Lightbulb Jokes

How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to screw in the new bulb and four to talk about how much they'll miss the old one.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and one not to change it.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bathtub.

How many telemarketers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but they have to do it while you are eating dinner.

How many reference librarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, I'll have to check on that and get back to you.

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to change it and three to complain that it's electric.

How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes nine visits.

How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but it really gets screwed.

How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side.

How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change?! My grandfather gave me that lightbulb!

How many dear mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Don't mind me. I'll just sit in the dark.

How many lonely guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but he wishes it was two. Anyone?....Please?

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(yelling)"You don't know! You weren't there, man!"

How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?
You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature it will go out again.

How many evolutionary scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Given enough time and random chance events, the lightbulb will screw itself in.

How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifteen: one to hold the bulb and the rest to drink whiskey until the room spins.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to change it and one not to change it.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change it and fifteen to form a support group.

How many I.B.M. engineers does it take to change a burnt light bulb?
None. They merely change the standard to darkness and upgrade the customers.

How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb???
Six.
Why?
It just does, okay?

How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark.

How many advertising execs does it take to change a light bulb?
Interesting question. What do you think?

How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes ten years.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None - that's a hardware problem.

How many surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. You don't need it out today, but if it continues to give you trouble in the future, you should consider removing it.

How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five:1 to screw in the lightbulb and four to organize the potluck supper in memory of the old one.

How many plumbers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They're not in the business.

How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3 - 1 to look it up in the manual; 1 to change the casing; 1 to change the bulb.

How many Virginians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to actually replace it and three to stand around and talk in hushed and reverent tones about how wonderful the old one was.

How many members of the Starship Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the engineering section is burnt out. Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the light bulb dead. Scotty complains that with the light bulb dead, he can't see to tend to the engines. So Kirk must make an emergency stop on the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, and procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers are beamed down to the surface of the planet. The 3 security officers are immediately killed, and the rest of the landing party are captured.  Meanwhile, back on the Enterprise, Scotty detects a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to avoid detection. Back on Alpha Regula IV, Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and, as a reward, the landing party is given all the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty, having crippled the Klingon ship, arrives back in orbit just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. and the U.S.S. Enterprise continues with her 5 year mission.

How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn’t matter. Nobody will notice anyway.

How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
3...no, make that 4...on second thought 3... well, better make it 5 just to be safe.

How many stage managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
I DON’T CARE!!! JUST DO IT!!!

How many lighting designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Where’s my assistant?

How many audience members does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and another to say, "ROSE, HE’S CHANGING THE LIGHT BULB."

How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A tree in a golden forest.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
one

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one: but it takes a long time, is very expensive, and the lightbulb really has to want to change.

How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the market will do it.

How many art students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but he gets two credits.

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.  One to screw in the lighbulb, and one to hold his penis, I mean the ladder.

How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.  One to bulb in the screw, and another to ladder the hold.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I need a new apartment."

How many right-to-lifers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. Two to screw in the new bulb and four to testify that light began while they were screwing.

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five; one to actually do it and four to share the experience.

How many French people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there.

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