ramblings

I ramble and vent a lot, and sometimes it takes on an almost-poetic nature. I call them "poetic ramblings" (isn't that dripping with creativity?)

You made your wings,
And helped me make mine,
You bought the books,
And stole some of them too,
As did I.
And we were fairies together,
In our own world,
With mermaids combing their hair,
Pegasis flying everywhere,
Atlantis was our paradise,
We flew over everyone,
Our wings shimmering,
Leaving behind a trail of glitter and ice,
We were fairie princesses.

You accuse me of being gay,
As if that's the problem,
Instead of being the solution.
You accuse me of taking drugs,
As if I'd want to alter my reality,
I do - but you gave me this reality.
You accuse me of being fat,
As though I don't already think that,
Because I need more people to lower my self esteem.
You accuse me of not having a problem,
As if my scars don't represent a problem,
You thought I was doing it for attention anyway.
You accuse me of being a whore,
As if sex and nudity are things to be ashamed of,
Oh right, I'm the one with bad judgment.
You are my family.

You ask me if it's true,
If I am what they say I am,
Although I never find out who 'they' are.
I tell you yes, I am,
Gender isn't important to me,
You say "that's cool, it doesn't matter",
If it really didn't matter,
Then why did you ask in the first place?
You tell me I've changed,
You call me a whore,
Although you are the one,
Who hooked up with over 50 guys,
In six months.
You laugh at my insecurities,
About having sex,
And my partner wishing I was someone else,
You ask me, "Can't you see how beautiful you are?"
You laugh at my corny jokes,
And told me I was funny (yeah right!),
You listened about my infatuations,
My worries, concerns, and fears,
You were my friends.

I turn on my Winamp,
And pull out an old playlist,
Full of LFO, BBMak, and swing songs.
Each chord and note,
Each line and word,
Brings back memories,
And suddenly I understand it all,
And suddenly I know how you felt,
Because you listened to the same songs.
I know why you acted the way you did,
And made the choices you made,
It was written in the lyrics all along,
Of how it would be,
And how it could have been.
Is there a chance we can be?
Love is unpredictable,
I would die to hold her,
I walk the streets at night,
See lovers passing by,
And it's all a reminder,
I'm not in love,
What makes you think you made me fall?
I delete them all,
Because this is the past,
That I need to stop clinging to.