A Cowboy’s Lament
I’m riding on my horsie
And we are both so happy.
We’re herding all my cattle
They’re putting up a battle.
The dust is rising so high
The sun is hot in the sky.
My kerchief is on my face
And all is in the right place.
The bull’s horns are a shaking
And I know what he’s thinking.
He’s thinking most of mating
Thus his role reinstating.
The cows here are all dropping
Their poop, and I am spotting
Their calves as they run away
So that they can bit more play.
My old dog, he’s called ‘Yeller’
Is a bit of a heller
Stray calves he’s always chasing
Each night he’s out carousing.
He’s got so many pups now
That neighbours will not allow
Him around their own bitch
‘Cause of his sexual itch.
My ass is getting real sore
And if I was not so poor
I’d shoot these cattle damn quick
Another life I would pick.
No more riding herd then
Instead I’d work with real men
In a fancy office
With a new desk, I guess.
I’d have a sexy lady
And yes, a chauffeur, maybe
I soon would start an affair
With a gal with long hair.
I’d never have to eat dirt
And with my staff I’d be curt.
They soon would learn to fear me
And I would be so happy.
I’d wear a new suit each day
And each evening I would play.
A lady draped on each arm
Trying to show me her charm.
I know that I would eat well
‘Cause I would just my cook tell
Exactly what I wanted
And she would get it started.
My house would be so fancy
That all my friends would envy
My place in this great company
And that would make me happy.
Each evening a bath I’d take
My maid would make no mistake
The bath would be hot, fragrant
With powders my gals had sent.
Oh well, I guess I’m dreaming
And I best stop this scheming.
I only have this herd here
And that is all, I do fear.
This dirt, this shit, this damn sweat
And all the gophers I’ve met
Are all the future I see
So this must make me happy.
And if I can be honest
I guess, for me, this is best
‘Cause I am just a cowboy
And this what I enjoy.
Dave C. Moore
C: Pixie~Elf Productions
June 10, 2000
