for a few long moments, just taking it all in while the snow begins falling gently around us. Some Christmas decorations are still up on our street, the lights hanging forlornly from barren tree branches and blurring into one another as I stare at them with eyes stinging from the cold.

“We should go,” Joey finally says.

Our two friends stay outside the door to our building, waving as the taxi pulls away. Joey waves back until they’re too far to see, and then turns around to sit silently beside me. I’m staring out the frosted window of the cab when I feel her hand slip into mine and hold on tightly. We sit that way for the remainder of the ride to the airport, hands linked, not knowing what to say.

We have just enough time to get her luggage checked in before her flight is called for boarding. Her backpack is slung over my shoulder as we walk slowly, my throat forming a lump that makes it hard for me to speak.

“Pacey,” she whispers when we stop at her departure gate. She looks at me with tears shining in her eyes, and I bite my lip hard and smile.

“Here’s your ride, Potter.”

She closes her eyes and puts her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder. I hold her tight and stroke her hair soothingly, fighting to keep what little control I have over the gut-wrenching emotions overtaking me. Her shoulders start to shake and I feel her hot tears through my clothes. I feel like my heart is being squeezed in my chest.

“Shh,” I whisper against her temple. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay.”

She looks at me with drenched eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

I shake my head. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Joey. Don’t worry about me; I can live on take-out.” I grin, brushing away tears from her cheeks. “Just have fun, okay?”

She nods and hugs me again.

“You’re going to be the most kick-ass intern there.” I smile. “Just don’t forget to call me once in a while.”

She puts her hands on either side of my face and kisses me earnestly. Her lips part sweetly over mine and our tongues meet and move against each other, trying to show as much of what we felt as we could into this one last kiss, this one last touch. I memorize every sensation, catalogue every feeling and store them away in my mind so that I would have something to hold on to in the next few months, a small piece of her that I can always keep with me.

“God, I love you, Jo.” I rasp out when we part, cradling her face in my hands. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

She blinks back more tears and musters a small smile. “I love you, too.”

She takes her backpack from me and starts to walk away slowly, her eyes still locked with mine. My throat works as I try to keep from embarrassing myself by crying like a kid, and my fists clench as I force myself to stay where I am.

I raise my hand in a little wave before she disappears into the tube leading to the plane. She looks at me and mouths the words “I love you” before going in, and I stay standing there long after she’s gone, watching while her plane takes off to take her to the other side of the world.