***************************************************************
Udurawana is buying a TV.
"Do
you have colour TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give
me a green one, please."
***************************************************************
Udurawana calls Air Lanka.
"How
long does it take to fly to
"Just
a second," says the rep.
"Thank
you." says the Udurawana and cuts the line.
***************************************************************
Udurawana was filling up an application
form for a job. He filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS
etc.
Then
he came to the column Salary Expected:
After
much thought he wrote: Yes
***************************************************************
Udurawana proposes to a woman. She says
yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to
He
walks over to the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "70th damn
croc and this bugger is also barefeet!"
***************************************************************
Udurawana goes into a store and sees a
shiny object.
He
asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The
clerk replies, "That is a thermos."
Udurawana then asks, "What does it
do?"
The
clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Udurawana says, "I'll take
one!"
The
next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
Udurawana's boss asked, "Wow,
you have a Thermos. What do you have in it?" Udurawana
replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
***************************************************************
Why
did 18 Udurawanas go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
***************************************************************
The
doctor told Udurawana to run eight kilometres a day for 300 days TO LOSE WEIGHT..
After
300 days, Udurawana called the doctor to report he
had lost the weight, but he had a problem; "I'm 2400 kms
away from home."
***************************************************************
Udurawana's two sons Sunil and Rohan are waiting in a railway station.
Sunil
asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ohia?"
"No,"
answers the Railway man.
"then Can I ?" asks Rohan.
***************************************************************
Having
lost his donkey Udurawana, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby
saw him and asked,
"Your
donkey is missing; why are you thanking God?"
The
Udurawana replied "I am thanking him for that I
wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing
too."
***************************************************************
Udurawana got the 4th child. He fills
data in the birth certificate
Mother:
Sri Lankan.
Father:
Sri Lankan.
Kid:
Chinese.
"How
come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sri LAnkan?"
says Udurawana
"Ahhh... I read in the newspaper, that the every
4th person born on Earth now is a Chinese."
***************************************************************
Two
dogs, Rubi and Moti, and Udurawana were sent to the outer
space.
The
ground control issues commands "Rubi!"
"Woof!" ( its the barking sound )
"Press the red button."
"Woof!
Woof!" "Moti!""Woof!" "Press the white button."
"Woof!
Woof!" "Udurawana!"
"Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch
anything!"
***************************************************************
Udurawana and a friend Amaris went to
He
asks,"Oi Udurawana!
What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared?... I was really enjoying my ride down there?
Udurawana mumbles "Yeah, but you've
got a driver."
***************************************************************
Udurawana with two red ears went to his
doctor. The doctor asked
him what had happened to his ears and he answered,
"I
was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.
"Oh
Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But ..what happened to your other ear?
***************************************************************
At
Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the
steps to board the plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped.
He
shouted "Oh, I lost my balance!" and the moving got slowed down a
bit. Udurawana was at the bottom of the steps
anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time and he shouted,
"Doesn't
matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket. I'll give you some later!
"
***************************************************************
When
it was closer to
Full
Name : Heen Banda Udurawana
Sex : Ticked the Female Box and wrote below : unlike these foreigners, we
always have sex with females !
***************************************************************
Getting
off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited and anxious to get off. So he went to
the door before anyone, and prepared to jump down.
"Wait
sir, Wait" cried an air hostess.
"75 Kilograms" replied Udurawana and jumped off the plane !
***************************************************************
Seeing
Udurawana jump off the plane, an airport worker came
running to his aid.
"Sir,
Are you hurt? ", he asked, helping Udurawanna to stand up.
"No,
I am not Hurt. I am Udurawana"
he replied.
***************************************************************
In
the Hospital After his jump from the plane, Udurawana
was taken to a doctor to be treated for minor injuries. While awaiting his turn
for treatment, Udurawana smiled with an old
Englishman sitting next to him.
"Hello..
I'm suffering from Influenza" " said
the Englishman
"Hello"
replied Udurawana. " I'm
Udurawana from
The
Englishman confused, said "I mean my Influenza... came from Catarrh".
I know, I know replied Udurawana. "Though
I say
***************************************************************
Fortunately,
the injuries were not serious and Udurawana was able
to participate in the conference.
The
Chairperson said "Mr. Udurawana from
Udurawana rose from his seat, and said:
"Udurawana Walawwa No.
29,
***************************************************************
When
Udurawana announced his postal address to the
audience, his Secretary came for assistance.
"That
is not what you are supposed to do, Sir", he said, giving him a five-page
written-speech.
"You
are supposed to speak to them. Please read this speech to them!" Udurawana started reading aloud. Other than for a few
mistakes in pronouncing, things were okay for a few minutes. Then, suddenly, Udurawana shouted: " Patto!"
The
audience got a bit excited, but Udurawana continued
to read as if nothing happened. After another few minutes, another loud "Patto!" was heard. Udurawana's
secretary wanted to find out the reason for this,so he carefully followed the written speech. And he
found that..... UDURAWANA WAS READING THE 'P.T.O.' AS PATTO!
***************************************************************
During
the conference lunch break, Udurawana dropped in at a
restaurant with an English friend. The friend ordered a Fanta
and our Udurawana ordered a Coke. The Suddah friend sipped the Fanta
and said, "Aaah..... Fantastic...."
Our
friend Udurawana sipped the Coke and yelled, "Aaaaaaah.....Cockastic...."
***************************************************************
Udurawana went to play tennis with another
delegate. He was playing after some time and most of his shots ended up hitting
the net.
The
opponent shouted " Hey mate, your balls are too
low ! "
Udurawana replied " Don't you know
these Sri Lankan Velona underwears!, must go to M.C and buy some good crocodile ones ! ".
***************************************************************
It
was a chilly day and as he wanted to warm himself up, he went to a PUB. He saw
two Englishmen sitting near the counter and joined them.
The
first Englishmen said to the bar man "JOHNNY WALKER, single"
The
Bar man served him. The second Englishmen said "JACK DANIEL, single".
The
Bar man served him too.
Now
it was Udurawana's turn and he said: "HEEN BANDA
UDURAWANA, MARRIED" !!!
***************************************************************
Udurawana gets ready
,wears a tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits
on the branch regularly.
A man asks why he does this.
Udurawana:"I've been promoted as branch
manager."
***************************************************************
Once Udurawana
professor asked a plumber to come to his college. Because he wanted to check
where the question paper is leaking...
***************************************************************
Udurawana: I haven't slept all night in
the train.
Friend: why ?
Udurawana: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn't you
exchange?
Udurawana: Oye,
there was nobody to exchange with in the lower berth..
***************************************************************
The teacher lecturing on
population -
In India, after every 10
sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
Udurawana stands up - we must find
& stop her!.
***************************************************************
Udurawana -why are all these people
running?
Man- This is a race, the
winner will get the cup.
Udurawana - If only the winner will get
the cup, why are others
running?
***************************************************************
Teacher: "I killed a
person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Udurawana: The future tense is
"you will go to jail".
***************************************************************
Udurawana found the answer to the most
difficult question ever –
"What comes first, the
Chicken or the egg?
"Aiyooo, what ever you order first will come first."
***************************************************************
Udurawana wins 20 Million Rupees from a
Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11 Million after
deducting tax.
Angry Udurawana: "Give me 20 Million or else return my 20
Rupees back.!"
***************************************************************
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver you this Packet.
Udurawana:- Why did you come so far?
Instead you could have posted it....
***************************************************************
Udurawana proposed to a Girl......Girl
said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'...........
Udurawana said 'OK No Problem Chandra,
I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
***************************************************************
Udurawana's wish - When I die, I wanna die like my grandpa, who died
peacefuly in his sleep not screaming
like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
***************************************************************
Udurawana at an
Art dealer: I beg your
pardon sir, that's a mirror!
***************************************************************
A man asked Udurawana, why Mahinda Rajapaksha goes walking at evening
and not in the morning.
Udurawana replied ''aiyooo
Mahinda Rajapaksha is PM,
not AM''.
***************************************************************
Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Udurawana
: 13th October
Which year?
Udurawana
: EVERY YEAR
***************************************************************
Manager asked Udurawana at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Udurawana replyed:
-P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
***************************************************************
After returning back from a foreign trip, Udurawana
asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Udurawana
: In
***************************************************************
One
tourist from
"Any great man born in this village???"
Udurawana
: no sir, only small Babies!!!
***************************************************************
In
the university, lecturer asked to write a note on "Buddha Jayanthi"
So Udurawana writes, "Buddha was born in
***************************************************************
Udurawana was doing experiment with
cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK.
WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg
and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same.
At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk!
But cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly Udurawana said loudly, "I found it. If
we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
***************************************************************
On
a political rally Udurawana was arrested.
Why???
A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" and He did it..
***************************************************************
When
Udurawana was traveling with his wife in a three wheeler , the driver adjusted mirror.
Udurawana shouted, "You are trying to see my
wife? Sit back. I will drive.
***************************************************************
Interviewer:
just imagine your in 3 rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Udurawana
: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
***************************************************************