as previously promised here is another hair raising episode of the loveable pirate magaffery and his mildly retarded manboy servant mcquaid.
"ive forgotten my barnacles in my other trousers!?!?!" magaffery yelled from the crows nest.
the crew sat around a large table on the deck eating some form of boiled cabbage. Not wanting to offend the captain none dared remind him that there were no barnacles brought on this particular voyage.
The crew was made of the scurviest men that could be found in east switzerland. After the shortage of seaman in the late 80's mcquaid was happy to find a captain who was willing to donate some of his seaman... even if they were swiss.
Land ahoy shouted the small boy with chicken pox from the crowsnest.
the captain ordered for the ship to about face and full keel west.
the ship did so. unfortunately there was no land bur rather a small floating box. the box was immediately loaded onto the deck.
upon further inspection it was discovered that this was not a box at all but rather a big square rock.
it was immediately thrown back over board.
Many days passed on the briney green ocean and the crew became restless. The sparse supply of board games was dwindling and there were hardly any other ships with out of states plates to spot. After 7 or 8 fistfights the captain magaffery decided to take action. He ordered mcquaid to entertain the crew.
In his usual manboy fashion mcquaid began doing a spirited song and dance jig accompanied by his dancing pet monkey flanagan.
while the men were thoroughly entertained by mcquaid they were quite critical of the monkeys dancing and quickly booed him off the stage.
With morale boosted the weeks began to pass quickly until the boy in the crows nest who has now developed some sort of skin rash yelled down "land ho"
with the possibility that the boy may be suffering from some sort of delirious fever the men forgave his mistake and tried to signal the on coming ship.
As the ship came closer the pirate magaffery recognized the ship as the vessel of the old woman pirate beatrice the ugly. Dont let the name fool you because she was in fact very old and ugly.
Fearing being boarded and taken over by the old womens ship of equally old and non attractive widows, the captain ordered that everyone begin throwing things at the approaching ship.
Side note: Since the irish pirates vessel was made of stolen wood it was illequipped for sea travel and lacked guns. There was a large supply of potatoes which were forbidden to be thrown even during food fights. There was a large supply of carrots and lamps. Those were to be thrown instead.
since this was close to being a food fight, use of lamps were authorized for the throwing.
swashing his buckle the captain grabbed the rope that mcquaid was mindlessing holding onto and swung onto the old womans frigate.
A good portion of the woman became tired and retreated to thier rooms for a bit of wheel of fortune and bedtime since it was quarter to five in the evening. The remaning woman had thier throats slit and were hung from the masts.
feeling sufficiently manly the crew re boarded thier own ship and set off for another day of pirating. From the old woman's ship there was quite a plundering. Five or seven new board games including extra pair of dice to replace the dice missing from thier games and a giant square box that looked like a rock.
tune in some other time for more sock adjusting adventures of the irish pirate magaffery where youll hear lines such as..
"i cant spin it any more before i start to oscilate!!!"
