| Sitting, Breathing, Smiling, Screaming, Writhing, Shaking, Grasping, Losing... Living
Sitting here, alone... "my biself"... by myself... by, self, my...? ... my alone self... what's right? There isn't a right, it's what we've been taught to believe, forced to belief, beaten and slapped and kicked and punched and prodded to believe... prodded and poked and laughed at and left alone, to die alone, because they had already given us EXACTLY what we needed, and we still didn't come out right... we still didn't do exactly as they had expected us to, so we are the "outcasts" we are the "castoffs" we are... nothing... right? I sit in darkness and I try my best to calm myself, try my best to BE myself... try my best to "Who's there!?" To call to myself, but there is never an answer. No... why in the world would there EVER be an answer? That's just stupid... THAT just doesn't make sense, now, does it? An actual ANSWER to a question... who would ever expect that to happen? Straight-forward answer... Yes, of course, they're the only ones who get those kinds of answers, right? While we're stuck here... in darkness, trying to realize for ourselves, because nothing is ever given to US is it? But it is, people just don't realize it... people just SWEAR that the world OWES them something... when it doesn't... when did it ever? So I sit here, breathing quietly, trying to hope... trying to tell myself to stop... trying to tell him to stop, "Who?" Who? "WHO!?" So I sit here, breathing quietly, trying to hope, trying to get it all to stop, and it doesn't. So I have to deal with it, just like 15million other kids my age, trying to deal with life, so I do, and I deal, and I "get over it", because that's what I do, ya kno? "Ya Kno?" So childish... so like "YOU", why do you hide behind this immature facade? Why do you think that honestly, the world will be less harsh just because you're a child? Or maybe, something happened, you can't just let go, can you? "SHUT UP!!!" Just forget it, that's best, everyone knows that... just forget, forget and smile. Just smile, no one ever knows anything wrong if you just laugh and grin and just sit there. Sit there and breathe quietly, so that no one hears you, and no one's attention is caught. Just sit there breathing and smiling, because then, no one will mistake you for a failure, because everything will be ok. Yet inside, you aren't smiling... most people aren't. Those who ARE actually smiling... they just don't know. They are blissfully ignorant, but that's life. Some people CAN just sit there in ignorance, not really realizing the truth. What is the truth? The truth is, you are a sad, lonely little boy, asleep in darkness, screaming in darkness, alone in the darkness, and no one will wake you up. You sit there, breathing quietly, smiling, hoping no one realizes that inside, you are screaming to break free... screaming to get out... screaming... just screaming... But no. You smile, and the light comes, and the day breaks, and dawn arrives, and happiness fills your heart and you are writhing in a pit of everlasting cold and eternal darkness and pain and no one cares and no one loves and no one understands and everyone walks ALL over you, ALL oVER yOu... who cares? That's life, no one cares. You can be the NICEST person in the world, and it wouldn't matter, now, would it? No, of course not, because we are TAUGHT to walk all over those who let us... so you do. You sit there, breathing quietly, and smiling, while inside you scream. You scream the loudest your thoughts can muster, but no one can hear them. No one notices that within your own body, you are writing in pain and agony, because no one sees that they've hurt you... NO ONE... but why should they? That's just stupid... they have no reason to... you've only given them EVERYTHING... why should they care? They don't... or do they? Do they actually sit there sometimes, and just think back to you? Think back to the person who actually made life just a little... made life just a LITTLE worth living... just a little bit... do they? "Do you even care?" Ha! No. But it doesn't really matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. You're over it. You've learned to deal with it. Everyone has. That's life. That's how the world is percieved: through pain and agony and utter torment. People learn to push the pain to others, so that others can learn the same things in life. People purposefully sit there, and they beat others... People learn to give others pain, so that others can learn to soon ignore all the pain... people sit there and they beat you... so you can learn to ignore it. People come and they go... they cum and they go... they take you, and they rape you, and they go, because that's life... that's what people have to go through... that's just what EVERYONE will have to go through some day... right? No, but it's what SOME have to go through. People come and they tear you apart, and they kick you and beat you and hurt you... because EVERYONE has to experience that, right? No, but it's what SOME have to go through, and that's enough. You'll be taken, and they'll sit there and whisper and touch, and say not to make a noise, and they'll expect you to act a certain way... and you do... only because by now... you HAVE learned to ignore it... So now, you CAN go through life with a smile, because you've learned to ignore it all and forget about it all and just be completely OBLIVIOUS to it all... so why am I shaking? Why won't I stop shaking? Is it my condition? If I don't eat, I'll start shaking... maybe I should ea--- oh.. I just did, didn't I? So why am I still shaking? Why do they... do they keep coming back? Why can't I forget? I sit here, breathing softly, smiling to myself that that youth kid walking by will soon have to endure the exact same pain I endured... and inside, I'm screaming because I want to stop him... my insides are writhing in discomfort, because they keep telling me to grab him... or kill him... because he'll soon meet with things MUCH worse than death... I'm shaking, because I keep telling myself no... I drop the knife... what knife? I didn't HAVE a knife... it was a pen... why did I have a pen? I was writing something. What was I writing? A poem? This was supposed to be a poem!? I sit in the darkness... I breathe the cold air... I smile in hopes that... in hopes that I'll be found... but I'm not... I scream to be let out, that somebody will hear me, but they don't. I writhe against these restraints... these bonds... Shaking in fear... what will happen to me? I grasp at whomever I can reach, but no one is there... no one is there... no one... I've lost it all... I've lost everyone... I've lost everything... what's the use? "The use is... that's life. You're living it, and despite what anyone else tells you... that's just life." I'm sitting here, breathing. I'm calmly telling myself to calm down, and I do. So I start to smile. I ignore the screams within my own head to stop... screams that it shouldn't be that way... I shouldn't let it happen... shouldn't let it be that way... but I don't want to be alone... the pain comes, and within, I begin to writhe in pain... I begin to convulse... I begin to... to calm down. I smile, and my hand begins to shake, so I put it in my pocket. With my other hand, I reach out to grasp him, and he's there, so I breathe a sigh of relief. At least I didn't lose him... at least I'm not losing HIM... he's still here, so I let out another small smile. Here I am... I'm living. |
| Sitting, Breathing, Smiling, Screaming, Writhing, Shaking, Grasping, Losing... Living
Sitting here, alone... "my biself"... by myself... by, self, my...? ... my alone self... what's right? There isn't a right, it's what we've been taught to believe, forced to belief, beaten and slapped and kicked and punched and prodded to believe... prodded and poked and laughed at and left alone, to die alone, because they had already given us EXACTLY what we needed, and we still didn't come out right... we still didn't do exactly as they had expected us to, so we are the "outcasts" we are the "castoffs" we are... nothing... right? I sit in darkness and I try my best to calm myself, try my best to BE myself... try my best to "Who's there!?" To call to myself, but there is never an answer. No... why in the world would there EVER be an answer? That's just stupid... THAT just doesn't make sense, now, does it? An actual ANSWER to a question... who would ever expect that to happen? Straight-forward answer... Yes, of course, they're the only ones who get those kinds of answers, right? While we're stuck here... in darkness, trying to realize for ourselves, because nothing is ever given to US is it? But it is, people just don't realize it... people just SWEAR that the world OWES them something... when it doesn't... when did it ever? So I sit here, breathing quietly, trying to hope... trying to tell myself to stop... trying to tell him to stop, "Who?" Who? "WHO!?" So I sit here, breathing quietly, trying to hope, trying to get it all to stop, and it doesn't. So I have to deal with it, just like 15million other kids my age, trying to deal with life, so I do, and I deal, and I "get over it", because that's what I do, ya kno? "Ya Kno?" So childish... so like "YOU", why do you hide behind this immature facade? Why do you think that honestly, the world will be less harsh just because you're a child? Or maybe, something happened, you can't just let go, can you? "SHUT UP!!!" Just forget it, that's best, everyone knows that... just forget, forget and smile. Just smile, no one ever knows anything wrong if you just laugh and grin and just sit there. Sit there and breathe quietly, so that no one hears you, and no one's attention is caught. Just sit there breathing and smiling, because then, no one will mistake you for a failure, because everything will be ok. Yet inside, you aren't smiling... most people aren't. Those who ARE actually smiling... they just don't know. They are blissfully ignorant, but that's life. Some people CAN just sit there in ignorance, not really realizing the truth. What is the truth? The truth is, you are a sad, lonely little boy, asleep in darkness, screaming in darkness, alone in the darkness, and no one will wake you up. You sit there, breathing quietly, smiling, hoping no one realizes that inside, you are screaming to break free... screaming to get out... screaming... just screaming... But no. You smile, and the light comes, and the day breaks, and dawn arrives, and happiness fills your heart and you are writhing in a pit of everlasting cold and eternal darkness and pain and no one cares and no one loves and no one understands and everyone walks ALL over you, ALL oVER yOu... who cares? That's life, no one cares. You can be the NICEST person in the world, and it wouldn't matter, now, would it? No, of course not, because we are TAUGHT to walk all over those who let us... so you do. You sit there, breathing quietly, and smiling, while inside you scream. You scream the loudest your thoughts can muster, but no one can hear them. No one notices that within your own body, you are writing in pain and agony, because no one sees that they've hurt you... NO ONE... but why should they? That's just stupid... they have no reason to... you've only given them EVERYTHING... why should they care? They don't... or do they? Do they actually sit there sometimes, and just think back to you? Think back to the person who actually made life just a little... made life just a LITTLE worth living... just a little bit... do they? "Do you even care?" Ha! No. But it doesn't really matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. You're over it. You've learned to deal with it. Everyone has. That's life. That's how the world is percieved: through pain and agony and utter torment. People learn to push the pain to others, so that others can learn the same things in life. People purposefully sit there, and they beat others... People learn to give others pain, so that others can learn to soon ignore all the pain... people sit there and they beat you... so you can learn to ignore it. People come and they go... they cum and they go... they take you, and they rape you, and they go, because that's life... that's what people have to go through... that's just what EVERYONE will have to go through some day... right? No, but it's what SOME have to go through. People come and they tear you apart, and they kick you and beat you and hurt you... because EVERYONE has to experience that, right? No, but it's what SOME have to go through, and that's enough. You'll be taken, and they'll sit there and whisper and touch, and say not to make a noise, and they'll expect you to act a certain way... and you do... only because by now... you HAVE learned to ignore it... So now, you CAN go through life with a smile, because you've learned to ignore it all and forget about it all and just be completely OBLIVIOUS to it all... so why am I shaking? Why won't I stop shaking? Is it my condition? If I don't eat, I'll start shaking... maybe I should ea--- oh.. I just did, didn't I? So why am I still shaking? Why do they... do they keep coming back? Why can't I forget? I sit here, breathing softly, smiling to myself that that youth kid walking by will soon have to endure the exact same pain I endured... and inside, I'm screaming because I want to stop him... my insides are writhing in discomfort, because they keep telling me to grab him... or kill him... because he'll soon meet with things MUCH worse than death... I'm shaking, because I keep telling myself no... I drop the knife... what knife? I didn't HAVE a knife... it was a pen... why did I have a pen? I was writing something. What was I writing? A poem? This was supposed to be a poem!? I sit in the darkness... I breathe the cold air... I smile in hopes that... in hopes that I'll be found... but I'm not... I scream to be let out, that somebody will hear me, but they don't. I writhe against these restraints... these bonds... Shaking in fear... what will happen to me? I grasp at whomever I can reach, but no one is there... no one is there... no one... I've lost it all... I've lost everyone... I've lost everything... what's the use? "The use is... that's life. You're living it, and despite what anyone else tells you... that's just life." I'm sitting here, breathing. I'm calmly telling myself to calm down, and I do. So I start to smile. I ignore the screams within my own head to stop... screams that it shouldn't be that way... I shouldn't let it happen... shouldn't let it be that way... but I don't want to be alone... the pain comes, and within, I begin to writhe in pain... I begin to convulse... I begin to... to calm down. I smile, and my hand begins to shake, so I put it in my pocket. With my other hand, I reach out to grasp him, and he's there, so I breathe a sigh of relief. At least I didn't lose him... at least I'm not losing HIM... he's still here, so I let out another small smile. Here I am... I'm living. |
| Sitting, Breathing, Smiling, Screaming, Writhing, Shaking, Grasping, Losing... Living |