Neighbor from Hell
If their crap is stinking up your place, their cats won't stay off your porch, they blare music at all hours of the night or they just suck
in general, what can you do to get back (or rid) of annoying neighbors?
Try a couple of these things and see what happens.
Borrow things and never return them. Not just snow shovels,
borrow their couch.
Seriously hit on any female living there. Especially if it's
the neighbor's wife. Ask him how sturdy his relationship with her
is.
Teach your pets to crap in their yard.
Teach yourself to crap in their yard.
Park your car in their yard at 4 a.m. and leave your brights on facing
their bedroom window.
Mow your yard/leaf blow/weed whack at 5 a.m. on a Saturday morning.
Sing really loudly while you're doing it.
Place 150 lawn ornaments in your yard then one night, have all of
them mysteriously appear in your neighbor's yard.
Toss all your pot seeds into the neighbor's yard. If anything
grows, call the cops on them.
Set off fireworks 365 days a year.
Become a Jehovah's Witness. On your daily bike riding/recruiting
session, make sure to always stop by your neighbor's place
first.
Sign up for junk mail using their name and address.
Kidnap their pets. Send ransom letters. Sign the letters
with your own name.
"Spy" on them.
Invite them over for dinner, then not be home.
Build a 24-foot cement security wall all the way around your house.
Throw your trash over it into their yard and say the wind blew it over
there.
from The Wild Side, August 2001
back to fun stuff