I've been keeping my eye on Cathy-MD's journal on COPD2. Some of the stuff she said scared me but today she said she's feeling pretty darn good and the pain from the drains is minimizing daily. That is good.
9/26/06
'Tis the night before Dr. Cooper...and I'm nervous as all get out. Not nervous to talk to him but scared of what he's going to say. I am NOT brave enough to go through with this operation even if I am qualified. Chris, Colleen, BJ and Wes have been backing me up so well and right now I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm SCARED. I've just got to sit myself down and remind myself that tomorrow is JUST the talking part...not an operation, for pete's sake. Can't breathe...gotta' go get me an ativan and go to bed.
If there was an absolute guarantee that if I go through with the operation, I WILL awake at the end, I don't think I'd be as worried. I'm not afraid of the operation but I sure am working myself into a tizzy worrying about SURVIVING the operation. Gad, and I'm supposed to be the calm one. This is so stupid. I don't think I will include this particular part in my posted journal 'cause it is dumb but it surely helps me to "talk" about it now.
I DID start a list of questions to ask if YES and if NO.
And I'm sitting here crying. What in the world happened to the "brave Penny" I used to be? Do we lose our courage as we age? No, I don't think so. I think we tend to be a bit afraid of the unknown is all. And, we're more aware of our own mortality. Like I said, if I KNEW I was going to come out of the anesthesia, I wouldn't be bothered at all. Well, now my nose is running so I'd best go play a game on the 'puter and hit the sack.
