Once upon a time in a land far, far away, in a universe that has long since been forgotten, where technology was more advanced than it is today, but that science is also long forgotten, there was a highly effective anti-aging cream that made people look eternally young. There was a young man who used this anti-aging cream too early, and reverted back to a baby.

This story is not about him.

On a dark and stormy night, when the sun was high in the sky, and the snow was melting due to above-normal temperatures, caused by a rift in the time-space continuum, and the fact that there was a big sale at the local department store, a little boy was born.

“My daughter!” the woman exclaimed, as the baby was settled into her arms.

“Your son,” the doctor corrected.

“But I wanted a daughter! Put him back! Give me a new one!”

The doctor made a valiant attempt to comply to her request, but soon after deemed it impossible. The woman was blessed/cursed with a son.

~~~~~

Eighteen years later, Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus McBoobula was ready to leave home. His father sniffled and cried into a hanky. His mother shook hands with him, and told him to have a safe trip.

Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus McBoobula was headed for college. He was sure he was going to get a diploma and become rich and famous. He wanted to make his parents proud. He was their only son, after all. Mrs. Boobula had gone on to have twelve daughters, which pleased her, but not her husband so much because it was pretty expensive, not to mention the fact that he couldn’t escape from all the female-ness, especially when Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus entered a cross-dressing phase.

Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus McBoobula waved goodbye to his parents one last time, then got on his bike, and drove all three blocks to his college dormitory. He set up his few things, and realized that he missed his parents and all his sisters already. He tried to be strong, but he couldn’t stop a tear or two from slipping out of the corners of his eyes.

He heard a sniffle coming from the other side of the room, saw that his new roommate was also suffering from the blues...and that was the first time he met Darryl VanSchnitzel, who went on to become his very best friend. They played many stupid pranks together, went on double dates together...with girls...and they had lots of fun in college together.

~~~~~

When Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus McBoobula was in his second year of college, he met his future wife, Broomhiljda.

It was love at first site. He was mooning a group of girls, and she was at the head of the crowd, and saw his dirty buttocks, and thought...what a moron. When Klyve Johann Henry turned around and saw the girl he’d been mooning, he started to regret his actions just a little, and asked her for a date.

At first, she played hard to get. Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus McBoobula began to think that maybe she just didn’t like him. Which she didn’t.

That all changed about a year later, when Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus McBoobula became a very mature individual, and charmed her with his newfound intellect. (He’d started studying and stopped mooning people.) They married when Broomhiljda turned twenty. Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus McBoobula had just turned four.

~~~~~

Three years later, on Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus McBoobula’s fiftieth birthday, he was already a well-established used-car salesmen. He and Broomhiljda were blessed with two children; sixteen year old Quincent Croissant McBoobula, and seventeen year old Banarama Ding Dong McBoobula. Banarama Ding Dong was a smart girl. She had very good grades in school, and her parents were very pround. Banarama Ding Dong’s older brother Quincent Croissant did not do as well in school, but he had his own unique talents, including his ability to wear flowers in his hair and not get beaten up by the other boys.

That summer, the McBoobula family moved out west, so that Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus could continue his practice in the east. They just happened to move into the house right next to an old friend of Klyve Johann Henry Phoebus McBoobula that he hadn’t seen in a few decades. That friend just so happened to be Darryl VanSchnitzel.

It just so happened that Darryl VanSchnitzel had gotten married several years prior to a woman named Carol. It just so happened that they had twin boys named Harold and Gerald. And it just so happened that Harold and Gerald were about Banarama Ding Dong and Quincent Croissant’s age, so they would be attending the same high school.

~~~~~

Bananarama Ding Dong McBoobula fell in love with Harold VanSchnitzel on the first day they met. He was the perfect gentlemen in all ways, including the fact that he wore a tuxedo 24/7. He’d had his eye on her since before they met. She accepted his marriage proposal right away, and they became the most envied couple in all of their school (once they started to attend). Harold was sexy; Banarama Ding Dong actually had brains in her head, unlike anyone else at the school.

~~~~~

Quincent Croissant McBoobula fell in love with Gerald VanSchnitzel on the first day they met. He mistakenly mistook Gerald for a girl, due to the skirt that he wore. He started hitting on said girl, and said girl admitted that she was a he. Quincet Croissant found this fascinating, and asked Gerald for a date. He agreed. They became the most envied couple in all of their school (once they started to attend). Gerald was a knockout; Quincent somehow knew how to get away with wearing flowers in his hair, like many boys in the school wanted to.

~~~~~