January 22, 2002
so ive been thinking a bit about this topic during xmas break, and most
recently because of an issue that arose between myself and some friends of
mine. i realize that i am a more judgemental person than i used to think.
things that people do annoy me...even when it's not even directed at me,
like i wrote before in a previous thought. the way people behave, the
values they hold...these things annoy me. from the stance they have on
abortion to drinking to clubbing to what type of car one should drive...if
what they say disagrees with what i think about the subject, then i want them to
change it because, clearly, im in the right and they are not. yeah
right...but since being confronted with an issue that affected me
personally, and my relationship with some friends, and talking to my
father, i have come to see that this is an issue that i have to address--i have
to be more forgiving and accepting, because what i think is not necessarily
right all the time. and getting annoyed or arguing about every little
issue that bothers me will probably cause more harm than good. as much as
i want, i cant make everyone think like me (and in all honesty, it's good
that they dont) or act like me. i cant be so uptight about every little
thing. i guess it just goes to show how much others affect my thinking,
even inadvertently. sheesh, arent i insecure.
this isnt to say that my motive for these feelings is entirely
self-righteous. i mean, if i see friends in positions where i feel they
are compromising themselves, clearly i will be bothered, because i dont
want them to be in those situations, especially if they put
themselves in those situations purposely--for instance when they are
drinking alcohol. i dont have a problem with people drinking, as long as
they are of legal age. but when someone drinks too much, meaning even a
slight buzz,they are not 100% in control of their own actions. they are
still responsible for them, of course, but they might do things that they
normally wouldnt do. give off the wrong vibe. say something they will
regret later. i dont want this to happen. the right thing to do in
a situation like that is to see that it doesnt go wrong and not get all
flustered and angry. that would be a good, loyal thing to do.
different topic. i have been reading the account of Black Hawk
Down lately, and though ive only been through the first few chapters,
it's been a pretty amazing read. to be in such a situation is unimaginable
for me. the idea of taking someone's life, so many people's lives, is
something that i cannot picture happening before my eyes, much less do it
myself. that and being in a situation where my life is so severely
threatened...incredible. plus the fact that this account is a movie
screenplay without the fiction is equally shocking. i dont know what i
would do if put in such a situation...i would probably go hide. but im
not a soldier, it's not my job. battle is grim, but these men were trained
for it. amazing what people can endure...especially with the right training.
today was the first day of school. it was fun and all...seeing the campus crowded
with people, campus groups flyer-ing, and going to class. writing on the first blank
page of a brand spankin new notebook is something i find quite enjoyable, i dont
know why. i know, im a freak. but it holds so much promise...a blank slate, as i
have talked about in the past. a new hope. i need the Force this semester, that's
for sure. momentum to carry me over the hill (right kenneth?).
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