poems

Ignorant Fool

I'm sure that you don't mean to be,
Everything that you are,
Rude, cruel, mean, judgmental, uncarring,
And everything else that I forgot.
I'm sure it's not your fault,
That you are,
Ignorant, undeducated, a hypocrite,
Hardly worth a thought.
I'm sure that you never meant,
To spill my blood or my tears,
But it happened anyway.
I'm sure that you'll never be,
All that I aspire to be,
I'm sure you'll never have,
All that I've worked to have.
You lack everything that I am:
Caring, compassionate, with strength
and determination,
And all else that is a part of me.
Because I know this,
I smirk and laugh,
In ten years you'll ask,
"Do you want fries with that?"
As I drive away in my new car,
Leaving behind yet another close-minded
fool from my past,
Not to be remembered.

What I Left Behind

I look into your eyes,
And wonder why they never seemed so blue,
Before they answer I turn away,
For I am weak and can't stand the pain.
I saw inside of them the look of someone,
Who had hurt his love,
And been hurt even worse.
I feel the cold hard tabletop,
Beneath my sitting form,
Why didn't it feel so cold and hard before?
Oh that's right, I was too in love to notice.
The wind whips my long hair against my face,
I wonder, momentarily, if you sent it here to slap me.
No no, you wouldn't do that to me.
My pant leg is raised, my ankle exposed,
I angrily shove it down,
Hiding the words I carved there last night.
I reach out and save a small slip of paper,
Before the wind could carry it into the cruel world,
The same way you once saved me.
The fortune cookie paper says "Make yourelf happy first, then worry about others."
This is my cue.
I hand you the paper as I stand to leave,
And cover my wrists with my shirt sleeve,
Hiding my old scars,
Because I know you hated that side of me.
I want to say I'm sorry, and run into your arms,
I need to crumble before you,
And let you pick up my broken pieces,
Instead I stand tall,
Despite my anger, my pain, my sorrow, my shame,
You grab me,
Pull me into an embrace,
But I pull loose and walk away.

Life On A Cloud

You say I live on a cloud,
Like you want me to live on earth,
In this cruel cruel world,
With the likes of yourself.

You tell me,
That I'm weak and I'll fall,
And I won't last in this "real world",
That you bitterly recall.

So I leave my cloud,
Every now and then,
And on my visit here,
The cruel earthlings cut me with a blade,
Or do I cut myself?

I want to go to my cloud,
And let reality fade away,
Yet you constantly bring me down,
And chain my spirit to the earth.

I have no choice,
I must hurt myself,
This is what your so-called reality,
Does to my stormy soul.

One day you'll see,
What it is you do to me,
And you'll send me to my cloud,
But it's already too late.

Aja

Aja, you can't be gone,
No, you didn't die,
No, you didn't swallow those pills,
No, you didn't take your life.

Because I need you too much,
I need you to hold me,
I cared so much for you,
But you just didn't see.

You were the one,
Who knew it all,
You were the only one,
Who accepted me whole.

You were the one who helped me so much,
You were the one who gave me a crown,
But the one time you needed me,
I let you down.

You can't take that away from me,
You were my light,
Leading the way for me,
Shining so bright.

A warm gentle person,
Full of happiness and tears,
Beauty beyond your face,
Wise beyond your years.

The world will be so cold now,
So hard and so bare,
Without you taking my hand,
Without you leading me there.

You were my one true family,
My sister, aunt, and mom,
The world is against me now,
Now that you're gone.

Drunk From Your Anti Love

I'm drunk off the love,
That you didn't provide,
I hug myself for all those times,
That you didn't hug me.

You weren't outright horrible,
Or actively bad,
But you helped to hurt me,
And then you let me hurt myself.

You didn't see the scars on my body,
The food I didn't eat,
The sleep I could never reach,
The headaches that always came.

They weren't your problems,
So why would you care?
You'd never think that you gave them to me,
Or that I was so stressed and sad and angry.

You never came to a swim meet,
Or a synchro meet,
Or a dance performance,
Or a soccer game.

You're sad that I don't have your morals,
But it's because I try so hard to be unlike you,
And I've met people that I admire and respect,
They helped me shape my morals,
They helped me shape myself.

You wonder where you went wrong,
Because you gave me this and you gave me that,
And you worked so many hours,
To provide the things I never wanted.

And you didn't give a shit,
About what was important to me,
You never cared enough,
To even find out waht that was.

Now I'm 14 and you try to hug me,
But I pull away,
I can't stand your arms around me,
Or your acrid breath on my cheek.

But you want to spend time with me now,
You won't listen to me say no,
You want to see me dance now,
But I'll die before I let you.

You haven't learned that,
A little too much, a little too late,
Never changed anything,
And I'll never talk to you once I leave.