If you're stressed, here are some comments you can use to help articulate your mood to others...

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 

2. Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine? 

3. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. 

4. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we? 

5. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth. 

6. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. 

7. Do I look like a fucking people person? 

8. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 

9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 

10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 

11. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time. 

12. You! Off my planet! 

13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose. 

14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control. 

15. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes. 

16. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. 

17. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat. 

18. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? 

19. I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness. 

20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.