A. Re-learn this, so that I can update !
1. Getting a job. Obviously, since at 45, I'm too young to retire, I need to get a job in order to support my son and myself. I don't have any great aspirations - I want a full-time clerical job, hopefully with some variety and some stability, and a salary high enough that we can afford to live on it.
2. Losing weight and getting healthier. I started Weight Watchers in April, 2000 at 236 lbs (107 kg). This was an unhealthy BMI. I would huff and puff if walking up stairs. I take 3 drugs daily for high blood pressure and 1 for an underactive thyroid. My fingers and hands were becoming numb more and more often, and I was worrying about stroke. My parents both had hypertension, my dad spent the last 6 years of his life disabled and unable to speak after a stroke, and both parents died early, within 6 months of each other (Dad at 59, Mom at 66). I've just been tested for carpal tunnel syndrome, but it has caused quite a few worrisome moments.
3. Having a loving, healthy relationship. I left my son's father, after 6 years of living common-law, when Mark was 1 year old. We would not have made it much longer, so even though we loved each other, it was for the best. I did not want my son growing up in a battlefield.. Yvon died when Mark was three. In the 13 years after that, I had only a couple of dates. I'm not interested in going out to bars. I was a homebody, dedicated to working, and looking after my son. I basically had 13 years of celibacy. It's amazing what someone can get used to. In my young, oversexed days, if anyone had told me I could be celibate for 13 years, I would never have believed it ! However, I met a friend of my older brother's, a widower who is 15 years older than I am. I had met him once briefly, a couple of years ago, and he seemed pleasant enough. Now I saw him again, he said he is interested in seeing women again, and would I go out with him. I said yes, and we hit it off right away, and have been together ever since. It's now been 7 � months, and we keep getting closer. But I worry about screwing it up. Unlike most men, he does not have a problem with commitment. He told me after very little time that he loves me. (No surprise there, I'm a very loveable person!) And he wants a commitment, and wants to be together. I'm just afraid that after my bad track record, and all these years of being alone, that I'll do something, or not do something, or be too insecure, or not trust in us, or Lord knows what.... No one has ever wanted to marry me before, or to make such a commitment, and I guess I'm just so insecure, I'm afraid I won't be able to handle a good thing when I have it. I know, I sound crazy - I don't know how to describe what I feel - I just pray to God that he helps me keep what I have.
4. Uncluttering this house. Everything is so messy - even when it's clean, it's messy. I like to see a magazine or a show with modern interior decorating, clean lines, simple furniture, everything in its place. Things Japanese appeal to me for that reason (including the gardens). It gives you such a serene feeling. I just know I would feel so much less stressed if I could walk into the house, and not see a mess. But what can I say. Firstly, we're packrats. Secondly, I am too frugal to throw out magazines or newspapers if I haven't read at least part of them first. (That's why I don't subscribe to any magazines any longer!) One perfect day, this will all be done !
5. Getting Mom's flower gardens in shape. I inherited our parents' house, and Mom's flower gardens. However, the perennials grow so fast in the spring, that if you don't get out there to weed in that first month, you're done for. And I have been busy with the Tea Committee, and work, the last several years in that time of the spring. Hopefully this year, things will be at least a bit better !
6. Raising my son to be a good person, and getting him interested in college and a career. My son, Mark will be 15 in April, 2001. He is now in 9th Grade, and has to choose high school courses that reflect what he is interested in studying in post-secondary education. I have some money saved in an RESP (Registered Education Savings Plan) for his studies. But I need to make sure that his grades improve, so that he can get into whatever he is interested in. (Right now, he's talking about being an airplane mechanic for the American Air Force. That's more ambitious than wanting to be a truck painter, and painting INCO trucks yellow ! ) Also, as his only parent, I want to make sure that he grows up to be a loving, caring, considerate, gentle man who can have good relationships with people. Sometimes it's scary to see all the talk shows on TV, and see all the gangs, teenage pregnancies, and young kids who have no respect for themselves, their parents, teachers, or anyone else. Raising children is the hardest and most important job we have to do in this life !
7. Improving my financial security. I do not have much saved in an RRSP (Registered Retirement Savings Plan). These days, women are the most likely to be poor after retirement. And I would like to pay off my debts. After being unemployed for 2 years a couple of years ago, and now, being unemployed since July, 2000, I'm afraid I don't get to save any money, I do use credit to charge gas, etc., and I only pay the minimum on payments. This has to change !!!
8. Taking up studying belly dancing again. See entry under My Interests.
9. Getting the house fixed up. This is a little old house, built in the 50's. It has a leaky basement, needs weeping tiles, new windows, more insulation, caulking all over, a paint job, etc., etc. BUT - it is paid for, and it is ours ! And it's in an excellent neighbourhood, close to schools, shopping, a lake, etc.
10. Building a cottage. We have 69.5 acres of property, about an hour from our house. It is where our grandfather homesteaded, when he came to Canada in the 20's. The house has collapsed several years ago, but part of the sauna is still standing. My brother's dream is to take the logs from the house and sauna, and move them closer to the river, and build a small cottage or cabin there. It's not even accessible by road - my brother goes there a couple of times a year to go hunting or fishing, but he has to get there by boat (someone else's). If we ever won a lottery.... !