Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you
get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on
this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

_________________________

Understanding Engineers - Take Two
 

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

_________________________

Understanding Engineers - Take Three
 

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say,
what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The
greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The
pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The
engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

______________________

Understanding Engineers - Take Four
 

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

________________________

Understanding Engineers - Take Five
 

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts
degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

__________________________

Understanding Engineers - Take Six
 

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last
one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

_______________________

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
 

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers
believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

_____________________

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
 

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you
are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get
some work done."

____________

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
 

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and
put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said,
"Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking
frog, now that's cool."