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(NOTE : this was probably the first diary type thing i ever wrote . . although at the time it wasn't a diary entry, simply a text file i wrote)
(26-10-2000) It was today I realised I was ordianary. Not special, not gifted, not particularly much of anything. If I am unique in my own special way - its being ordinary. Maybe I can ride a unicycle which is not all the ordinary, but I can't do it well, there are other FAR better than me. I will never be a world leader, I will never be a great sportsman, I will never find the cure for cancer, and I will never paint the next monalisa. What ever happened to that feeling that with a little bit of practise I could and would be the best in the world. Where did my enthusiam for life go? I still think, breath and move yet something is missing. I can't DJ I can't sing I can't become a sniper I can't live in 3500 I can't eradicate world hunger I can't do magic I can't move into my own flat and I can't draw well Yet it doesn't matter. I CAN live a happy life, I can find my soul mate, I can have fun on friday nights and I can have children. With all the people in the world how can I be expected to be special. Why is it so bad to be ordianary in our society? My life is great, yet there is nothing particularly special about it and there doesn't need to be. I live in the best country in the world I have parents who are still together I have friends and I have lots of cash. Maybe I am missing a romantic interest at this point but that does not really give me room to complain. Who am I to say that this is a crappy life? I think that with things listed above I would be in the top .001% of the world. There are so many people who don't have what I have, and yet I sit here and sometimes feel sorry for myself. Yes, I have an english exam tomorrow that makes up for about 80% of my years mark and I happen to be dislexic, but that doesn't have to rule my whole life. If I fail, life will not end. That doesn't mean I want to fail, or that it will be fun - but there is no reason why it can't be a "learning experience" in how not to do english exams. But hey, I guess its human nature to want more. But I am going to try to screw human nature for all its got!!! I DON"T WANT MORE. I am going to try to be happy with what I got. Its not bad at all. So happy! happy! happy! |