"Honey, I Can't Perform!"  

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal." 
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?" 

"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes." 
 



12- Pack  

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.'' 
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?'' 

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.'' 

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for. 
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....'' 
 

 

3 Couples, 2 Compliments, 1 Adventure!  

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table. 
"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal. 
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second. 
"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third. 


I thought this was tooooo funny......
 

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.


A Small Problem  

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks. 
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' 

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!'' 

''How!?!?!?'' she asks. 

''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.'' 

''Well how long does it take?'' she asks. 

''They should expand over the years,'' he answers. 

''How did you know that?'' she wonders. 

''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''