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Loneliness is death; it brings your happiness to coke and meth. It takes your wings and fails your test. Your hopes and dreams soon are forgotten, and the only thing that lingers is the thought of death. I keep pushing but can find the truth, maybe this is life's joke with you, that through and through, all the life's work you blew, because there is not truth but the one I tell you. You walk and fall, and that is all, along the way you have good days, but in the end, it's your life you pay. You go through the motions tell your life gets taken away. I brought that out, like the sun brings its rays, but the only reason you never heard it, cuz its not to pretty that way. You would rather hear the lies; it's a lot easier that way. Memberin back on the life I used to live, you keep watchin, and it becomes addictive. Shit just kept turning wicked, after a while I got my lickin. Fuck man, why the hell did it turn out like that? It makes me angry that I keep getting attacked. God had it out for me since day one, he grabbed the scissors and clipped my tongue, makin sure that I wasn't the one, showing people truth like the chosen one, so instead you fuck me over day and day out, making sure that no one can hear a fucking shout. What's wrong and what's right? You seem to have the law of morality in you life, you have been given the gift to kill and show people the light. My opinion is you not right, you're not just, and you're someone who used us to fight. You used us like your slaves in your spite. Every night I sat and tried to recite, a prayer that would please you and your angelic peers, and you never listened to the pain behind the tears, your tore me down year after year, and all I would hear, was to be thankful for all that you have done in my life, my life? Where were you when I contemplated with my knife, where were you when I popped too many to take my life, where were you when my mother was no longer a wife, where were you when I didn't fit in and wasn't the perfect type? And I should thank you? For everything you laid down to cure my blues? Fuck you! Why do you get the credit when shit goes right, but when things turn bad, your nowhere in sight? Why is it me that is always left to fight, alone and scared, but willing to go on day and night, cuz damn, that's all I lived with my whole life! And you get the credit when you take me out of my life living strife? You have let me break myself, you have let the damage unfold, it's all about the control, and I knew that's always the toll, one power trip for the next. |
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I think back to the times that I could hold a smile on my face. When I felt like I had won the race, that I kept up with the pace, and I deserved first place. Times when I could hold someone in my arms, and love them so dear. Look in my eyes, and you couldn't see the fear, times when I could look around and see all my loved ones near. It was the first time I could smile back at the women in the mirror, |
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Then out the fucking blue, you seem to pull through, through shit back in my face, I am done with you! You kill him, you rape her, throw me in the gutter, I go back to being a cutter. Everyone leaves me, and you convince me that I am the reason I will never quite be, that happy girl in a world where she feels free.. That's its me that holds those capabilities back like dog infested with flees, like a prostitute that can never please. I will always hold them close to my heart, I will never let the memories part, if that were to happen, nothing would be keeping me and death apart, back in the race and waiting for the race to start. I will run and somehow manage to win, but it will only be within a few moments of life, I roll the dice, and back again, to that same old knife, that pain that makes me hate this life. Soon it will come, this life can't be won. There is not truth behind these tears, only motions of pain that stays inside my fear. |
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