The sun was setting and macgaffery chose to ignore the boy by pretending to only speak italian.
"Qu' macgaffery knew no italian. macgaffery had taken to wearing two eye patches these days. having mcquaid lead him around the deck. No one had cleaned the deck in several weeks after they realized that it just kept getting dirty again.
"lead me to my my nose patches" macgaffery ordered his manboy servant.
The shit set sail for ireland two days later. The previous two days were spent as follows:
John taught all the knew johns a new card game. After several minutes they all realized "spoons" is the most frustrating game ever invented. He was forced to walk the plank and rewalk the plank until he finally drowned to death. Macgaffery ordered all of his relics and old holiday cards thrown into the briny ocean. Mcgaffery regretted this almost immediately. Everyone forgot to eat dinner and all looked for late night snacks at the same time late night. After the frozen chicken ran out, everyone noticed taht they had been using a microwave for the past several days. Confused by the invention and thier subconcous mastery of it, half the crew shot themselves with cannons.
The ship was on its way to ireland. understaffed and mysteriously somewhere in the future. around 1980s.
"this is bodacious" mcquaid said to macgaffery who could not stop sniffing glue if his life depended on it.
"if i stop sniffing this glue, ill never die. and thats totally what im gonna do." Macgaffery continued sniffing the glue and noticed that he segued into a skateboard motage. He was the skater in the red shirt and cool shades. He was gleaming the cube but couldnt manage to gleam it as quickly as christian slater, a local pirate that they found on a raft with nothing but a frozen turkey and a hawaiin shirt.
"The ship looks like shit" slater said when he noticed how shitty the pirates ship looks. Macgaffery tried to ignore him and continued sniffing his glue. In pirate times the insulting of a ship was second only to insulting his face or muslces. Mcquaid felt the honor of his hero had been tainted and challenged castaway christian slater to a duel.
"you cock. I am going to kill you asap. " Slater agreed and according to generally accepted dueling code, slater had the right to choose the weapon or which side he wanted to face. Since the ship was constantly in motion and hencefore therein constantly changing direction, he chose to choose the weapon: battle grenades, his favorite.
Dawn rose over the sea like a golden seal flying through the sky. Mcquaid was applying his fighting boots and headband when macgaffery entered the rumpus room looking for some paste or at least a glue stick.
"what have you mate?" macgaffery said sort of to himself and sort of to Chai, the irish-asian crewmember who was shadowboxing in teh corner.
"i battle for your honor" mcquaid announced, with great pride.
Macgaffery dropped his rubix cube and was heard to say "XXXXXXXXX"
On the deck christian slater was shooting craps all over the place and saying "I win!" repeatedly. the other crew members begain to find his arrogance charming and then increasingly obnoxious. Some thought he should be left back on the raft he was found on... others thought he was found on an island and the conversation was too conveluded to finish. something had to be done.
The went further into the future. Chai came up on the deck wearing a backwards baseball cap. He announced.
"Let the fight begin in twenty seconds" He then began to count backwards in another language, perhaps one that is more futuristic than asian. When he finally reached 3,2,1 the crew had more or less dissapaited since they were unable to understand him and missed eating lunch.
Mcquaid stepped out of the hatch. He was carrying a backpack full of battle grenades. He light one and threw it high up in the air. It exploded and made a giant firework in the sky. Christian slater lowered his glasses and looked at it. Everyone could agree that he looked cool doing that. Slater then threw two bombs and they created a firework elephant. He was too powerful for mcquaid who stuck the grenade in his mouth to self battle himself to death.
Macgaffery rolled down from the mast in a giant clear rolling bubble. It was the most futuristic thing ever. He rolled down to christian slater and then as the bubble came to a rest the bubble exploded. Exploding the ship in the greatest explosion in recorded history of the pirate times but not as much as people became accustomed to in the future.
Year 3007 mcquaid is floating through space as a giant transparent entity. He sees the milky way and laughs as he soars through it like a golden seal. This is a magical moment. Macgaffery's face appears scowling over the planet jupiter. it slowly turns into a smile. a rocket flies into space and creates a giant firework explosion of the flag of ireland. The discarded rocket shell continued floating through the cosmos. from the tail of the rocket were the dead bodies of several old woman who were old and going to die anyways and wanted to have an awesome death. The dead bodies began to burn up and decompose as the shells began to re-enter the atmoshere. macgaffery, as the planet jupiter, begins to sing the hit song "jump." jump, might as well jump. Go ahead now jump. might as well ump. Jump. go ahead and jump. might as well jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. and as mcgaffery disappears into postmodern-self relfexive- arbitrary apathetic glue sniffing oblivion. Mcquaid whispers.
"I will always love you"
Goodbye, you sweet dead majestic pirate of unstoppable-ness.