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| Redneck Family Tree Many many years ago , when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had a hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law, And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the father, Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, she is my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild. For now I have become, the strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa ! |
| BUTT PRINTS IN THE SAND One night I had a wondrous dream, One set of footprints there were seen, The footprints of my precious Lord, But time were not along the shore. But then some stranger prints appeared, And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?" Those prints are large and round and neat, But Lord, they are too big for feet" "My child," He said in somber tones, "For miles I carried you alone. I challenged you to walk in faith, But you refused and made me wait." "You disobeyed, you would not grow, The walk of faith, you would not know, So I got tired, I got fed up, And there I dropped you on you butt." "Because in life, there comes a time, When one must fight, and one must climb, When one must rise and take a stand, Or leave their butt prints in the sand." |
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