Warnings: AU. OOC. Yaoi. Me being stupid. Jokes in bad taste. This story *could* have been meaningful, but now it’s just a really bad parody of crossovers and fanfics in general. Crossover of Weiss Kreuz and Rurouni Kenshin. Some bad language...but it’s because of the characters I chose.

Disclaimer: I’m a little tea pot short and stout, I don’t own shit...

The streets at night were dirty. Of course, they were equally as dirty during the day, but for some reason they *felt* more dirty in the darkness. It was quiet; too quiet. Quiet was unnerving in the city. There were no sounds of cars, no sounds of people arguing amongst one another, no sounds of people trying to make you buy things...Just endless quiet. Most people would have been overjoyed.

But when it was this quiet, the smallest noise turned into an exclamation blown out of proportion over a huge loudspeaker. And for an assassin who can not afford to be heard, this is not a good thing.

So it was for Aya, who was trying to complete a mission without being heard, and flinching every time his foot fell and the sound echoed through the empty streets. If someone heard him...Not that there was anyone around *to* hear him. That calmed him down a little bit. A little, but not much.

It was not as if he enjoyed killing people. It was his job, nothing more. Someone had to pay the hospital bills for his comatose sister, and she definitely wasn’t going to get financial help from their parents, who were currently six feet under and probably rotting away right now.

Aya’s bitter thoughts made him want to...kill something. Or rather, someone.

So maybe being assassin *wasn’t* just his job. Sure, he could have become a plumber or something, but then he wouldn’t have been able to search for his revenge. One day he *would* kill Takatori Reiji. Until then...He would try to survive through his missions. And buy boots that made less noise.

Step step step. The location wasn’t far off. He was all alone on this mission. They had been fighting a gang a few days ago, and some of them had managed to escape. The four members of Weiss had separated to find the stragglers and dispose of them. The entire gang was made up of rapists, serial killers, and child molesters. A charming bunch. They deserved what they got.

Aya realized that his fists were clenched tightly. It was quite painful. He welcomed the pain because it stopped him from thinking those morbid thoughts. Morbid thoughts were the only kinds of thoughts he seemed capable of these days. He was *the* assassin; cold hearted, detached, and a total son of a bitch. He was mean with a katana, he was deadly with a gun, and he was even a terror with his bare hands. And he was beautiful. Tall, slender, red hair, violet eyes...the model of perfection. He was carved from marble. No, he was carved from stone. Cold and dead stone. At least, his heart was. And he preferred it that way. If he remained cold, then no one could hurt him.

His only soft spot was for his sister, and of course he would never admit that. The other members of Weiss had no idea he had a sister. They had no idea that Aya wasn’t his real name. They had no idea that he hadn’t always been such an unfeeling monster.

Unfeeling monster, ha. Aya still had feelings. He just chose to ignore them. And he did a damn fine job of it, too.

Ah, here was the location. One of the gangsters apparently had a hideout here. How Kritiker had discovered that, Aya really didn’t know. Then again, he didn’t give a flying fuck either.

There was the gangster, curled up into a pathetic ball on the floor of a dirty rundown warehouse.

“Shin’e!”

“Ah, holy shit! What the hell are you doing here?” the gangster demanded. He was tall, very tall, and he had huge gravity defying spikey hair, with a red band tied around it. His clothes were tattered and dirty, and he looked....like a gangster. No, he had the definite appearance of a chicken. Cluck cluck.

“How the fuck did you get in here?”

“I walked in,” Aya replied bluntly. “Now die.”

“Hey, hold up! Why the hell are you going to kill me? What the hell did I do?” the chicken-headed man demanded, holding up his hands to show that he was unarmed.

“You’re a part of that gang, and now you’re going to die just like the rest of them.”

“...I...I’m not part of a gang...”

“Then what the hell are you doing in here?”

“I was fucking cold!” the man exploded. “I wanted to get in out of the fucking cold air! I’m tired of sleeping on the streets!”

Aya definitely wasn’t going to fall for such a childish trick. This was the gangster’s hideout, so therefore the chicken-headed man must be the gangster. He did look pathetic and cold, however. Maybe...

“I don’t believe you. Shin’e.”

“Agh, shit!” The man jumped out of the way as Aya lunged with his katana. Aya narrowed his eyes. He would not miss the second time.

“Don’t be so fucking hasty! I told you I’m not the guy you’re after!”

Aya grabbed the man’s arm, and he ignored his yelp. The man tried to struggle, but Aya was much stronger than he was. “Calm down,” Aya muttered, and he rolled up the man’s sleeve. There was no tatoo.

So he was telling the truth.

He released him.

“If you’re not one of them, what are you doing here?”

“I already answered that fucking question, now leave me alone!”

The man proceeded to roll himself back up into his pathetic ball formation. It looked painful, to have legs so long and fold them up like that. Aya found himself wincing, but he quickly wiped his face back to its expressionless state once more.

“Who the hell are you, anyway? A rival gang?”

“None of your business, unless you want to die too?”

The man shook his head vigorously. “I’m not *that* curious, man.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Aya turned to go.

“Hey wait, what’s your name?”

“I’m not going to tell you.”

“...oh. My name is Sanosuke. Are you sure you have to leave?”

Sanosuke. It was a nice name. It suited the chicken-headed man well.

“I have a job to do,” Aya replied.

“That involves killing some guy in a gang?”

“...actually, I’m a florist.”

Sanosuke burst out laughing. “YOU? A FLORIST?”

Aya whipped out a business card. “If you ever need flowers, stop by the Koneko.”

“Dude...the crazy killer is a FLORIST!” Sanosuke had tears rolling down his cheeks from laughing so hard. Aya was thoroughly embarrassed.

“That’s...precious...You do realize you just gave me a location, right? If I ever wanted to find you, I could.”

“Damn it.”

“So you may as well tell me your name.”

“Aya. I have to kill you now.”

“...Isn’t Aya a girl’s name?”

“Maybe. I have to kill you now.”

“Quit repeating yourself. Before you kill me, can I ask you a favor?”

“...”

“Can I kiss you?”

“NANI??”

“You’re the first person I’ve had a decent conversation with in a long time. Nobody wants to associate with me because I look like a gangster. Okay, I’m a fighter for hire but...even hitmen get lonely, you know?”

Aya gave Sanosuke a funny look. “You’re insane.”

“Fine, fine, you know what, I’m not *that* lonely, but you’re hot.”

Aya gave him ten points for honesty and decided to humor him. Kiss kiss.

Oh God...Sanosuke was...a wonderful kisser! Aya enjoyed tasting him. The chicken-headed man did *not* taste like chicken. He tasted like chocolate. Mmm chocolate...

Too bad Aya didn’t like chocolate.

“AH! I can’t believe I’m kissing a stranger!” Aya yelped and he pulled away.

“Hey, but that was...that was...hot,” Sanosuke said, touching his lips. “Can I have your phone number?”

“...It’s on the card.”

“Are you going to kill me?”

“Yes.”

“Then get it over with.”

“Maybe later. I have to do my job now.” Aya left this time.

“I’ll see you later, Aya!” Sanosuke called after him. And he would, too. There was something about Aya that drew him in. Something...special. Like...he was *meant* to find Aya, somehow. Which was ridiculous because he couldn’t remember anything about his past at all. He’d woken up in an alley with the knowledge that he was a fighter for hire, and that his name was Sanosuke. Period. Exclamation mark. The end. Seeing this redheaded man had triggered something in his head. It might have been a hemorrhage and *not* memory, but he was willing to take that risk. Maybe.

~~~~~

Aya was very disturbed. He wasn’t like the Aya of many other fanfics who falls in love with a sexy man on sight just because he’s supposed too. He was definitely *not* in love with Sanosuke. But that kiss had been *hot*. And just now, Sanosuke had walked into the shop. Looking as grimy as ever.

“Here to buy some flowers?”

“Uh, something like that,” Sanosuke said, looking a little uncomfortable. Good, he *should* be uncomfortable. Coming in here dressed like that...Okay so he probably didn’t have any other clothes to wear. He could always have come in the nude.

Haha.

“If you’re not buying anything, then get out.”

“That line sounded well practiced.”

“...What the hell do you want, Sanosuke?”

Sanosuke was promptly glomped by a bazillion school girls who had just noticed him due to their SGR (school girl radar -- the thing in school girl’s heads that let them know when a new bishounen is on the scene). “AAAAAGH! What the fuck are they doing to meeee!” He was carried away screaming curses, which only prompted the girls to giggle.

“Hey, someone go kiss that guy for me!” Ken exclaimed. “It’s...it’s...QUIET in here!”

Aya did not hear him because he was already halfway down the street chasing the girls. Or, rather, Sanosuke.

“...uh, is Aya actually going to kiss that guy...?”

Yoji removed the magazine from his face, and rubbed sleep from his eyes. “Who’s kissing who?”

“Go back to sleep, Yoji.”

“Don’t mind if I do.”

~~~~

Aya had finally rescued Sanosuke from the rabid school girls, and was trying to calm him down.

“How the fuck do you put up with those...THINGS?” he screeched.

Aya shrugged. “You get used to them.”

“I’m so sure.” Sanosuke took a deep breath. “Well, thanks for rescuing me.” They shared the Intense Gaze of Love (tm). You know, the look that two sexy men in these sorts of fanfics give each other when they are fated to be together because the author said so. Some sappy music played in the background. Aya felt feelings he’d never admitted to himself before. Sanosuke felt that thing that drew him to Aya. They were in each others’ arms suddenly, and violins were playing in the background.

*insert raunchy yaoi lemon here*

Aya woke up on the cold floor of the same abandoned warehouse where he had first met Sanosuke.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Sanosuke heard his scream, woke up, and yelled “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“You...me...we...”

“And that whipped cream...”

“And the egg beater, and...”

“That’s just...”

“Really hot!”

“SANOSUKE!”

“Sorry!”

They glared at each other. Then started blushing furiously because they were both still naked.

“How about a repeat?”

“Shin’e.”

Once they were dressed, they sat across from each other. Aya glared. Sanosuke looked thoughtful.

“You know Aya, the author of this fic is deranged.”

“No shit.”

“Anyway, I think I have my memory back.”

“You lost it?”

“Yeah, I told you, remember last night during the ‘meaningful revelations’ stage, I told you about forgetting my past and you told me about your sister.”

“Oh yeah. Wait...I *told* you about that?”

“Yeah and we admitted to being in love with each other.”

“...”

“I know.”

“The author really *is* deranged.”

“ANYWAY, as I was SAYING,” Sanosuke said, frustrated, “I REMEMBER my past! It’s kind of twisted. I’m actually from the past, and I sort of entered a time warp so that I could come here and teach you about love and all that nice sappy shit.”

“...”

“Yeah.”

“So...what happens next?”

“I go back to my time and leave you here alone to contemplate.”

“Do you have a lover in that time?”

“The official answer is no. The answer of every rabid yaoi fangirl is...I have several.”

“Oh.”

“Well, goodbye!” Sanosuke said cheerfully. “It was nice meeting you, Aya!”

“Ran. My name is Ran.”

“I love you, Ran.” They shared one last ultra meaningful kiss, and then Sanosuke was sucked back in time to ancient Japan with his unofficial lovers. Aya remained in the present, and never forgot his brief fling with the gangster who wasn’t really a gangster. (he also with his unofficial lovers)

THE END