70 Fun Things To Do

  1. Drum on every available surface.
  2. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
  3. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  4. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
  5. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
  6. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
  7. Set alarms for random times.
  8. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
  9. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
  10. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
  11. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
  12. Honk and wave to strangers.
  13. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
  14. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
  15. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
  16. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
  17. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
  18. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
  19. only type in lowercase.
  20. dont use any punctuation either
  21. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  22. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
  23. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
  24. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
  25. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
  26. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
  27. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
  28. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
  29. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
  30. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
  31. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
  32. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
  33. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  34. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
  35. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
  36. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
  37. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
  38. Name your dog "Dog".
  39. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
  40. Ask people what gender they are.
  41. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
  42. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
  43. Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
  44. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
  45. Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
  46. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
  47. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers'brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
  48. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  49. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
  50. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  51. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
  52. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book.
  53. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
  54. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
  55. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
  56. Wear a LOT of cologne.
  57. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
  58. Sing along at the opera.
  59. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
  60. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
  61. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  62. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
  63. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
  64. Never make eye contact.
  65. Never break eye contact.
  66. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
  67. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
  68. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
  69. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  70. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

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