Miroku: Hello, welcome to my Love Counselling Room. If you are having problems with you love life, just write in and I will use my expertise in the area to help solve your problems. Alternatively, if you are a lonely gal, just come in and I'd be more than happy to father your child...
Out of nowhere a huge boomerang flies in and knocks the houshi unconscious. Darkwing hurries in with a bucket of cold water and splashes him with it. Miroku stirs and Darkwing hurries out again.
Miroku: Huh? What happened? Oww, my head hurts...Okay, let's read the first letter, shall we?
"Dear Miroku
Please help me! There's this guy I really like but I don't think
he knows I exist! What should I do?
From Desparately In Love"
Well, Desparately In Love, there is only one solution to your problem. Forget this guy who doesn't know you exist and bear my child.
A boomerang flies in again and hits Miroku on the head. He falls over unconscious and Darkwing rushes in to wake him with water before running out.
Miroku: Oww, my head......Where was I? Oh yeah, the second letter...
"Dear Miroku
Please help me! There's this girl I really like but I don't think
she knows I exist! What should I do?
From Mr. Desparately In Love
Well, Mr. Desparately In Love, there is only one thing to do. Ask her to bear you child, and if she refuses either verbally or in physical abuse, give me her contact details and I will ask her myself.
Miroku quickly ducks under the table as the hiraikotsu waltzes past. He jumps up triumphantly.
Miroku: Aha! Sango, so you're the one who's been...
He is unable to finish off because the boomerang hits him as it comes twirling back. Darkwing comes in with the bucket and does her stuff. Miroku sits back on his chair but this time he puts on a helmet before reading the 3rd letter.
Miroku: "Dear Miroku
Please help me! There's this dog I really like but I don't
think she knows I exist! What should I do?
From Mr. Puppylove
Hmm, there's something funny going on here.
He picks up a 4th letter.
"Dear Miroku
Please help me! There's this duck I really like but I don't think
he knows I exist...
He takes up the 5th letter.
"Dear Miroku
Please help me! There's this apple pie I really like but...
He picks up the 6th and last letter.
"Dear Miroku
Please help me! There's this female icky bumpy thing I really like
but I don't think she knows I exist! What should I do?
From Mr. Desparately-in-love-but-I-am-not-Jaken
Hey! All these letters are the same!
Piper, Darkwing and Sango enter the counselling room.
Piper: Well, actually, we wrote those letters.
Miroku: What?!
Darkwing: Yeah, we wanted to see what kind of responses you'll give so we can assess the future management of you counselling room.
Sango: Pervert!
Miroku: But...but...
Piper: Well, we think it might be best that you don't do this alone so we're hiring you an assistant.
Miroku: But I don't want an assistant!
Darkwing: Tough! Hey, maybe we should get in some of the other characters in as guests and have something like 'The Beauty and the Beast' show.
Piper: Great idea!
Sango: Pervert!
Miroku: Do you mean to say that none of the letters were sent in?
Darkwing: Well, you just opened your counselling room today, what'd you expect?
Kagome comes in.
Kagome: Piper, there's this little fat kid called Eric Cartman who's wanting to see you...
Piper: Oh, he must be in for that assistant job. I'll go interview him now. Oh, and I think one of the letters were genuine.
Piper leaves the room.
Miroku: Which one?
Darkwing: Well, I did the duck one, I think Piper did the apple pie one...
Kagome: Inuyasha wrote the dog one and I did the boy and girl letters.
Sango: Which leaves...
Miroku: The female icky bumpy thing...
Darkwing: I remember now! We modeled all our letters on that. Hmm, I wonder who Mr. Desparately-in-love-but-I-am-not-Jaken could be.
Everyone is lost in deep thought. Somewhere, crouched in some hidden nook a male icky bumpy thing a.k.a Mr. Desparately-in-love-but-I-am-not-Jaken, weeps over a rejection letter from female icky bumpy thing.
Warning: Miroku is probably not the expert in love he claims to be so do not take his answers seriously.