January 29, 2002
so i hate job fairs, and the whole job-searching process in general. it just puts me
in a bad mood because i feel so underqualified for seemingly every position out there
that i could possibly qualify for. this is unfortunate, as i need a fulltime job
beginning in june, upon my graduation. i feel nervous because it seems as though
whatever im not going out there to get, someone else is, and my opportunities are
just slipping away, which is basically what is happening. also, the feeling of
being underqualified, usually the assumption that my gpa is too low to even get me
an interview, gets me into a whole
cycle of "what if's," like "what if i just studied more in previous years," "what if
i had a higher gpa," "what if i started my job search earlier," all valid questions,
all which should have been asked and answered in the PAST, which, as much as i'd like
to change, i cannot. all of this question-asking just leads to trouble, because as i
have also found out in the past, they just depress me and make me not wanna go out
there and look for jobs, because i think i will just get rejected. so id rather sit
at home and watch tv, cuz the tv never rejects me, and i can shut off my brain and
forget about my worries.
yeah, i am pretty pathetic. but at the same time, bogging myself in my "reality" isnt
helping, as i apparently am undervaluing myself, as people tell me. and maybe they're
right. they probably are. which means i should stop worrying about the past and just
do what i can do now, because what's done is done and tomorrow is always a new day
with new opportunities. that's become my favorite new saying.
Thoughts Index