The other day, I was talking to a friend. We were talking about hardships, and what this person had gone through. I realized that it was quite a lot more than what I have had to go through in my life, and that what this person went through had made them stronger. Forged in the fire. This made me reflect on my own life. I think I can safely say that God has blessed me with many things--a stable family life, including wonderful, God-centered, loving parents, great, God-fearing friends with whom I have not had quarrels, and all the stuff I could want in life. I have no outstanding monetary needs...I even have a car to drive. I am also not dumb, I don't think (if you object, let me know so I can stop fooling myself and admit that I am not smart). It is great that God has provided these things, but have I let them be a sort of curse in my life? Has my parents' provision allowed me to lean on them too much? As many people know, I talk to my father a lot. He advises me on every aspect of my life, from school to girls. He always seems to have all the answers. But has this allowed me to become soft? To lean on him without working it through in my own life? I think, in a way, it has. I am soft, especially in my studies. I put things off till the very very last minute (last second is more like it). I have not really had severe hardships thrown my way. My ship has been sailing in a calm sea, for the most part. So I have forgotten (or never learned?) how to be disciplined. What it is like to be at the end of my rope. To have to trust in God. Actually, I take that back. I have a pretty large wave that is heading my way. It has built up over the years, but I have not given it much thought because I thought it was too far away to notice. It is my attitude, I think. The problem in my life has been caused by myself. By my apathy and procrastination. But it has gotten pretty large. What was once just limited to school has spread to many areas of my life, including my spiritual life. It has robbed me of confidence, self-worth, trust in God, and brought me nothing but trouble. But this trouble has been building for years. It will be hard to break, to get myself to get up. I don't think I can do it myself. I know I can't do it myself. I've tried. I'm going to go pray. Cya next time.