Just to be With You
8:
Those Who Wait
Over
the following years, Meriadoc and Estella became one of the Shire’s most talked
about couples. They were seen together at parties, and Estella was forever
visiting Buckland (her home in Budgeford was less than a day’s walk from
Buckland). However, no sign of a wedding was seen, and it was generally assumed
that the pair were waiting for Estella to come of age. This was one reason.
Merry had another, known only to himself, Peregrin and Samwise Gamgee.
Two
years after Merry’s coming of age party, Pimpernel and Berilac were married. As
Pervinca assumed, Paladin was somewhat upset that one of his daughters would be
moving away to Buckland, but he could deny that Berilac was a fine fellow and
would provide well for Pimpernel. The rest of the Took family seemed pleased to
see Pimpernel marry into a family of her own status. Many of them had believed
that Paladin’s eldest daughter, Pearl, had married beneath her when she wed Orlando
Burrows. He was a lawyer, and she was expected to marry into another grand
family. Pearl and her family ignored the rumours. She and Orlando were in love,
and very well off.
After
Pimpernel and Berilac’s wedding, Estella’s mind had turned to marriage. In the
next year she would turn thirty-three, yet Merry seemed to have made no plans
about a wedding. Instead, he seemed to be spending more and more time with
Frodo Baggins, widely believed to be a bad influence on his younger cousins.
In
the summer of 1418, only a month before Estella would come of age, it was
announced that Frodo Baggins would be moving back to Buckland (into
Crickhollow, of all places) and selling Bag-End to the Sackville-Bagginses.
Estella thought this odd, for she knew how much Frodo despised those cousins.
In fact, most of their family seemed to dislike them. With him helping Frodo,
she saw less and less of Merry.
That
did not mean, however, that she ceased her visits to Buckland. Esmeralda adored
her, and was always inviting her for tea. On one such afternoon, as she sat
with the Mistress and Pimpernel, Estella expressed her deepest fear.
“I
think Merry has fallen out of love with me,” she sighed. As she spoke, she
played with the necklace he had given her for his birthday. She had treasured
it since that day. “He never seems to want to spend any time with me, and I’m
sure he hasn’t given a thought to us being married!”
“Oh,
Estella, dearest, that isn’t true!” Esmeralda cried, but in her heart, she had shared
Estella’s fear. “He has just been very busy of late. He stills speaks of you to
us.”
Pimpernel
backed her aunt’s argument. “He adores you, Stella, and you know it. He’s
probably just nervous. I know my Berry was before we were married. You shan’t come
of age for another month. Perhaps he is waiting until then to think about
marriage.”
The
month passed, and the Bolgers held a party for Estella’s birthday (though it
was not at all as grand as Merry’s had been). For a time, Estella’s fears were
crushed, for Merry doted over her at the party and seemed to love the gift she
gave him – a yellow waistcoat, which she had made herself. But he still managed
to avoid any talk about marriage. It did not stop the rest of the guests from
discussing it, however, and Eglantine Took even suggested a double wedding with
Pervinca and Everard, though they were not yet engaged either.
In
the following months, Estella again saw very little of Merry. She also rarely
saw her brother, for he, Merry, Pippin and Folco Boffin had agreed to help
Frodo move. When she did see Fredegar, he seemed very anxious, and Estella
began to think that there was something very odd about Frodo’s move, but if she
pushed Freddie for more information, he dodged her questions and changed the
subject.
By
September, Estella had had enough. It had been three weeks since she had seen
Merry for more than a moment. With the help of Esmeralda, she convinced him to
take her for a picnic by the Brandywine, where they had first admitted their
growing feelings for each other. So on a fair autumn morning in mid-September,
the couple made their way to the river.
The
weather was too cool by this time of the year for swimming, so they were able
to have complete privacy (neither of them knew that Esmeralda had played a part
in organising that). Merry was happy enough, and if he seemed somewhat
distracted, Estella managed to ignore it.
They
talked while they ate. Merry told her that he had to return to Hobbiton the
next day. Frodo would be moving to Buckland on the following Friday. Merry,
Pippin, Fredegar and Folco were needed to pack everything.
“It
will be good for you, having Frodo living so close,” said Estella. “You won’t
have to go to Hobbiton so often to visit him.”
Merry
laughed. “I plan on never going to Hobbiton again, if I can help it. What, with
the S.-Bs there and all!”
“My
goodness, Frodo will be turning fifty on Thursday, won’t he?”
“He
will indeed. But he is only having a small gathering for his birthday. Perhaps
he will have something bigger when he settles into Crickhollow.”
Estella
was beginning to notice that Merry’s words seemed forced. She would not go so
far as to accuse him of lying, but there was a certain edge of untruth in what
he said.
“Merry,
you’ve been acting very strange lately,” she ventured to say. “Ever since Frodo
said he was moving to Buckland you’ve been on edge. Fredegar has too. Is
something wrong?”
Merry
was startled by her suggestion, but managed to hide it. “No, why would anything
be wrong?”
“Well,
you’ve seemed distracted.” Estella had started talking and now she could not
stop. “Is it my fault? Have I done something wrong?”
“Of
course not!”
Tears
formed in her eyes. “Then do you not love me anymore? Please, just tell me if
that is the case. It will hurt more if you just continue to lead me on…”
Merry
wrapped his arms around her. “I could never stop loving you, Estella.” Against
his will, tears started to form in his own eyes. He, Pippin and Sam had all
agreed to tell no one about the real reason Frodo was leaving, or that they
were leaving with him, but it was breaking Merry’s heart having to leave
Estella behind without telling her why.
“If
you love me, then why can’t we get married?”
Merry
cringed. He should have known that he would eventually have to face that
question. He had avoided it for long enough.
Estella
continued. “Pim and Berry are married, and they started courting at the same
time as us!”
“But
Pervinca and Everard are not yet, and they have been courting for a lot
longer,” Merry reasoned.
“They’re
engaged now! They were waiting until Pervinca came of age. I’m three months
older than her, and I’ve had to wait!” Anger was growing inside Estella.
“Well,
you’ll just have to wait a little longer!” Merry snapped, also becoming angry.
“I
think I’ve been waiting long enough! If you don’t want to marry me, then just
say so!”
“I do
want to marry you, I’m just not ready yet!”
“Why
not? Is it because of Frodo? Just because he’s not married does not mean you
cannot be. Or is it Pippin? You have to let him grow up eventually…”
“Leave
Frodo and Pippin out of this! You know, if you keep going on about this, I
might just decide that I don’t want to marry you…”
Estella
stood, and with angry tears in her eyes, she ripped the necklace from around
her neck. She threw it at Merry’s feet, and turned to leave. She stopped to
utter one parting remark. “I never want to see you again, Meriadoc Brandybuck.”
As
she stormed away, she heard Merry call in a voice full of anger and hurt. “Good!
Because I’m going away! And I might never come back! At least there’s nothing
left here that I have to worry about anymore! Thank you for solving that little
problem!”
Estella
resisted the urge to think up a very insulting comeback, and simply continued
on her way. Her anger fuelled her body as she walked the entire way back to
Budgeford without stopping. Night was just falling as she threw open the door.
“Estella!
My goodness, what are you doing here?” Rosa cried. “I thought you were going to
stay in Buckland tonight and come home when Merry left for Hobbiton tomorrow.”
“Merry?”
Estella snorted. “Who’s Merry? Is Fredegar here?”
“No,
he left this afternoon. Won’t be back for a week or so,” Odo answered. It was
quite clear to him that his daughter had fought with Merry. He hoped that it
was only a trivial matter, but he could see that her favourite necklace was
missing. It would have taken a lot for her to part with it. “Do you want to
talk to us about it?”
“There’s
nothing I need to talk about, I just wanted Freddie to pass on a message for
me, but I suppose it doesn’t matter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go to
bed.”
Estella
went to her room and firmly shut the door. Once inside and alone, she started
crying and cursed her pride. If not for it, she would have returned to Buckland
not long after leaving it. In her anger and sorrow, she had forgotten Merry’s
words about going away and never coming back.
* *
* * * *
Merry
and Fredegar climbed into the front of the cart carrying what was left of
Frodo’s luggage. They waved to Frodo and Pippin and set off. For the past few
days, Merry had managed to ignore his fight with Estella, but he could ignore
it no longer, especially not when her brother was sitting next to him,
whistling happily. His hand strayed into his pocket to hold the necklace
Estella had thrown at his feet.
“Something
on your mind, Meriadoc?” Fredegar asked, breaking Merry’s train of thought.
“What?
Er, no, nothing,” he muttered.
“Don’t
lie to me, Master Brandybuck. I may not be as close to you as Pippin or Frodo,
but I can certainly tell when you are lying. Especially when you make such a
poor effort.”
Merry
sighed. “Estella and I had a fight.”
Fredegar’s
smiled faded. “Oh, I see. Did you tell her you were leaving the Shire?”
“I
did, but it was a bit of an angry retort, and I don’t know whether she heard me
or not. She was asking when we were going to get married.” Merry looked up at
his friend. “Married, Fatty! She wanted to get married and I’m leaving the Shire!
And I couldn’t even tell her that.”
“It
isn’t your fault that you could not tell her. We all know how important Frodo’s
secret is. But if you like, I shall tell her once you have left.”
“She
won’t care.” Merry took the necklace out of his pocket and handed it to
Fredegar. “She never wants to see me again, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be
coming back. Make sure she finds someone to look after her…”
Fredegar
accepted the necklace, but said, “She already has someone. Don’t give up hope
so easily. You will come back, and she will take you back. Believe me, I know
my sister better than anyone. Your fight was perfectly understandable. You both
lashed out at each other to protect yourselves from further hurt. But one day,
you will return to the Shire and the two of you will have the most wonderful
reunion!”
Fredegar
had achieved the impossible. He had made Merry smile. “I certainly hope you’re
right, Fredegar.”